[boop21197]

Before I get started, there are some things that you need to know, so maybe you can get an idea, my husband and I are both 54, he is from West Virginia, and I'm from Fla. We have been together since 1997, when we first got together things were great, about a year after we were married, my kids father got locked up and my kids came to live with us, which made me happy that I had gotton my kids back, we made a good home for them, and he tried so hard to be a father to them, and my kids treated him like dirt, whch put me between them, right in the middle. I started getting depress real bad, I had to listen about what the kids did or didn't do, then I had to listen to my kids about they're stepfather, anyway, things got very out of control around here. Maybe you can get the picture.
At this time my husband wanted sex all the time, and I just wasn't into it, he would chase me around the house wanting sex, I was in bad shape, and to get him to leave me alone, I made a statement to him that maybe he needed to find someone to have sex with, now I really didn't mean it, I love my husband very very much.
It got to the point that he would never stay home is was always gone, well one night I was in bed, when he came home, his cell goes off, and I heard him talking, now his cell is on speaker phone and I hear this woman on the other end, I get up and walk into the living room, he doesn't know that I'm standing there, and I over here this " do you want me to come over I will". Well I went off, I ask him what the hell was going on and he said well you told me to find someone else and I did. Well I told him that he was going to have to choose who he wanted me or her, and he broke it off with her, and we got back together.
It's been a year now and things are okay, our sex life is back after 8 years of me with depression and menopause.
But I feel something isn't right, I work 4 days a week, he doesn't he is self empolyed, when I work all day and come home, right when I walk in the door, he starts with this " I want sex, doesn't even give me time to sit down and relax and at lease try and get in the mood. After sex he get dress and leaves to go around to his friends house and comes home when I'm going to bed, on the days that I work I go to bed early and he stays up watching TV and went I'm off he goes to bed early and I stay up and watch TV.
I don't know what's going on here. It's like he really doesn't want to be around me unless he wants sex, now I have tired to come on to him 3 different times and those 3 times I got turn down, I know he loves me, we went away to NC to do some gem mining, and he found this stone and had it made for me into a ring. He takes me shopping, takes me out to eat, tells me he loves me, all that stuff.
But he spends most of his time down around his friends house, I know that he is not seeing anyone, cause I have made friends with his friends and they tell me that he just comes down and sits , drinks some beers with the guys and watches football.
But I just have this feeling that he doesn't love me like he use too,
Like I said, I go to work at 5:30am, get off work at 2pm, come home, he wants sex, he leaves, comes home when I'm going to bed,
When I off work, it's the same thing almost, he'll go to bed early, and I stay up.
When I work, I go to bed early and he stays up.
What's up?

[George_1950]

It sounds a lot more positive than negative, and you have some good things to work with. What happened to the kids? How many and what ages? Grandkids showing up, yet? You should be able to have an evening out every week, go to the mall or see a movie, or whatever. Have you talked with your husband about relationship counseling?

[simoneaugie]

Either he's really set in his thinking or he is clueless that he is obviously avoiding you. Ask yourself what would be the ideal situation. Write it down. Relationship counselling could open the doors to good communication between you.

It sounds as if there is an idea in his head that sex is your primary purpose. You are his toy. When he doesn't feel like playing with you he leaves you in the toy box. All the dinners out, nice gifts and "I love yous" do not negate the fact that he usually treats you like a convenience item. You are more than just the four letter word, WIFE. That is why you asked.

I think he is hurt, still. But until the two of you discuss it and your relationship, the same scenario will continue.

[peggyhill]

I think that marriage counseling would be a great idea. It will help you guys communicate and regain some of the intimacy you lost. Anytime there is an affair, it takes a while to heal from the pain it caused. I think counseling would really help. See if your husband would be willing to go, and even if he isn't, go yourself so that you can be happy. Good luck!