[ihatewestseneca]

Hello everyone...
Ive been reading the forums for awhile and they've made me feel better about my situation...

But... My girlfriend and I were going out for about 2 years, everything was great, but then she decided to go away to college, she chose the same college I was going to go to when I was done with a cheap 2 year college.

Now, we were going to be apart for a semester so I figured that everything would be fine as we really loved each other, or so I thought. She recently came back and told me that she wanted to take a break for awhile...

Now, we talked on the phone almost everyday while she was gone and yes we drifted apart some but I thought that when she came back I could show her that my feelings about her haven't changed. We hung out a few times and I respected her wishes not to talk about a relationship with her. One time we just went to dinner and talked, laughed, we had a great time. Second time we just went to the mall, walked around, talked, she held my hand and kept hugging me, we went and saw a movie, it was scary so she was cuddling with me, it made me feel like we were going to get back together. But I'm so confused. She says she wants a break, but she still wants to do couple-y things with me!

Recently I confronted her telling her that I at least deserve the truth. So she says that she met someone at school and is unsure if she ever loved me at all. So naturally I became angry and told her that basically she was just stringing me along. I told her that that was the last thing I wanted (for her to string me along). She was still telling me that she loves me and cares about me and wants me to be happy but she just wants to see if she can feel the same way with someone else. So I realize that she's breaking up with me for another guy... Im feeling betrayed and unwanted... and I think she just a selfish . So why do I still love her? Its been a little while and I've helped myself realize that I don't want to cry about her every day, and I don't want to sit around waiting for her either.

So she tells me that this break is just for the next semester, then after that in the summer, we'll talk about a relationship, for some reason I feel confident that she'll come back to me but I just would like to be sure, but that's impossible...

For some reason I still love her though, she wants to try her luck with some other guy and I still love her... is wrong with me!

Anyway... I guess my question is what should I do... I really do love her and I want to wait but at the same time I feel like I should be just be like, "screw her".

[Wondergirl]

Uh oh.

Read the ISneezeFunny threads.

[aiyerrc]

See you and move on... shes trying to let you down easy because she does care about you, the relationship is over though from the looks of your story... college is college, relationships before freshman year rarely last, no matter how long they lasted or how much you liked each other.

[talaniman]

Time to cut her out of your life, bigtime. She wants a break, give it to her, but don't put your life on hold for anyone. Expecting you to wait for next summer?? That ain't love, caring, or respect. Yes cut all contact, and get a better life. That was pretty insulting in my opinion.

[lavenderly]

I would tell you not to let her go! I am this gal in my current 3-year relationship. During a holiday overseas, I met a guy and we had great fun. After returning from the trip, we still kept in touch.

Now I am confused whether I can feel the same love and care I feel for my boyfriend with another guy. I know my boyfriend will feel I'm stringing him along. But that is not my intention at all! Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend, that is why I am afraid to lose out all the fun that singles have if I settle for this perfect man.

So, consider my advice. Give your girlfriend some time. If u still love her, any sort of break will make your love for her grow stronger. If your 2 years with her were spent wisely, then it is likely that she will find no match during this break.

However, do keep in touch with her. But do not be clingy. Just let her know that you still care and remind her of the good times you two had (in case she wants to compare you with any new guy). After a while, her attraction for this new guy will fade because in any relationship, the initial spark is most tempting. Soon, she will know that any sort of relationship requires work and she would rather be with the man she knew so well at the first place.

[s_cianci]

Give her the break she wants and take advantage of it for yourself as well. Give yourself the freedom to date and meet other people, just like she's doing. Above all, don't contact her at all and don't bug her about getting back together. Don't be there for her if you want to have any hope of her missing you. And don't let yourself become "Plan B" if things don't work out between her and this other guy.

[talaniman]

Lavenderly, I so disagree, and here is why,

Quote=lavenderly, I would tell you not to let her go! I am this gal in my current 3-year relationship. During a holiday overseas, I met a guy and we had great fun. After returning from the trip, we still kept in touch.
Hey that great, you had fun and made a friend.
Now I am confused whether I can feel the same love and care I feel for my boyfriend with another guy.
Thats normal to a very young person, us older people know we can be attracted to many people other than our spouse, or g/f.
I know my boyfriend will feel I'm stringing him along.
You are.
But that is not my intention at all!
Of course not but still you are.
Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend,
But you leave the door open to someone you are more attracted too, while he waits????
That is why I am afraid to lose out all the fun that singles have if I settle for this perfect man.
You mean being with other guys, Thats the only basic difference, between you and a married female.
So, consider my advice.
And the age level.
Give your girlfriend some time. If u still love her, any sort of break will make your love for her grow stronger. If your 2 years with her were spent wisely, then it is likely that she will find no match during this break.
And what do you suggest he should be doing, while she is exploring her life??????
However, do keep in touch with her. But do not be clingy. Just let her know that you still care and remind her of the good times you two had (in case she wants to compare you with any new guy).
Now your talking plain crazy, she can have someone else and he still should be competing???? Your talking about a zip darn fool, not a real man, learn the difference.
After a while, her attraction for this new guy will fade
And if it doesn't so what your happy, is he????
Because in any relationship, the initial spark is most tempting. Soon, she will know that any sort of relationship requires work and she would rather be with the man she knew so well at the first place.
What does she do when he gets tired of that crap, and decides to move on and gets a good female, who is mature enough to know what she wants, and treat him like gold???????
Ain't that much love in the world to make a mature man, wait for some confused female to get her rocks off, and maybe come back. That ain't healthy at all.:rolleyes:

[ihatewestseneca]

I know I've been very kind and patient and understanding and everything with her. She always insists that I've done nothing wrong and she even cries so much when I tease her about it or ask her what I did wrong.

