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JerseyGuy · Jan 9, 2008, 08:10 AM

Hi everyone I've been reading some of the other threads on relationships and they have helped very much already and I hope I can get help with mine.

My problem is that my now ex-girlfriend that I've been dating for about 2 3/4 years told me this past Sunday that she wanted to take a break for about a week to think about things. She said that she needed some time to be able to try and become independent because basically up until two weeks ago it's just been us with some friends on the side here and there. She still wanted to talk with me over the week and hang out with me so I was like whatever I could do that because at the end of the week she told me we would get back together. So just yesterday, this Tuesday, we hung out and she tried to explain that a week wasn't long enough and that we should just stay friends while she thinks things out. When I asked her a reason for wanting to be friends she said that with the addition of a relationship the hassles of school and work were too much for her to handle. And she didn't really even have a reason for wanting to be friends other than it felt right for her at this time in her life.

The problem is that she is my best friend that I've known since 7th grade when I was like 12 and I'm 19 now. When she told me the news she said she didn't want me wait around and I could see other girls and that she wasn't going to get in another relationship. She also said that she didn't want to lost me as her best friend and that she still wants to hang out and call each other and stuff like that. She is still going to think about the relationship and said that she didn't really know how long this was all going to take.

So my question is, should I continue to be friends with her no matter how hard it would be or just move on? And should I start to see other people or take some time off and see how this plays out, because she didn't know how long this was going to take?

thischarmingman · Jan 9, 2008, 08:26 AM

Take the hint my friend, you were just kids when you got together and have simply grown apart as boyfriend/girlfriend, you can still be best friend, first loves always remain just that, so you can move on happily knowing you truly have a friend, hope it helps..

DMBacoustic · Jan 9, 2008, 08:32 AM

This may have been her way of just letting everything go easy. I'm sure she didn't JUST think about all this. It's probably been in her head for a while. I just went through the same thing. If you think that you can be just friends with her and you can keep your feelings at bay then by all means, especially since it sounds like this was just an easy breakup, meaning neither one of you did anything horrible to each other. But if you think for a second that you'll keep falling for her, its time to put yourself first.

Matteus · Jan 9, 2008, 08:36 AM

Originally Posted by JerseyGuy

Hi everyone I've been reading some of the other threads on relationships and they have helped very much already and i hope i can get help with mine.

My problem is that my now ex-girlfriend that I've been dating for about 2 3/4 years told me this past sunday that she wanted to take a break for about a week to think about things. She said that she needed some time to be able to try and become independent because basically up until two weeks ago it's just been us with some friends on the side here and there. She still wanted to talk with me over the week and hang out with me so i was like whatever i could do that because at the end of the week she told me we would get back together. So just yesterday, this Tuesday, we hung out and she tried to explain that a week wasn't long enough and that we should just stay friends while she thinks things out. When I asked her a reason for wanting to be friends she said that with the addition of a relationship the hassles of school and work were too much for her to handle. And she didn't really even have a reason for wanting to be friends other than it felt right for her at this time in her life.

The problem is that she is my best friend that I've known since 7th grade when i was like 12 and I'm 19 now. When she told me the news she said she didn't want me wait around and i could see other girls and that she wasn't going to get in another relationship. She also said that she didn't want to lost me as her best friend and that she still wants to hang out and call each other and stuff like that. She is still going to think about the relationship and said that she didn't really know how long this was all going to take.

So my question is, should i continue to be friends with her no matter how hard it would be or just move on? And should i start to see other people or take some time off and see how this plays out, because she didnt know how long this was going to take?

She is the one who makes the pace in this relation. Today she told you she needs a break for about a week, and than after sometime she will ask you for 2 weeks, and than 1 month, etc. It seems like this girl doesn't respect the relation at all, and her effort and time she used to spend in this 2 3/4 months of relation. Anyway, I guess your relation, although it may sound hard to hear for you, its already dead my friend, and I tell you why. Just because when we lose interes in someone else, we lose it and that's it. As long as we are attracted to someone else, no matter what and whatever our life is filled with, we will give them the attention and we will like to be with them, and not because of them, but because WE want it. I say, stop everything you are doing right now, this bull of friendship, and all the rest, let her have her space, and don't wait for her. Move on, because you can't do nothing better than that. If you are going to be friends, you disrespect your own feelings toward her, and she will have your company, without the need of having a relation with you. If she wants to come back, she will know where to find you!

talaniman · Jan 9, 2008, 08:39 AM

The good news, you don't have to lose your best friend. The bad news is she no longer wants to be an exclusive couple. Can you be friends without wanting more?? If not, it would be in your interest to take time to mourn the loss of this relationship, as it was, and accept that things have changed.

