[miriwonders]

I have knowed this guy since 2003 we found each other on a dating website. He told me he was in the navy and that timing sucked cause he was leaving 2 weeks from that day we meet overseas. We hung out those 2 weeks till the day he left. We decided to be together. He said I was his 1st but I never believed him. After he left I wrote him everyday but he never replied. Abt a month later my ex came begging for a 2nd chance, so I wrote him told him I was breaking it off because I was going back to my ex and wanted to ended now before anything happened. He was very hurt. When he came back 6 months later, I was single but dating. We talked and had sex twice. Then we didn't really hang out but on and off btwn breakups we would always end up in bootycalls but I would always have to drive 20 minutes to see him. One period though the booty calls lasted a month straight only seen each other on weekends. We did have dinner sometimes, I told him I felt I didn't know him. He said "you don't. You dont know me". He sounded hurt. Another time after sleeping together I expressed not liking the whole booty call situation, he said well "to be honest its convinent for me". That made me feel so low. I decided to end it that night.
5 months later I meet a guy 4 yrs younger than me and after a month we married, 2 months later we filled for divorce. I text everyone about it incld him. 5 days later he text me at 11 pm and said "what u up to?" I knew what he was trying to do so I said "going to sleep. Nite".
The next day he invited me to hang out for food or drinks, told him I was still out of a job and had no gas to drive down there. He said he would give me gas money. I then told him, things were dif, that I did not wanted to do the same stuff we did before. He said "that was not his intention not why he wanted to see me. he just wanted to hang out and eat with me that he could not imagine what I was going through". So I went EARLY. And we meet at a restaurant, he paid. Filled up my tank and asked if I wanted to go to the casino with him and his roommate. Since his roommate woke up and called him. He told me he sneaked out of the house cause he really wanted to spend time with me. In the casino I expressed how auful he made me feel when he said that it was convinent for him. He was surprised, said "I said that? I didn't mean it in that way, I must have been drunk" (he drinks a lot just noticed that day.) he looked embaressed, said he meant that he was not ready to commit and being with me felt so right, so comfortable and safe. He said he never slept with another girl while he was sleeping with me and that when we had sex it was amaizing. He also told me to never think he didn't have any feelings towards me cause he did. He repetated that 2 3 times. Siad he thought there would always be an attraction towards me. So, what is going on with this guy? Should I stay away? Bc I am over the booty calls and only me driving to see him. That night it was fun hanging out as friends we didn't do anything. He was so supportive with my whole divorce situation, so now, I find myself thinking about him. That has never happened, I was never crazy ovr him, sure he is attractive to me but I felt bad and felt used but not because I was more into him but because I knew it was wrong to drive late at night have sex and drive back before morning. Should I worry about starting to think about him in a poss relationship type of way? Is this situation a normal one? Is there other people that have experience this too? What does he really feel about me?

[talaniman]

He told you he is not ready to commit, so what more do you need. He is having fun at the expense of your feelings, and you let him, because you want more, and have a false hope that he can give it to you. Stop all this impulsive confusing behavior, and work on you, as you are not healthy enough emotionally, for a relationship, especially one with him.

[HistorianChick]

I agree with talaniman... you're not ready for any kind of relationship, Hon. Work on yourself... you need to get to know who you are before you can commit to a relationship with anyone.

Spend time "getting to know yourself" - you shouldn't need a man to complete you - you should be complete enough within yourself.

(Don't get me wrong, I'm not all about this "I don't need a man," independent stuff... but in your case... maybe you should consider getting into a relationship with yourself. Without developing a split personality, of course! :D )

[miriwonders]

Thanks guys yeah that is something my friends tell me over and over. Now I agree and understand that's why I said I'm done with the booty calls and I let him know that and he did respect my decision. And just to clearify he said he WAS not ready to commit when he said that which was about 6 7 months a go or more. That's why I'm confused he treated me like a good friend this time around and he looked like he missed me. But yeah I am working on being happy alone and really finding who I am. Thanks again for your great advice!

[EuRa]

There's more than 1-2 men out there. When you do find someone and fall in love and live happily ever after, there will be a point in your life when you look back and talk about the time JUST BEFORE you met your future husband. This could be that time! Part of the fun of life is not knowing where you are headed, or how you will get there. The journey. This is a new beginning for you, time to take that first step towards someone new!