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CaliCool · Jan 5, 2008, 09:40 AM

I met my girlfriend on a dating site online 3 month ago. I was skeptical first but we had so much in common. We were emailing many times a day and talking on the phone for many hours everyday; sometimes as long as 6 hours. Three weeks later I traveled to where she was and we had the most amazing week. I usually take things slow but it just felt so right, so I told her I loved her and she said she loved me! Everything was wonderful and good. We started talking about her moving to where I live and our future and all that.
Recently I had some family issues (parent sickness) I had to take care off. She seemed supportive at the beginning but I noticed our communication frequency started decreasing. I thought she was just mad because we had to postpone her trip to visit me. Last week she started acting strange and avoiding me. I wrote her a long email and she said she is overwhelmed with all these big decisions she would have to make; moving, switching schools and such. We talked about it in length and she said she felt better and she's fine now.
Yesterday she broke it off. She said she loved me but she needs time to figure things out on her own.
I know I shouldn't have contacted her after that but I texted her a couple of times and she said she loves me and misses me but just needs time. I am really hurt. I want to believe her and want her back but my better judgement tells me it's over. I think she's still pursuing other guys on the dating site. But why does she keep telling me she loves me, talks about our future, children, all that? She's a sweet sincere person and I wouldn't think she's just stringing me along for her own amusement! I am just confused now. What should I do?

talaniman · Jan 5, 2008, 10:29 AM

She asked for time, give it to her. When she figures it out she will let you know, so carry on with your life, and leave her alone to deal with herself, or whatever.

nkychic · Jan 5, 2008, 10:41 AM

talaniman is right. She's told you what she needs, now you need to respect her wishes. She knows how you feel and now you know how she feels. Don't text her or call her. If she wants contact made, let her do it. Without sounding rude, have you ever heard the statement "How can I miss you if you won't go away?" It's going to take her having this time by herself to determine whether it's you she wants in her life. She needs a taste of life without you before she knows whether she can bare that. Give that too her. Step back and use this time to figure things out for yourself too. Good luck!

<3 Leslie

CaliCool · Jan 5, 2008, 11:02 AM

I agree with you guys but my dilemma is; we are already far away from each other and she still wants time for her self. It's not like I am smothering her or anything. I don't expect anything good to come after this "I need time thing". I just don't seem to comprehend that concept. If I don't love a person anymore I tell them. If I love them, there's nothing to figure out! If she's figuring out if she loves me or not she shouldn't be telling me she loves me!
My brain tells me to just move on and forget about her but my damn heart doesn't want to let me do that. I will keep NC for now and see what happens.
Thanks for the advise and support!

talaniman · Jan 5, 2008, 11:43 AM

Listen to your brain, that heart will get you in trouble.

crushedovernover · Jan 5, 2008, 01:45 PM

Also realise it is probably lust and not love. You can't love some one in 3 months. Im sorry it doesn't happen that way.

crushedovernover · Jan 5, 2008, 01:48 PM

Also your asking her to move to be with you. That's a huge step that you don't realise and if you do, I don't think you understand the gravity of her droping her life for you. Im sorry if it sounds harsh but lets be a bit realistic.. Give her time and Do not pressure her.

CaliCool · Jan 5, 2008, 01:55 PM

Originally Posted by crushedovernover

aslo your asking her to move to be with you. Thats a huge step that you dont realise and if you do, i dont htink you understand the gravity of her droping her life for you. Im sorry if it sounds harsh but lets be a bit realistic.. Give her time and Do not pressure her.

That's a good point. She's the one who suggested moving though. I realize things were going faster than they should. But it was her who was always talking about future plans. That's what confusing me now. Thanks for the input.

s_cianci · Jan 5, 2008, 02:11 PM

She's a sweet sincere person and I wouldn't think she's just stringing me along for her own amusement!

Don't be so sure. Unfortunately I think that's exactly what she's doing. Knowing that you live so far apart she knows it would never work out and I really don't think she's up to putting her whole life behind her and moving to your area. I'm sorry but I think you're beating a dead horse here.

George_1950 · Jan 5, 2008, 03:02 PM

You said: "Yesterday she broke it off. She said she loved me but she needs time to figure things out on her own. I know I shouldn't have contacted her after that but I texted her a couple of times and she said she loves me and misses me but just needs time."

Just curious: Did she break it off by phone? Did she call you after you texted her?

You wrote: "I am just confused now. What should I do?" It looks to me like she was testing you. Perhaps she was giving you the physical attraction test. There isn't much you can do except grant her wish. The alternative is not acceptable in the view of most people; you do not want to start begging and pleading, or harassing.

CaliCool · Jan 5, 2008, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by George_1950

You said: "Yesterday she broke it off. She said she loved me but she needs time to figure things out on her own. I know I shouldn't have contacted her after that but I texted her a couple of times and she said she loves me and misses me but just needs time."

Just curious: Did she break it off by phone? Did she call you after you texted her?

You wrote: "I am just confused now. What should I do?" It looks to me like she was testing you. Perhaps she was giving you the physical attraction test. There isn't much you can do except grant her wish. The alternative is not acceptable in the view of most people; you do not want to start begging and pleading, or harassing.

We live few states away from each other so yes she broke it off by phone. She texted back when I texted her.
I wasn't going to plead. My options were to either move on and close this door or NC and wait and see. Thanks for your input.

crushedovernover · Jan 5, 2008, 09:50 PM

NC is closing the door. Wait and see for what? For you to look helpless and needy. The hell with that start being you brother, start being a man and do your thing. No one is worth more then your own happiness. Waiting will accomplish nothing, The one and ONLY thing NC does is help you with the fact your not together. No tricks on getting your ex back, its all hype. NC is for you to take time to living your own life, let me know how it goes, oh sorry for being so harsh but that's reality take it or leave it. Waiting is not healthy.

EuRa · Jan 5, 2008, 10:37 PM

That's too fast. You moved WAYYYYY too fast. The thought of packing up your life and moving for someone else... after only knowing them for a month? If I was her, I'd have my doubts too, even if she was the one to suggest it. She probably told her friends or family, and they started talking sense into her.

I wouldn't say "it's over", but you need to respect her wishes and leave her alone. Bugging her or writing her, texting, calling, is only going to push her away.

rachel101 · Mar 20, 2008, 06:27 PM

I think one of two things is going on in her mind. It could be that she talked about moving in and all just sort of a fantasy, wouldn't it be fun type of thing, without really considering what that means and it may have snowballed from there. Especially in the passion of the first week meeting after all this buildup etc. She also could have been gaging your reaction. Now the reality of all this becoming real and she's may be wondering how smart it was to jump so fast and she's working it over in her mind and doesn't want your input or influence because she knows conversations with you right now will color her decision. So if she is the girl you think she is, let her mull it over in her own time. Give the respect, no texts, no calls, etc. If she's your girl she will come back to you and maybe say let's take a year to get to know each other etc. or she may say I'm ready to move my life.

OR
She is still fooling around on the dating site and seeing if you are the best she can do or not. Can't you tell on the dating site if she's removed herself or shut herself down from being contacted by other potential guys? If this is the case don't worry about it, she's not good girlfriend material and better you found out now. It's a little heartbreak but you will get over it in time and be grateful it was an inexpensive lesson.

The truth will come out in time and in the meanwhile you must practice patience.

Just my opinion as a woman. I hope it helps.