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alyssarox32 · Jan 3, 2008, 02:41 PM

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we love each other very much but I have this one little problem that keeps me wondering about him. You see, I love kids and plan to have atleat 2 of them, preferably with him and I have told him this. The thing is, he has a child, which is not mine and his response to me was "I already have a child, I dont want another." Just because he has one doesn't make it fair for him to say that. Is that selfish and what should I do?

shygrneyzs · Jan 3, 2008, 02:46 PM

When there is such a fundamental difference as this, then it is very serious to a relationship. If, by chance, you would become pregnant and know what he feels, he would feel threatened or that you became pregnant on purpose to trap him. He would most likely leave and you would be left to care for that child alone.

When there is such a big difference such as this, it is wise to back up, re-evaluate and re-consider the future. He may not be the one for the long term family plan. He is at least honest with you now and telling you this upfront. Respect that and respect his openness. Look for someone who does share your family goals. Or learn to be content without having babies with this guy.

Good luck to you.

Emland · Jan 3, 2008, 02:48 PM

If you can't agree one of the most critical questions in making a family then it is time to find someone that does want to make a family with you.

nkychic · Jan 5, 2008, 11:16 AM

Yep, I think it's time you step back and decide what it is you truly want for your life. Maybe this is not the guy for you long term. Decide what it is that is important to you, if having kids is on that list then you should find someone who wants the same things. You have a big decision to make here girl. Good luck.

<3 Leslie

talaniman · Jan 11, 2008, 09:49 PM

Uh oh, this will never work, if you want kids, you should be with someone who wants the same thing in life. He gave you fair warning, so its your decision. How bad do you want kids, is the question you must answer.

reyes lujan · Jan 21, 2008, 12:29 AM

I say get out why you can!! Find someone who wants the same things you want. His a dead end.

lacuran8626 · Jan 30, 2008, 02:15 PM

What's fair is for him to be honest and for you to decide whether it's a deal-breaker issue. People don't have another child to be fair to their partner - they do it because they are committed to being a parent. Your boyfriend does not want to make that commitment, and you should respect him for being honest, though I understand that it's upsetting to you.

You probably need to break up with him and find someone who shares your goals for the future.