[Robert7x]

Yeah, my ex and I used to ride a lot on it... it's beautiful. I tried the big cruisers, and man those things are heavy... I like going into the corners fast and leaning down and all... with those things, you can't do any of it.

I also have a matching red/black helmet and jacket... man when I suit up :) I can't wait for it to warm up around here damn it.

GSXr's are the best... I'm not a fan of the Honda's or Kawasaki.

[HistorianChick]

Having only been on a Ninja once with my ex, I really can't form an honest opinion. He had a cruiser as well and I was partial to that... Cruisers allow for more cuddles though.

Man... "I'm not afraid anymore!!!" (I felt the need for a Home Alone quote right then... )

Rah...

[HistorianChick]

Anyway, biker boys...

Onward and Upward!!

[Delow84]

I have been on a cruiser one time when I was like 9 or less. Never rode any other bike since then. I have always wanted a bike, couldn't get one with ex cause she felt it was to dangerous for me etc. So now I find myself with the opportunity, so ima take it :) plus sportsbikes just look so much more seksi then a cruiser. Imo of course.

[Delow84]

So I have never been one of the types to spend a lot of time in front of a mirror. Only time I really ever do is to shave. For the most part I have been of the mind "I am what I am, don't like it I dont care." Which of course is a great outlook, that my ex kind of dented.

There were times in our relationship I hated the person I would see in the mirror. I never just saw myself and was like "wow this is me now." I still saw myself as immature and childish. I didn't really like it.

But yesterday, I was at a store waiting for the clerk to go get something, and saw myself in the window reflection, and for once in my life I think I liked and was proud of the person looking back. I am not perfect by far, but I feel like I'm coming into my own now.

And a few things that have helped my confidence lately... the nurses and techs and people at work keep complimenting me on diff stuff. And everyone seems more friendly to me. I went to a party Friday night since I managed to get out after 10 hours of working... my bro and cousin were there. And again more people(girls) all complimenting me and flirting and stuff. I had a great time till I went home and threw up on the floor lol. And for some reason I got the nick name mike, as in michael jackson... (I think its from my long hair, of which I don't know how many girls were running their fingers through.)

I haven't stopped thinking of my ex. But I've remembered so much that I had forgotten, that she did to hurt me. I have looked at her pic on my cell one (the only pic I have on it) only once in I don't know how long. I actually went out to eat with my family (in the past I would always blow them off to stay home) it was fun. We ate at a chinese restaurant, and when I looked at my fortune cookie I had to laugh.

"A journey of a thousand miles, must begin with a single step."

So I'm taking each step, and enjoying whatever happens when I do.

Oh and I found a really cool song, called "does that make me crazy" don't know exactly what its about but its upbeat and the chorus sounds like how I feel so its awesome lol. Now I will still bust out with tears, but at least I don't have to pull over the car or work myself till I pass out to stop or get my mind off whatever.

Anyway just thought id give an update on my journey. :)

[talaniman]

Been reading this post for a while, but I honestly can't add much to it, as it seems to have been covered very well, by others who have posted. Glad your doing so well.

[HistorianChick]

Awww, Delow! Sounds like you had an awesome weekend!

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." How true is that? And, how appropriate. You're taking those steps... can't wait to see where you end up!

As much as an e-friend can be... I'm proud of you! :)

Thanks for the update on your journey. You da bomb, babe!

[Delow84]

Been reading this post for a while, but I honestly can't add much to it, as it seems to have been covered very well, by others who have posted. Glad your doing so well.

Fortunatly I have gotten a lot of good advice, and it really helps just to voice all the thoughts in my head. It trully helps just to have people compliment you or like HC say they are proud of you. Don't hear that stuff often so this thread has been my own personal inspiration.

I guess atm I'm on a low, prob didn't help that my cousin(who was probably my biggest supporter in the beginning of all this) kind of got my in a bind financially so got to fix that. Then the fact that nights are so lonely. Meh.

I wrote a lot of poems along time ago, and maybe it was forshadowing because they all say it best how I feel now.
I wrote this one and its where I'm at tonight more or less... but tonight won't last forever.

Nights so lonely I could cry
Days so dark that I could die...
Feelings so strong that they hurt my soul
Indifference from friends that makes me cold
What I hold onto every night
Is the hope that ill be all right
And every morning I dread that day
Feeling my life is slipping away
I grab and hold but still it goes...
Its washed away to leave me exposed...
Friends and family, they don't see
What I'm feeling, what's wrong with me...
They say that they understand...
And they're doing the best they can
But what is really hurting me the most
Is not having someone to hold close...
Someone to love me for who I am.
And I try every day to do what I can
But I'm always left with nights so lonely I could cry
And days so dark I want to die.

A single step. Definitely words to live by. K now I got to go work out these thoughts I got.
I just burned me 2 cd's, one is all upbeat sad/inspirational songs, the other is just plain sad lol. Night everyone, go pats!

[HistorianChick]

You need a cardio cd, too. All those good 90's (granted, CHEESY) heavy bass songs. Then go out and work out! I had to make on after a particularly bad breakup. Something about working out and heavy bass that helps "cleanse."

(Poor Brady!! Sooooo glad that last quarter was exciting... and the last 35 seconds... wow... )

[Delow84]

I just didn't want the giants to win, they got lucky vs my pack >:). But you I'm feeling much better today, took your advice and made another cd lol. The weekend is usually the tougher part of my week, at work I don't have time to dwell to long.

[HistorianChick]

Look what I found this morning... I LOVE it!! :)

"Obstacles cannot crush me. Every obstacle yields to stern resolve. He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." ~Leonardo Da Vinci~

Amazing, isn't it?

