[charlottethedinosaur]

Personally, I enjoy studying psychology and sociology, and evaluating peoples behavior, finding out what makes them tick. I generally know the reasons for my own behavior also, but for as long as I can remember I've always hated myself. I really don't know why, I have very low self-esteem and zero self-confidence. As far as I know I haven't had any severe negative psychological experiences in my childhood, and it's getting to the point where I don't really care about why I feel the way I do, I just want to feel better. I already take 100mg of Sertraline (Zoloft) per day for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, General Anxiety and Depression. I'm having my dosage raised in a few weeks. I've also had multiple suicide attempts that I don't really feel obligated to discuss, and I feel very uncomfortable asking this question, and mentioning my attempts at ending my life. But I've tried everything, and I just want to feel better.

[simoneaugie]

Many of us have attempted suicide, or thought very seriously about it. Why do we want to end it? It always seems centered on a loss of hope. In your case, it may be partly a loss of hope that you will ever not hate yourself. Self hate is usually rooted in feeling empty inside. That hole in your soul can only be filled with Spirit. Not religion, Spirit.

Zoloft is a good drug. It helps many with the issues you mentioned. It did not work for me, nor did Paxil. Lately, in spite of an increased dose, Prozac pretty much quit helping. I think that trying the increased dosage of Zoloft is a good move. Adding omega-3 fatty acids as well as other nutritionals can help too. For me, the burning of sage has given me new life.

What I've said so far seems contradictory. Actually, the SSRI's can make the "hole in your soul" much more manageable.

[charlottethedinosaur]

Thanks for the advice, I'll try some of the things you suggested... But Omega-3 fatty acids come from fish, right? I'm a vegetarian, so would you happen to know of any other ways to incorperate them into my diet?

[Choux]

The American culture is *very negative* toward women at the present time. There is a lot of covert hostility on the part of a large number of men toward women because of the advances in the area of equal rights.

The media such as television undermines women's confidence many times a day... most references to women are only in terms of how thin they are and praises their role as consumers... Women are really torn down compared to fifty years ago. The record industry talks about women just being whores.

A woman has to take action to counter the negative assaults on her personhood by engaging in positive activities and avoiding that which tears her down. Intelligent friends who don't take any cr*p are an excellent ally in this war against women. Participating in sports is a super builder-upper.

Good Luck to you,

[charlottethedinosaur]

Thanks, I suppose that makes sense. I generally get treated like, from lack of a better word, sh*t by many of my peers, for my vegetarian, liberal and feminist beliefs. But I'm not sure if that's my main problem, since I don't feel at all insecure about my opinions, my gender, or sexual preference. Even though I'm straight.

[KBC]

I don't subscribe to the above idea about women being singled out!:(

Each gender has its own stigmas to conquer.

If you feel like sh*t,start the morning with a mantra,

"I am attractive"

"I am successful"

"I am going to do better today than I did yesterday"

Believe me this works,post its stuck all over the house,one right by the clock,for the AM wake up,on the mirrors,near light switches,etc.

Walking,light exercise, things like that also do wonders.

I can't tell your age, but I'd guess somewhere in late teens to early 20's?

I was still searching for self then too,and I was married with 2 kids!

Since then I have also had significant changes in my life,including mental breakdowns,hospitalized,even suicidal tendencies(9 attempts to date),I say this to let you know you are not alone, not terminally unique,and have support from me and many others in here if you want to try what we all suggest.

Hope this helps some,

Ken

[charlottethedinosaur]

Men do get singled out too, but I go to an alternative high school, where about 20 of the 150 students are female. Thanks, that is good advice, but the only problem is the mantra thing doen't work on me for some unknown reason. My old therapist used to have me do this, and it usually just made me feel worse. I don't know why.

[Choux]

Besides the anti-female assault you receive from the culture, I would like to mention how much good a 12 Step Program would be for you. There are many different groups to chose from, perhaps there is a group that covers your situation in your town or nearby... one thing you have to remember, if you want to make progress against the unhappiness and suicide attempts, you will have to change.

