[Alexanderrh]

Partner adult children home/dont pay rent - pay utility and tax.
Returned home due to non payment rent/tax council house.
Rising debts.
Is it not a learning curve to adulthood to contribute rent

[simoneaugie]

It is situational. The one's who probably should contribute are those who move back in numerous times, because they keep screwing up. That should be handled as if the child is still a child. Also the 50-year-olds who still live at home and don't help out. If I am receiving lots of help around the house and yard, and with the cars I don't expect rent.

Then, there is the thought that every last bit of support you give a person helps bring them to having a full life.

[oneguyinohio]

It would depend on the financial situation of those adult children. My own sister didn't like it when my parents asked her to pay some rent for herself and a child, (since she was not paying any of the bills but using phone for long distance and eating plenty... so she moved back out again. She had the means to pay, but wanted to use her money for play things and by moving out, she did have to then pay her own way... but at the same time, my parents no longer had to pay her bills that she was not helping with...

On the other hand, when I had to move home, due to a health problem, I did not pay rent, but I was not working, and did contribute a lot of physical labor to help the household, since my parents were not physically able...

So I guess, it boils down to what contributions are being made to the household...

[Alexanderrh]

Even though there is a contribution of labour. Why is rent not important? Why if a AC use the phone should they not be responsible of paying the bill. How does someone learn that you can't have unless you are prepared to pay or do something in return
The percentage of rent shoud be an amount according to the circumstances and should be put in a blocked bank account.
Surely the fact the attitude of the adult child who thinks everything should be given to them no questions asked with no consideration of others just because they are the child no matter of age.
Because the house is owned the house goes to them anyway.
Situ is that parent cannot have in the house who he wants as partner, life is made difficult, I mean unbearable over a 10 year period due to attitude of said AC plus siblings in and out of house over said period. To the point that parent moves out to be with partner. Now because of the lie, that AC plus sibling who has never had debts but still made life unbearable since coming back to family home is not paying rent has come to front, now has to go back to own home as partner does not agree with the situation.
No thought goes to how much the parent has done for them over all the years. Taxi, shopper, lending put them 1st,2nd 3rd himself last.
Surely making adult child face full resposibilities in the normal world with the support of a parent in the background being more valuable to the AC than letting them think it is their god given right to get without return.
Anyone can do housework. Surely the fact that there are an x amount of people in the house all old enough to do something, is an automatic fact, you share everything from, housework, chores, utilities, and rent without having to be asked. If the toilet roll runs out someone other than the main shopper can run out and buy what is needed till main shop is done.
This is no longer the times where it is automatically thought the parent usually the mother does all the housework for all and sundry. These things should be automatic from the time a child is old enough to wash and dry dishes and take the rubbish out to the bins,wash the car etc, etc. Gone are the days where work is only done by the mother, just because the mother stays at home. Most of the time both parents work, even in a one parent family the same goes.
Quality family time is made by everyone contributing to whatever is needed at the time and according to the persons age, talent and capabilities.
I do agree that if a person is ill and does not earn should be excempt but those who earn no matter what, should be a percentage of whatever is due taking into consideration of amount earned. Even illnes does not excempt the person from everything again take the capabilities and use it or loss it.
After all if holidays and drink and spending other peoples money is more important than paying for a roof over your head. How do people learn if everything is given with anything in return and for how long must a spoilt brat be spoilt to the point of ruining parents life.

[oneguyinohio]

I agree with everything you wrote.

"how long must a spoilt brat be spoilt to the point of ruining parents life."

As long as the parent allows it. If the parent sees it as a problem, they can choose to let it continue or take some action. I would think the child needs a wake up call. The parent may not want to make waves so that the child does not get mad.

As far as giving the house to the child in the end, that also does not have to happen. There are many cases with wills... where the child only gets a small portion and the rest can go to other places, but again it is the parents decision.

Sounds like the parent is an enabler. Committed to the family, but also being used by them. Sometimes it is easier to complain than to respond as others would.

[lacuran8626]

My parents have helped me - well into adulthood - by contributing significantly to my support by permitting me to live with them rent-free for a year after a devastating life experience which was very costly for me financially. Their intention was to give me a financial respite to counter what I had been through, and they had the means to do it. I tried to do all I could to be of help but they would not accept any money from me.

I think it depends on the situation. In mine, there were some things I could contribute to the household that were very helpful to my parents and avoided the need for them to pay hired help. However, what they spent on me far exceeded the reasonable cost for what I did to contribute to the household because I was working full time, and not that available to help. I had a goal for moving out, was saving my money, appreciated what they were doing for me, and had to accept that I needed the help. It was very humbling.

On the other hand, I don't think people should let their kids freeload or use their home as a protective barrier from the adult responsibilities of working, and so on. If a kid is a lazy bumb, they need for their parents to force them out on their own. If a family member is ill, or has a situation such as being left with a child by their spouse, or going through a period of financial crisis for which they have their own plan for survival, I think it's perfectly OK to open the door.

[N0help4u]

I agree with what Oneguyinohio said if they can afford to pay rent they should.
After all if they moved back home because they couldn't afford bills it is likely they can not afford them now. Although if they are not good with budgeting and they waste money before they consider bills making them contribute may be a good idea to get them to learn financial responsibility.
If they can afford to pay some rent, if you don't need it, you might set any money they give you that you don't need aside and then when they are ready to move out you can maybe help them with some of the money they gave you.

[Alexanderrh]

That was the suggestion I kept making that they put aside a certain amount of money into a blocked bank account for a year and that was to be used at later date. Improving the change of knowing the can save. But hey I am interfering in a family that has worked this way for so many years and don't need to be told how to get on

Thanks folks
At the end of the day I think it boils down to how tough an individual has to be that means me aceepting my fella as he is or persevere in trying to change 10 yrs of attitude you have to be to get them to realise your not doing for yourself but them and tough love stinks
Now I have found out utility bills not paid. Excuse there was a mix up with changing companies. 6 months down the line no one has contacted utility companie for answers. Talk about head in sand
Dughghghgghghgh