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Razen · Dec 3, 2007, 07:57 PM

Hi I need an opinion

My husband and I have a child one year old and we both got a scholarship to do our masters .

My husband is a about to finish his master next semester and I must start next semester .

I am thinking to send my son to live with my mother for 4 month .

My mother live in Europe and I live in Texas .

I am afraid that my son will be affected or he is going to hate me what do you think ?

Thank you

ChihuahuaMomma · Dec 3, 2007, 08:01 PM

This is an important time in your child's life. He needs his mother. When you have a child, you must make sacrifices. If that means sacrificing, then that's what it means.

Don't send your child off, just because you can't handle him and school. There is also daycare.

J_9 · Dec 3, 2007, 08:40 PM

I know this sounds harsh, but this is something you should have considered BEFORE you had a baby. Now you have a baby and he is your responsibility to raise. Not your mothers, she has raised her children, it is time for her to sit back and relax.

You might want to read about the Anna Mae He battle. Her parents wanted to go back to school so they gave her up. Now will they ever get her back?

Anna Mae He affair - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Fr_Chuck · Dec 3, 2007, 08:41 PM

I believe that people should not be having children unless they are willing to be parents, so you put off your education and perhaps part time

ChihuahuaMomma · Dec 3, 2007, 08:51 PM

I agree with both J_9 and Fr_Chuck...

NUMBER ONE: YOUR child.

Everything comes second... period.

kp2171 · Dec 3, 2007, 09:16 PM

What kind of masters program can you finish in 4 months?

You have a child. This time in the child's life is important bonding time. Can he be away from you? Yes. Will he be scarred? Children struggle through much, much worse in this world. Being with a loving family member isn't the worst that could happen.

So more about the program? What degree? Can you do it part time? Explain. Understand this... the older your child is the easier it gets. I'm not saying it isn't work with a three year old, but two is easier than one, and three is easier than two... the more independent they get and the greater the ability to communicate, the easier it is.

My gut instinct was to say don't do it. That said, I think your education ties directly into your familys stability and your happiness.

So maybe a little more info on what you want to do and the opportunity you have could help.

Razen · Dec 4, 2007, 08:34 PM

Hi guys

Thank you all for responding to my question . I want to explain about my program .

I had a scholarship after I get pragnant , so there was nothing to do about it .

Socendly, my master degree is in information engenering management .

I and my husband got the scholarship before one year . My husband start it and I scrified for one year and a half .

Now I am about to lose it . My husband will graduate the next semester and I should start the next semester.

My plan is to put my son in my mother and sester custedy for 4 month until my husband finished . So , we can bring him back .

My son as I mentioned before is now one year old .

So I want to know is that going to affect him

The daycare is too expensive for me and he will never find the care and love that my mother is going to give it to him

ChihuahuaMomma · Dec 4, 2007, 08:43 PM

Like previously stated, being a mother is about making sacrifices for your child's life to be better, if you think being away from his mother is going to achieve that, the go ahead with it.

A lot of colleges have daycares that aren't too expensive or even free. Have you checked into that?

How about a live-in nanny? Childcare in exchange for rent... there are other ways than sending your child out of the country.

Razen · Dec 4, 2007, 08:50 PM

Please I need to know what does ( live -in nanny ) mean ? And if you can suggest me solutions to keep my child with me

Thank you

Good plus you

Rinacakes1991 · Dec 4, 2007, 08:50 PM

Of cource he'll hate you. I hate you for even considering it. Why so extreme? Just put him in a daycare or like the other gir said a live in nanny

ChihuahuaMomma · Dec 4, 2007, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by Razen

please I need to know what does ( live -in nanny ) mean ? and if you can suggest me solutions to keep my child with me

Thank you

good plus you

A nanny that lives with you, it's kind of self-explanatory.

Razen · Dec 4, 2007, 09:30 PM

Thank you all

God pluss you

kp2171 · Dec 4, 2007, 09:42 PM

OK.

I'm the father of a four year old. I quit my job to stay with him at home with him when my wife's job started making her travel (national and international) and taking a lot more of her time. She said she couldn't do the work if I wasn't home with him, and its been a fun little ride, if not maddening at times. I've always worked my tail off so chasing a little one around with no adults was a big change.

We've altered our lives, including our income, for the best option we thought we could provide our little one.

That said, I think things are getting a little too heavy here. Yes, bonding time is important at this tender age... but I do NOT think the child will hate his mother for this!!

Children at this age do not have a clear concept of time. They cannot remember where they put their favorite toy two hours later. Yes... they know when a loved one is present, especially the most important mother. But c'mon... this woman isn't abandoning her child to a stranger.

