[binbin]

I have been a step-mom for about 6-months now; however, I dated my husband for 4 years before we married and was heavily involved with his life as well as his son's life.

My stepson, Billy, is a great, fun-loving, highly intelligent kid. I love being around him and he makes me so happy. His father and I encourage truth and optimism and discourage prejudices and negativity. It's absolutely amazing watching his personality grow.

Billy's mom is not a very nice person, but has the appearance of being this all-American soccer mom. She lies to Billy about his father, makes Billy call his new step-dad "dad," and basically, we feel, that the only reason she wants Billy's dad (my husband) around is for the support checks – otherwise I bet she wishes we didn't exist. She's rude and mean (and I want to say – stupid). We have shared custody that allows us to have him around 40% of the time. She won't go for split custody because she wouldn't get child support. (Like she needs it, she lives in a brand new built house, has three cars and two other children in her new marriage. She always has new clothes and shoes, and new furniture is always popping up around her house.) She doesn't let us make decisions on anything about Billy's life. Where he plays baseball at, which school he goes to, which church he'll take his religious education classes at (both families are catholic), etc. It's totally frustrating.

This morning, while taking Billy to school, Billy says, "I know why my parents got a divorce. It's because my dad left us there by ourselves all the time." I happen to know that's not the case. It's a blatant lie. I told Billy that both his parents love him and they are both happy with their new families and that divorce is never one person's fault. I told him that his dad loves him so much that it would be impossible for him to ever leave.

I am so appalled by Billy's statement. He was too young to remember the divorce (he was 1-yr old). I don't know why she's lying to him about the details and why she would think that it's appropriate to say such things to him. In truth, she was the one leaving as soon as Billy's dad got home from work. She refused to get a job, even though she has a college degree, and she met her now-husband while she was still married to Billy's dad at a bar when Billy's dad was at home making dinner and cleaning the house.

I know that I'm just a step-mom and maybe none of this is my business. I just love Billy so much and want to see all the best for him. I can't believe his mom would say something like that to him (there's a laundry list of other things that she has said as well). My husband is going to send her an e-mail to address the comment, but really it's futile. She believes she does no wrong.

I need help. I need advice. I think I want a lawyer?

[George_1950]

A judge once said about a divorced couple that if he knew they were going to keep arguing so much, that he wouldn't have granted the divorce.

You wrote: " My husband is going to send her an e-mail to address the comment, but really it's futile." I agree with you because he is not going to fix or change her.

I need help. I need advice. I think I want a lawyer? Exactly right, either a child counselor or family specialist, and a lawyer. The boy should be interviewed by the counselor, and not prepped or coached in any manner. It is fairly common in child custody agreements to include language that the parties shall not criticize or demean the other in the presence of the child. If that is not in your husband's, he may want to apply for modification. If it is included, his lawyer may advise filing a motion to hold her in contempt.

[kraz]

I agree with George.
Are you and your husband in a position to ask for full custody of Billy?

[binbin]

No, not really. I mean, in order to assume full custody, I would think that I would have to prove her as an unfit mother? She's not, she's just a jerk and unfortunately, there's really no way to prove that she says these things... we just know from what Billy says. I mean, correct me if I'm wrong. There's nothing we would want more to have full-custody - if that's in the best interest of Billy.