JerseyGuy · Jan 9, 2008, 09:42 AM

The thing I'm not sure about is that we have dated on and off since like 7th grade but this was the longest one by far and we have always remained friends in between the breaks. The annoying part is that she tells me she can still see us getting married and moving in together in the future. Is this just her trying to keep me as like a plan to fall back on?

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2008, 10:02 AM

Oof. I'm not so sure if he should remain friends... until he's ready. Are you going to be OK if she gets into another relationship?

Sorry my friend... but "i need a break" and "let's stay friends" are novel t-shirt ideas. It could range from "i'm just not that into you anymore" to "i really need a break" to "i met another guy but i don't want to hurt you"

Good luck

JerseyGuy · Jan 9, 2008, 10:12 AM

She said she can't be in a relationship with anyone because she gets too stressed out. She tells me she has the type of personality where she will be constantly worrying about me and then with applying to schools and work its too much for her to deal with right now.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 9, 2008, 10:16 AM

... yeah... sorry bud, but in my experience, what she says means nothing to me. I've had girlfriends actually say THERE IS NO ONE ELSE! While there was someone else... and these girls are actually NICE girls. I've heard girls say I NEED TO CONCENTRATE ON SCHOOL... and a week later, are with someone else.

I'm not saying your girl's with someone else... I'm just saying... a girl who "needs a break"... whatever she says, you need to take it with a spoonful (forget a grain) of salt.

DMBacoustic · Jan 9, 2008, 10:20 AM

Look at it this way you love her so much and you have these strong feelings for her. But lets say you had troubles in school or at work or whatever. You still wouldn't tell this girl you needed a break if you loved them or wanted to be with them. In a lot of this cases like everyone is saying, its just a nice way of saying see you later. And as far as her saying oh I can see us getting married someday, that is her way of keeping you attached by the string at all times. Don't fall for it. Just look out for yourself.

JerseyGuy · Jan 9, 2008, 10:34 AM

But what she did do was tell me that she didn't want me to wait around for her to make up her mind because she didn't know how long it would take.

talaniman · Jan 9, 2008, 10:44 AM

It doesn't matter what she says now, it will only confuse you, and have you questioning every word, every action. I just wanted to know where your head was, and how you felt being dumped, albeit, nicely. This is where I tell you about no contact, no matter what, so you can heal, and cope with this. Read the links in my signature, and see if any of it fits your situation. Let us know what you think.

JerseyGuy · Jan 9, 2008, 12:36 PM

Go with no contact even though she tells me she never wants to lost me as her best friend? How long should I go with the no contact for, like forever?

DMBacoustic · Jan 9, 2008, 12:44 PM

You can't be a best friend after she broke up with you. How are you going to feel when she starts dating or gets into a relationship. Its going to destroy you, and we know she says she doesn't want that, but trust me we've all been there and her saying that means absolutely nothing. You should do NC until you have healed completely and you are going to think of her as only a friend. Once you do that you'll be all set

talaniman · Jan 9, 2008, 05:19 PM

Originally Posted by JerseyGuy

Go with no contact even though she tells me she never wants to lost me as her best friend? How long should I go with the no contact for, like forever?

Until you have healed and can cope with your feelings in a positive way. It will be a while. Did you read the links??

JerseyGuy · Jan 11, 2008, 08:44 AM

Yes I read the links about what to expect from being dumped and things to do. I hung out with some people yesterday and played video games with my brother. The only problem yesterday is that the people I hung out with are also friends with her and my ex kept texting them asking how I was and if I was doing all right.

The weird thing is I'm not really upset about this breakup, like I was a little bit the morning after it happened like around the time I made the first post but since then I've been fine. Is it normal to feel like this or is something wrong with me?

ISneezeFunny · Jan 11, 2008, 08:49 AM

You're going to have good days. You're going to have bad days. It's possible that it hasn't hit you yet. Who knows? Regardless, just keep on truckin.

JerseyGuy · Feb 22, 2008, 07:45 AM

Hey everyone, thanks for the help with my problem. I'd say it's been about a month and a half now and talk with her regularly again just as friends. I see now why everyone says they all look back and laugh about how they obsess with everything in the beginning of a breakup but now that it's all over I'm happier than I was when I was with her. So I just wanted to say thanks and that there is hope for those who think there really isn't any.