As long as the grandmother and the aunt are a loving, caring family that can help care for the child so lets not just act like she threw the baby to the dogs.

I have a friend who is a doctor. His regretted not pushing though his degree and training earlier in his children's life because when they were older he was distracted... felt like he was doing everything half well...

While I do wish there was some compromise that kept the child with at least one parent, or some way for the mother to be able to extend the schooling to part time perhaps, she didn't give the baby up for adoption. She didn't have an abortion so she could focus on herself alone. She's a mother trying to position herself better financially both for her own interests and the interests of her child long term.

I don't think what you are talking about is completely unreasonable. You are potentially going to miss some big milestones. My child started walking during this time, and started talking a little too. The separation from your child will be hard on you too... which is of course why you turned to a board for discussion... if you didn't give a damn you wouldn't have written in here.

How about this... I was in the hospital for nearly 3+ months when I was a baby. Fought through a sickness. During that time there were spells when I couldn't be with my parents in a "normal" setting. Now I am not denying that its best for the child to be with the parents as much as possible during bonding stages, but lets be realistic. I don't hate my parents for not being as close to me during this time.

My wife has had to leave my son for as long as almost 3 weeks on extended leaves. What about a soldier who needs to leave his family for a tour of 2 years or more? Does that child automatically hate his parent??

If there is no other option (and a nanny is a nice idea, but costly unless you live in an area where there is cheaper labor available) the child with your mother and aunt places the baby in the loving folds of the family. It isn't the same as with you, but its an option.

angel0772001 · Dec 4, 2007, 09:48 PM

There are always state assisted programs. That's what I'm in I only pay $57.00 a month in day care fees. There are always alternate routes. You just have to do research. Don't give up those 4 beautiful months with your baby that you later down the road will regret.

ChihuahuaMomma · Dec 4, 2007, 09:56 PM

Originally Posted by angel0772001

there are always state assisted programs. thats what im in i only pay $57.00 a month in day care fees. there are always alternate routes. You just have to do research. Dont give up those 4 beautiful months with your baby that you later down the road will regret.

Iagree

kp2171 · Dec 4, 2007, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by Rinacakes1991

Rinacakes1991 disagrees: hate may be a strong word. But there will always be that tension between the child and parent. How would u feel if you were sent somewere so you're parents could live the high life. If you can afford college you can afford a nanny.

Didn't you even read the post? The SCHOLARSHIP and its expiring is the reason she's struggling with this... her financial backing for schooling is about to expire.

And hate was YOUR word. Twice. Don't use it and then back down. This is a mother who is trying to figure out how to make everything mesh.

If you think working your a$$ through a masters program is the "high life" you ARE as clueless as you sound.

450donn · Dec 5, 2007, 08:35 AM

Sorry, This has to be one of the dumbest thoughts I have read in a long time. You conceived and brought into this world a child. That child is YOUR responsibility, not your mothers, not anyone else's, it is yours. If you have to forgo your masters program for a few years, that is life. My daughter has two children under 7. She was a stay at home mom for them until they were potty trained. Then with her husbands blessing and support she went back to school at night to finish her education. There are alternatives to farming your child off on someone so you can go to school.

Jodie88 · Dec 5, 2007, 08:45 AM

This is an easy one to examine. Selfish Parents... plain and simple. Just the mere fact that you could bring yourself to leave your one year old child says allot about the person you and your husband are and the parents you and will continue to become. I understand that these scholarships are very very important but more important then your child? I understand it's only for mere amount of time but that's not the point, there is a greater underlying selfishness from both of you. You both need to sit down and work out who's going to sacrifice raising this child while the other pursues school. Compromise is a great and powerful word...

margarita_momma · Dec 5, 2007, 10:52 AM

I agree with KP on this one. I can understand where the mother is coming from. The child is only one for goodness sake. Its not like he is going to grow up a completely disturbed child because his mother needed to finish her degree for 4 months. I believe the mother knows how this will effect her and she knows she will miss a lot of her child's first steps, words, etc. But I also believe she knows that by finishing her masters, she will be in a much better place financially and mentally to provide for her child. A lot of you people on here have never been in this type of situation so you have no right to judge her as a selfish or bad mother. Go with what you think is right hon. Good luck!

Rinacakes1991 · Dec 5, 2007, 10:53 AM

Yes I overread The scholorship part. But overall I must say this whole scenario should have been solved with the daycare/live in nanny suggestion ,made a long time ago. I agree with all who said it's the parents child, which means he/she can do whatever he/she wants.

And for those who like to use profanty in their answers.. get original... a true speaker does not need to use fowl language to get a point across. :$