[HurtingALot]

Forgive my ignorance, HC... I do think this is a great thought... but I don't understand the part about "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind..." Your thoughts?

[HistorianChick]

Not ignorance at all, my friend. Every quote, verse, saying, story has a different meaning to each person who reads it.

For me, I think "He who is fixed to a star does not change his mind." talks about purpose.

I've always been fascinated with the stars. I have experienced some of my greatest memories when lying beneath a starry blanket. One of my favorite quotes is "The most tempestuous wind cannot disturb the quiet of the stars." The stars are a source of constant inspiration.

The whole "fixing on a star" is a very important part of my life. When I was a kid, my Dad and I would go camping once a month with this little YMCA group called Indian Princesses. It was a Dad/Daughter bonding thing. We lived in Michigan, so it was cold most of the months that we camped... we'd sit out by the fire with the other Dad's and Daughters and watch the stars come out. My Dad (who, by the way is my hero) and I would always find Orion and talk about it. Since those days, I have often found Orion with my Dad and remembered.

My Dad passed away from cancer four years ago. I remember one night, very close to the end, after leaving my Dad at the hospital for the night, I came home, parked my car, and burst into tears. I got out of my car and laid down on my driveway and found "our" Orion. And I started to "talk to Dad." Ever since then, whenever I see Orion in the night sky, I feel a special connection with my Dad and yes, I still "talk" to him while fixing on those stars.

So for me, when I fix my sights on that star, I will never lose sight of my hero, my inspiration, my guide. By doing so, I know that no matter what happens in life, I will always have that star.

When you fix your sites on a star, whatever it is - healing after a break up, going for a PhD (another star I've fixed my sight on!), finishing the day - whatever "star" you fix your sights on, if you truly focus your attention and drive upon that star, you will never change your mind.

You will go on into that successful life of pursuing your dream... your own star.

[HurtingALot]

HC... thanks for the story and your take on the phrase. INSPIRING...
I have read some of your past... (being left at the altar... etc... etc... ) yet you seem SO PUT TOGETHER! How long were you a mess? You have come so far! (Was it long ago? )

I can only hope that I am where you are soon... Thank you again for being such an inspiration to me and others.

[DMBacoustic]

HistorianChick has a lot of thoughtful, purposeful insight into this. Listen to her and I think you'll learn your way soon enough.

[HistorianChick]

Oh, Darlin, I've really only shared half of the icky stuff that have made me who I am!

How did I get "so put together?" One moment at a time.

I've always kept faithfully to the "ten minute rule." When you're going through the roller coaster of life, you need to have time to breathe... but sadly, once you finally think you're at a gentle part of the roller coaster, the bottom drops out and you're in a free fall (or a loop-dee-loop!) Basically, you must schedule "breather" times. I have gone with ten minutes a day.

I know that I have ten minutes (my drive home from work) to vent, scream, cry, RAH at the world, sing, go nuts, blubber, be the inner-depressed-self that we all have, pull my hair out, whatever. Some days, I literally live for those ten minutes. When I was going through my ex-fiasco and in the time that my Dad was sick, then after his funeral I took those ten minutes every day - I lived for them, I focused on them... BUT, by living for them, guess what happened?? The rest of my day was lived under the "I can make it til 5. I can do this. I can cry later."

Then, the day came when I didn't need the ten minutes. I sang along with the Goo-Goo Dolls on the way home, rather than mess up my eye makeup with tears! The next day, I needed it again. Recently, I've needed it. But only on some days.

Bottom line: I have learned to be content. I have learned to know that there is a plan, that I have a purpose, that my destiny is beautiful and bright. I have learned that I am the type of emotional woman that needs ten minutes every day (even if I don't use said minutes) to fall apart. Because when I allow myself that time, I know that I can make it through the day.

You have to live in the moment. Every moment is laced with shiny-potential (see my signature). Every day is a new chance to show the world what you can do. Every person is a potential friend/colleague/inspiration. Every struggle is just a chance to grow. Every rip in your broken heart will scab and make a pearl (if you haven't seen that post, let me know - I'll send you the link).

I'm a sucker for pearls. I have way too many. Because I've been hurt and wounded and left at the altar and passed-over and crushed and betrayed. BUT, hon, I've also been blessed beyond measure. I have friends. Family. A job. A beautiful past and a glorious future. I have me. My character. My personality. My likes and dislikes. Myself.

Annnnnd I rambled way too much! :) Hope this helped a tad! :) I'm a delightful tie-dye of life experiences... If I say so myself! ;)

[life1973happened]

All hail the 10 minute rule!

I can feel a copyright deal coming on, maybe a book deal?

[Delow84]

Ya HC is great, and her advice is definitely worth listening too. But on the davinci quote my take on the last phrase is a little diff "he who is fixed to a star does not change his mind" to me is like if you focus on one thing you never experience everything else. You know?

Like if you dwell on an ex so much it rules your life, you miss the opportunities that life gives you. I don't know but HC's interpretation better.

[HistorianChick]

See, this is why I love quotes. It translates into something different to everyone!

But, as you all already know, my perpetual-Barbie-girl-optimism colors my interpretation of all of life's events, no matter how dull and dreary. Consequently, I tend to apply quotes/stories/sayings on the positive side, glass-half-full end of the spectrum! :)

Although, yes Delow, I can totally see that application to the quote as well...

[HistorianChick]

Ooo... BUT if you dwell on healing and moving on so much, no matter what the ex does it won't deter you from your goal...