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heyheather · Jan 20, 2008, 03:43 PM

I am wanting a baby of my own so badly.
I love baby's, kids I take care of them all the time.
I think about having my own and having a baby and having a family all the time.
I don't go one day without thinking about it.

But I'm 19 and I feel I should wait.
I do have a good job and so does my boyfriend.
We have dated for 2 years now and never broken up or anything.

He just wants to wait till we are married and have a house.
His parents would probably kill us if I got pregnant and my mom would be mad at first but then love it I know.

I'm just wanting to get my life started and have a family because I feel like I'm just waiting now till I'm older to and I really want it now.
So what should I do?
I feel like we could start a family now.

Synnen · Jan 20, 2008, 04:10 PM

I think you should wait.

Your boyfriend has the right idea--what's wrong with getting married THEN having the baby, anyway?

And having a house is a huge expense--and easier to manage that expense BEFORE kids come along.

J_9 · Jan 20, 2008, 04:15 PM

Yes, your boyfriend has the right idea for sure. Children are so expensive that it is best to have the house and the marriage before the children. If you have the baby first, you may not have the money later to have the house.

Hun, you are VERY young, you have your whole life ahead of you.

I understand loving babies, and taking care of them all the time, but having one of your own is very different than taking care of someone else's child.

crystalbivens · Jan 20, 2008, 04:23 PM

I agree having a baby is a MAJOR life changing event.
Once the baby's here there's no putting it back.
I think it's very normal of you to have these desires and your not alone, it's just that motherly instinct that most females have.
But that's not to say it won't be there after a marriage and a house.
I had a baby at 17 my husband (then botfriend) was still living with his parents and I was still living with mine when I became pregnant.
We realized really fast that it was time to grow up.
We got a small place just so we could try to do it right and be responsible but it was hard.
The bills don't stop coming and the baby needs a lot of things (diapers. Formula, etc)
I had the best support system from my family and friends as well as his family and friends and they helped us out when ever we needed it, but at the end of the day we were responsible for this little baby.
I'm not going to sit here and act like it was the worst thing that could have happened because it wasent having my son was the most rewarding thing I had ever done.
But realize it is a very hard thing to do, but if given the choice I would wait.
When it's meant to be it will be.

mjl · Jan 20, 2008, 04:42 PM

It is very normal to have the desire to have a baby, but at your age you aren't ready for one. It is a huge responsibility, bigger than you understand.
I think you should wait. You will be glad you did.

jillianleab · Jan 20, 2008, 05:51 PM

You should wait a few years. Take some more time with your boyfriend, move in together, get a good, stable house to live in, get a good stable job, and just enjoy being the center of each other's worlds for a little bit longer. Once you have a baby the center of your universe switches to the baby - enjoy the "couple time" you have now. You're young, he's young, you still have plenty of time to enjoy each other AND be young parents. So don't think of it as waiting to have a baby, think of it as enjoying being in love and waiting until the right time to add someone else to that love!

heyheather · Jan 20, 2008, 08:45 PM

Well we have talked about getting engaged and not having a wedding because my parents said they would help pay for our first house and start our lives together as a family.
But as for now his parents won't let us move in together unless we are married.

I'm not wanting to have a baby right now, but I do in less then a year.
I would love to start a family and if my parents helped us and we didn't have to have a big wedding it should work and we both have good jobs already and we love each other very much.

I know how exspence everything will be.
I think my boyfriend and I have had lots of time together for each other and I would love for us to have a baby.
I always wonder what it will look like, if it will be a boy or girl first, how they will grow up and be.
I just want to start my family and live together already.

heyheather · Jan 21, 2008, 09:40 PM

What about if I wait till I'm almost 20?

Synnen · Jan 21, 2008, 09:42 PM

Why not just wait until you're married and have a stable married life?

Age has nothing to do with when you're ready for a baby, really. Maturity DOES.

Waiting until you live together in marriage is a MUCH better way to start a family than just getting pregnant and getting married whenever.

Put the commitment to each other first, before you commit to another life entirely.

BigCityDreams007 · Jan 22, 2008, 06:04 AM

I don't think you have to be married to have a baby. Its stupid and outdated.

Be ready. If you have a nice job make sure it's a nice job that will give you time off to have the baby... make sure you have the money to put the baby in daycare which normally runs 200+ A WEEK. Baby's are not cheap and they need lots of love and care. From both parents! I really think you should wait until he is ready!

sugerlump · Jan 22, 2008, 06:33 AM

I Am 20 And I Was Nearly 19 When I Had My Little Girl, She Is My Pride And Joy And I Love Her More Than Anything, But I Didn't Plan Her Although Me And Her Day Are Still Together And We Live With Each Other, I Do Wish We Had Waited In Some Ways Because I Look At Other Young Girls My Age And They Have All The Freedom In The World It's a Lot Different When Uv Got Ur Own Kids U Cannot Give Them Back At The End Of The Day. Id Think Long And Hard At The End Of The Day Only You And Ur Partner Can Decide But Il Be Honest Parenthood Is Not Easy X

