[hurt and confused]

Over the last six months I have found my husband to have many secrets. Credit cards without my knowledge, using credit card for everyday expenses when he has plenty of money in his pocket, hidden receipts and pay stubs, hidden receipts for withdraws from our credit union without my knowledge. When I ask why I only get "I don't know why I did it". Recently worked a 14 hour day at a job with a friend which he said was for extra money to help out (I make double his salary and pay all of our living expenses) but I never saw a penny of it. Right before Christmas he had $600 gone in a week that he could not account for with nothing to show for it and no receipts. I have asked all the obvious questions - girlfriend, child, drugs, gambeling, owe someone money, gave someone money, paying for something, helping family. He answers no to all questions and then says "I don't know what to tell you" or "What do you want me to say?". Something's he has flat out lied and when I prove it a lie I get "ok so I lied". In our last agument I asked "So do yu want me or her?" First he said he didn't know. When I asked again he said "I don't want her and I dont want you". We've been married for 25 years, have 2 grown children and a grandchild as well as a 12 year old. I don't know what o think or do, Please help!

[Fr_Chuck]

Need to sit down and go over all of the bills,

[bushg]

So you pay for everything and he does what he wants with his money in addition to running up credit card bills, now he tells you that he is not sure if he wants you or another woman. This man needs a reality check. Kick his sorry a$$ to the curb.

[hurt and confused]

Thank you for your reply but I do wonder if he said he didn't know what he wants out of shame or something and didn't mean it

[bushg]

Look, you have 25 years invested in this man and he will not even talk to you. If I let him stay for a bit and I mean if.
1.He would split the bills with me 50-50.
2. I would do a credit check and make sure no credit cards had my name on them.
3. No more sex or other wifely duties.
4. He would have to open up his mouth and start talking or one of us would leave.

[kraz]

Why are you defending a man who is doing something behind you back?

I agree totally with the four points that bushg has listed.

If I was in you situation I would transfer out half of the money in any joint account and stop putting my money into a joint account for him the squander as he please, and not know what he has done with it.

He needs to be made responsible for his actions and you need to discuss what he is hiding from you. It is just not right

[simoneaugie]

He does seem unsure of what he wants. Protect yourself. You can love him and let him be, but protect yourself. It is not your job to save him.