Best wishes,

[charlottethedinosaur]

I think I'll try that. Thanks. :]]

[Spartan112]

I would agree with KBC.

Self Confidence and Self hate is something you can very easily over come, I have, you might think it's hard but the only hard thing about it is really trying to get better.

Hating yourself could be from dissapointment, you would like to do a lot of things but you don't dare to, so you hate yourself for being weak, let me know if I'm getting warm.
I am not going to tell you what to do because I don't know, everyone has their own way of this.

Figgure out what you hate about yourself and work on it, you don't have to be who you think you are, you can be anyone you chose to. You can act on your own thoughts and no one can tell you that your wrong because if you believe in it, it is right for you. And everyone else can f-off period.

It might sound like some pompus bull, but that's how I did it. I am overweight, and I have some social problems, I don't work so verry well with most people. What I did was to see the whole picture. Yes I am overweight, but I am also verry strong, I might not look like a porn star on the beach but I would lay down anyone of those lame pornstars if it comes down to it. And my social skills lacking, well that is a work in progress, I might not yet feel all that comfterble talking but I manage, I will get better by practice and I will never stop trying, Nether should you.

And believe me, Sueside is not the easy way out, you don't go to heaven or hell, you disappear for all ethernity, no one to care no one to be with, you wount feel, smell, see or hear anything anymore. So all you have is what you make of yourself here on earth.

Quite frankly, get yourself together, that was meant in a posetive way :)

Good luck to you.

[N0help4u]

You enjoy studying people and what makes them tick. Maybe it would help you to read up on psychology, self esteem and other life enriching things. Learning that you might also find you would like a career helping others as well as maybe learning more about why you feel the way you do. There is so much you could study like Intelligence, emotions, self esteem, self-empowerment, personal growth, spirituality, relationship counseling, culture and a lot more. Try buying a psychology 101 book or Psychology Today magazines and some interesting personal growth type books.
Also you could try getting involved with helping others less fortunate than we are. You might want to consider visiting a veteran's hospital or nursing home once a month or more. Sometimes you get attached to some one and they share their life experiences and you end up with insights you never thought of from their years of wisdom.
Also helping cook for a homeless shelter on holidays is good too.

I think your main problem could be that you want a lot out of life and don't want to accept the status quo rut that most people accept as 'normal'... so don't... do something about it.

[charlottethedinosaur]

Thanks, you guys are giving me a lot of good advice.
I currently do a lot of animal rights and environmental work, which tends to make me feel better, but what you're saying about how I feel weak for not doing the things I'd like to do, and I think that applies to me really well.
I'll work on that.
:]]

[Spartan112]

Good to know you have been reading :)

I started small you know, I wanted to be able to let people know what I feel, not just be pushed around anymore. So I started to working on my weak sides by letting people know that I don't want to this and that, example:

We where 4guys going to a pre-party to get drunk, then moving on to a larger party to have more fun there. Well in to the pre-party my friends as usually started nagging at me to get a ride from my mom, she's always helpful and I usually say "okey i'll call her" But I don't like it that my mom is always going to be the one driving us on a late Friday, so I explained. I said that she is always driving and that I think it is wrong for only her to drive us, we are 4 guys, some off their other friends or family will have to put out this time.

Then the whine comes about how she always does it and it has not been a problem, then I clearly stated that it felt wrong and I was not going to call her. They finally got working on the problem and we ended up riding with another parent. That made me feel really good, I would never have done that before.

After that I started explaining more and letting my ideas and thoughts get heard more, nowadays it's almost like I am a full member of the group, instead of just being the guy that comes along.

Hope it helps :)

Regards

[dellgirl32]

But I don't want to take a drug I'm tried of trying my own younger sister doesn't even repsect me anymore I don't want her to think of me as some dope they might tell me they love me but no one in my family likes me its like they just put up with me now I rather die then take any drugs I can't bare to think about what they think about me it just about kills me every time I think about it I might as well leave them alone