Starrviolet · Jan 22, 2008, 09:43 AM

Hon, I would wait. There is a lot of financial responsibility involved even before the baby is born. Do you have medical insurance? Do you realize that your prenatal care alone with the OBGYN without insurance would be in the high 6,000 area and that doesn't even include the hospital bill hun. I know you think you are ready, but seriously take their advice, your boyfriend has the right idea about wanting to be married and have a house first. I am 25 and married and currently in a situation where we are staying with my parents, but we are pregnant.. and I realize that there is going to be some difficulty with room for the baby... While I don't regret having become pregnant, I do sometimes wish that my husband and I had our own place for the baby. But its not possible for us right now with him in college.. Im just going to have to take it as it comes

templelane · Jan 22, 2008, 10:34 AM

Ok this might seem a bit random but have you thought about getting a pet to channel your motherly/brooding instincts into whilst you wait for your financial/age/martiatal situation to improve?

LearningAsIGo · Jan 22, 2008, 10:34 AM

I don't think you have to be married to have a baby. Its stupid and outdated.

No, its not a requirement to have a baby, but being married first is not stupid, nor outdated. That approach to raising a family deserves more consideration than that.

You definitely want to wait, hun. Living in your own home and (possibly) being married can make life much easier when you start a family. You wouldn't want to bring a baby into this world if "his parents would kill us" and your mom would be mad. You want to bring a baby into the world when your both ready... ideally, not living with either of your parents. Its hard to wait, but sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and make the right decision for both of you.

talaniman · Jan 22, 2008, 10:46 AM

BigCityDreams007, I don't think you have to be married to have a baby. Its stupid and outdated.

To each his own, but don't knock it, unless you try it.

Be ready. If you have a nice job make sure it's a nice job that will give you time off to have the baby... make sure you have the money to put the baby in daycare which normally runs 200+ A WEEK. Baby's are not cheap and they need lots of love and care. From both parents! I really think you should wait until he is ready!

These are the just the things to be worked out ahead of time, and agreed upon, before getting pregnant. You should at least wait to see if your child can have the best you can give, and the details worked out.

Synnen · Jan 22, 2008, 10:49 AM

Nope... never said you HAD to be married to have a baby.

But--stupid and outdated?

Why NOT get married first, if you're in a committed relationship with the person you want to have a baby with? Isn't it better to have that legal stepping stone done? I mean, it's one thing if you're pregnant accidentally--but to PLAN a baby without being married?

To me, that's just stupid. If you don't know whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and you can't show the world that you're both willing to make that committment--then why make the commitment of a child together, since that will link you for the rest of your lives as well?

BigCityDreams007 · Jan 22, 2008, 02:38 PM

Originally Posted by LearningAsIGo

No, its not a requirement to have a baby, but being married first is not stupid, nor outdated. That approach to raising a family deserves more consideration than that.

Who says that marriage makes a family.. if her and her boyfriend are together the baby has a mother and a father... being married before having a child doesn't make it better... they are a family with or without the marriage paper

Originally Posted by Synnen

Nope...never said you HAD to be married to have a baby.

But--stupid and outdated?

Why NOT get married first, if you're in a committed relationship with the person you want to have a baby with? Isn't it better to have that legal stepping stone done? I mean, it's one thing if you're pregnant accidentally--but to PLAN a baby without being married?

To me, that's just stupid. If you don't know whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and you can't show the world that you're both willing to make that committment--then why make the commitment of a child together, since that will link you for the rest of your lives as well?

Why do you have to have a paper saying your married to prove your love. That's a little stupid. Why can't there love for each other be enough. Why can't it mean anything without being married... all I say was you don't have to be married is because so many people think since they get pregnant they HAVE to get married they don't. They can love each other forever and be a family without being married

mjl · Jan 22, 2008, 03:46 PM

They are not saying that you are not in a committed relationship if you aren't married. There are many people who aren't married but are in a long term committed loving relationship of course.

What they are trying to say is that they want her to make sure she is in a long term relationship before bringing a child into the combination. Marrying a person is a good way to know that you are in a long term committed relationship, but of course not the only way.

And no, marriage is not just a piece of paper. It is about making the promise publicly that you will stay with that person for ever by making vows in front of your family and friends. And yes, of course you can promise someone to be with them forever without having a wedding.

These people are only looking out for her well being by advising her good solid advice.

peggyhill · Jan 22, 2008, 04:31 PM

I think that it would be best if you waited a while, heyheather. Once you guys are financially stable and have your own house and health insurance, then it will be easier to provide for the baby. Personally, I think that it is good to be married first. That is just my opinion.

It's normal for women to want a child; it's the maternal instinct. But, it will be so much easier to do when you guys are more financially stable and have your own place.

heyheather · Jan 23, 2008, 04:47 PM

I have a little doggie already.
Anyway, we probably could have are own place because we both have great jobs already.
But, his mom won't let us unless were married.
So I guess all together I figured if I had a baby.
I really want a baby to love and I can't wait till we get to share that together but also so we can live together and be a family.
Not right now though this is for in the future like a year.
I really want a baby now, I wish there was someway I was already 22 but I'm going to have to wait I know.
So thanks for your info.