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SuzieQ78 · Jan 15, 2008, 08:02 AM

:confused: Hello, I'm 29 and married for the 2nd time. I have no children although I want them so badly. My husband has 3 children from previous relationships. He is a veteran of the Iraqi war, and is having a lot of problems, with drinking, anger, physically, PTSD, and with being faithful. He was in a military hospital and will be going back soon. When he drinks he has no control of his anger usually towards me. He has choked me in the past and threatened other things. When he first came home from the hospital everything was great he seemed to control himself and not be so irritable. However last night the old him came out. He tried walking home completely wasted from a restaurant we were at and on a crutch. He threw his wedding ring somewhere I'm not sure. Finally a friend picked him up took him home and he walked to the local bar. I was fearful for my safety and for my dogs so I left and stayed with my parents(we didn't have his kids last night). When he got home he realized I had the keys to the house and called the cops on me, he also said I stole the dogs. I spoke to the police officier and there was no action taken. When I returned this morning to get some things for work I went through his cell phone and found messages from the female bartender. Stating he wanted her to come over and spend the night with him. So I called her and told her just because he took his ring off didn't mean he wasn't still married and asked her never to call him again. He also neglected to tell her he has 3 kids with 2 different women. She apologized and we hung up. I'm no saint once I saw that I was pretty upset so I said some mean things to him. Which I feel bad about now, but he by far went really low. We've been trying to have kids of our own with no luck, I had a misscarriage this past summer. He said to me " Aw can you get pregnant? No that's too bad." Very sarcastic. I was crushed by that statement. I still will have partial custody of his children while he is away. Taking them to school& daycare with no help from anyone. He supposed to leave this Monday and not return until June or July. I look at his kids like their my own and they look to me as their mother. I love them more than anything and him. I guess what I'm trying to say is do I stay and try to work things out?

Fr_Chuck · Jan 15, 2008, 08:22 AM

YOU have been abused, and need to be in a safe place, if and when he returns it should not be to your home, if he can prove he has gotten professional help and has anger issues ( plus has stopped drinking) then and only then would there be even a slightest chance.

SuzieQ78 · Jan 15, 2008, 09:09 AM

When he was in the military hospital he was getting professional help. I tried calling his case worker to help her understand how severe his anger and drinking is in confidence and she turned around and told him I called her. I had no intentions of breaking her confidentaility with him I just wanted to tell her what I was going through and maybe she could help him further. He came home for the holidays and he was wonderful like I said before. I don't know if he is acting this way because he has to leave again. The reason he's there for so long is because he "accidently" shot himself in his leg a couple months back. He will never take any blame for anything, it's always my fault.

George_1950 · Jan 15, 2008, 03:24 PM

I can't imagine why you would want to work things out. Where is the mother(s) of these kids?

shygrneyzs · Jan 15, 2008, 03:41 PM

He tried to choke you - you want to stick around for round two of that? You can love someone and not love what they do to you. You can love someone and yet that is no excuse to stick around and continue being the victim.

He needs help - lots of help. PTSD is very real and very scary. He could take you and his children and the dogs out some night when he loses control of himself. Those children have no doubt seen or heard some of what goes on. If you think nothing of yourself, have no value for your life, at least get some for those children.

mraquino21 · Jan 15, 2008, 03:48 PM

I really agree with the comments above. I was in an abusive relationship from a soldier that was deployed to Iraq (my Ex husband). He came back with ptsd and scetsafrinia. He was abusive and cheted on me. I ended up getting out of the relationship and we did have a daughter together. My best advise to you on top of the comments above is postpone having a baby. If things are bad now they will only get worse when you have a child.