I really don't want to let her go but today I did give her a taste of some tough love, she says that she doesn't know what's going to happen and she still wants to be best friends (cus we really are) but that is just too hard for me to live with. And she told me that she was kind of leading me on, but all the things she tells me are true. (like that she loves me and really does want to get back together)

Anyway, I told her today that I've had a lot of fun and everything and that I know I've treated her right, and I told her that if she wants to be impractical she can go right ahead because as far as I'm concerned, its her loss. I wasn't too mean but I was rather blunt and kind of cold with her, we hung out a little bit before I told her all this and I acted as if nothing was wrong to try and show her that I can live without her, I would just rather not.

I made attempts for about 2 weeks to try and change her mind, but I've accepted the fact that I need to move on.

Anyway, my question to you is... Do you think by doing this I may have turned her away, I know she knows I love her, but I don't want to be strung along. This whole other guy thing really freaked me out. I really just want to make her miss me and remember that she already has a great guy. (sorry to toot my own horn, but... "toot")

I would really appreciate your thoughts and opinions.

Thanks again

[George_1950]

"she still wants to be best friends (cus we really are) but that is just too hard for me to live with. and she told me that she was kind of leading me on"

As Don Meredith used to say, "turn out the lights, the party's over".

She doesn't care whether you love her or not; she has "another guy".

[talaniman]

Disappear from her life and focus on your own, love yourself enough to move on and be happy, without her. Her feeling, wants and needs, or reactions to anything, don't matter at this point, but your do so, that's the priority. You tried, it didn't work.

[ihatewestseneca]

I just want to know if I did the right thing by telling her basically. "If you wanna break, you got it"

[talaniman]

I just want to know if i did the right thing by telling her basically. "If you wanna break, you got it"

Absolutely, now back up the talk.

[lavenderly]

Talaniman,

Thanks for pointing out what you disagree. U've been a great help to many out there. In most cases, I agree with u. But in this matter, if you are a female, you will understand the situation better.

I am in no way inferring that the man should waste his days away by waiting for a gal to make up her mind. In fact, he should redirect his focus on other things besides the gal.

P.S. Although age does matter when it comes to life experiences, it does not take someone who is older to make the right advice. It takes someone who has been there and done that, to realise how cliché the circumstances can be.:)

[talaniman]

Sorry I had to use your post as an example, as your attitude and thinking was what my advice has always been based on. I understand your points because I have been there and done that, more than a few time I might add, so I know the attitude very well, that's why I used this chance to explain it as you have shown it. It's the same with young guys also, so don't try that if I were a woman stuff, that's insulting.

Frankly, it is because I am considering a permanent relationship with my boyfriend,

This is what your mind is telling you to justify stringing a fellow along (men do it also) What you fail to be honest about is your lack of commintment and sacrifice necessary for a long term relationship, and the gaul, fueled by confusion, to actually expect a partner not to be hurt, to understand your wanderlust, to accept and be friends, to be willing to be your back up plan, just in case, and be happy and satisfied with what your doing. That is exactly why, I strongly recommend NO Contact with you, and your male counterpart, so his/her hurt and bruised feeling can heal, and they can move on, and be happy. When he does then, get healthy he can see there was no love but his, and he can finally see you for what you are. A confused, immature person, not ready for his attentions. But in healing he learns something else too, not to hate you for breaking his heart.

[ordinaryguy]

I made attempts for about 2 weeks to try and change her mind, but ive accepted the fact that i need to move on.

Good man. It takes some people years to accept it, and some never do.

Anyway, my question to you is... Do you think by doing this i may have turned her away

No. SHE made the decision to turn away some time ago. DO NOT listen to the voices in your head saying that it's something YOU did (unless it actually WAS something you did, in which case you haven't told the whole story).

[ihatewestseneca]

No, I'm pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong, I think the worst thing I ever did was call her drunk, like once... but this is when we were still dating. I've accepted that its her loss, because I'm a great guy, and if she can't realize that, then forget her.

[ihatewestseneca]

Should I text her Merry Christmas tomorrow?

[ordinaryguy]

Should i text her Merry Christmas tomorrow?

You're kidding, I hope.

[ihatewestseneca]

Oh man, today was so much better than the last few days... it's a nice pick-me-up when your ex's girlfriends start texting you and sending you emails wanting to see if I want to talk. I'm def. not going to pursue those two but its nice to know that you're someone wants you at least a little. My ex even called me today but I was with my friends, I don't think I would've picked up anyway... maybe next time.

[ISneezeFunny]

There you go west.

It's been 2 weeks since me and the ex broke up, and actually, it seems like it's been... helluva lot longer. Regardless, she's with the new guy. You're a nice guy... I actually didn't even try to get her back. I saw that she was with the new guy 3 days after we broke up... so I asked her what was going on... she said NOTHING... I found out he's been hanging out more than "nothing"... so I just... left.

No shame in leaving. Just do your own thing. Don't text her jack for christmas or new year's. She prolli won't do the same for you anyway.

Once you've stopped crying, showered, shaved, and dressed a bit better... and hit the gym for a few weeks, you'll have women clinging for dear life.. . read my threads. Trust me.

@lavenderly:

You got to be kidding me. EVERY girl that breaks up with the guy "gently" wants to "talk about the relationship" in a month or two.. . not. Worth. It.

If you've been dating for 2 - 3 years... have dropped the L-word... and then after that, you're "unsure" about the relationship, when're you ever going to be sure?. you need skywriting? Women. Psh.