[mscfreak04]

Well, I guess I'll start by saying that I'm a perfectionist. I like to make plans and stick to them, and have everything in order. I don't see it as something bad, but sometimes when things don't go as planned I get really really angry. You see, my boyfriend is almost the exact opposite of me. He doesn't like to make plans, and just likes to let things happen. When we make plans and he breaks them, I get very mad. It sucks because most of the fights we have are over the phone, which kind of makes things worse. He doesn't see not hanging out with me one day as a big deal, which is totally understandable. It's just that for about 10 minutes(or less) after he breaks the plans I am furious. I don't want to get off the phone with him, but because I'm still mad I want to keep bickering, it escalates the problem to something much more than it really is. I know that if I only give myself even two minutes to relax, I would be perfectly fine. The thing is, I never remember that I can calm down, I just think of how much I hate him for blowing me off. This doesn't happen with only him, it happens when anybody changes plans or breaks them. I just want to know if I am totally crazy and overreacting as it seems sometimes, or if there's a better way I can deal. Can anyone relate or help?

[N0help4u]

You have to learn to adjust to each others ways and not take it as something to get furious over. Although it is inconsiderate to call and cancel plans at the last minute.
You on the other hand sound like you do overreact a bit since you get upset with any change.


One thing you can try is to force yourself to do something's that you haven't planned. Like take a day of a week where you don't have any plans and don't make any plans. Wake up that morning and just live minute to minute without thinking about what you are going to do later that day. Like maybe decide to go to the mall and just take a walk around it.

If you learn to live a little without set plans maybe it can help you relating to people that live minute to minute.
Some people do have a really hard time having plans. I know that EVERY time I make plans they end up not happening because something I have to do comes up.
If your boyfriend cancels because of something he can't help and has to do learn to let it go.
If he cancels because he decides he feels like hanging out with the guys I would be mad and tell him about it. With, maybe, the exception of something like he ran into an old buddy he hasn't seen in years.

[cromptondot]

You did not say how old you are. As you get older,you will find that you are wasting energy on things you can do nothing about. I used to be like that.Then I come to realize that I was only hurting myself by blowing up,so I would ask myself,Is this really important? By the time I came up with the answer,my anger was over.

[s_cianci]

I agree that it's a good thing to plan and be organized. However, when your plans involve other people along with you, then you've got to be a little flexible. Does your boyfriend have a habit of cancelling plans with you at the last minute? Or is it just an occasional thing? If it's the latter then I'd say yes, you're overreacting and need to let it go. But if it's the former then I think your boyfriend's undependability is a sign of a more fundamental problem with your relationship and one that I'm not sure is easily solved other than by you simply walking away and being done with it. I'd say the same holds true when it comes to more casual acquaintances. If it happens only occasionally, try to be more understanding and give it the benefit of the doubt. But when it gets to be a habit, then you need to find new friends. Either way, getting angry and flipping out won't accomplish a thing.