[DJ 'H']

I have been close friends with a girl 'C' for a good 10yrs. Her boyfriend 'R' I have known for a good 5yrs but we only became good friends earlier this year when his marriage broke up and he started seeing one om other friends 'E'. 'R' & 'E' did not work out and they decided to split. 'R' text me saying "I know 'E' and 'I' are not together anymore but I hope we can still be friends and hang out because I think you are a lovely person"

'C' and 'R' used to go out years ago and are now back together happier than ever - there have even been talks about them getting married.

The problem is I don't really see either one of them. I try all the time to invite them out etc. 'C' is all for it, but 'R' is not at all.

I invited them both out over the weekend with Pete and myself. 'C' said no because they wanted to save money but said about going out after christmas. We left the conversation at that.

'R' then text me saying "not being funny but I don't want to go out tonight or after christmas"

I was a little confused and worried by this so tried to phone 'R' he rejected my calls. I then tried to phone 'C' - she rejected my calls. I was then left even more worried.

I text 'R' asking him what he meant by that his response was "I just don't fancy it and I need to save money - I am rejecting your callsbecause the footy is on"

'C' would not reply at all after that.

Should I be worried? 'R' is acting rather strange - More importantly 'C' being really out of character.

[nymphetamine]

Well that does not make any kind of sense. You go tell them- no! Demand to know what in the heck is going on. I can't stand when people get mad at you for no darn reason and then instead of talking to you about it they don't talk at all or avoid you. Seriously. Tell them that **** is not going to fly.

[fredg]

Hi,
It is very possible that your friend R now doesn't want to be around you, possibly afraid he might have some affection for you. Your girlfriend C might be trying to protect and keep, her boyfriend R now!
Friendship has funny ways of changing, especially when they involve people that all parties know.
Give it some time, and don't rush into anything with these people. Your long-time girlfriend might eventually tell you what it's all about.
Meantime, leave them alone. They have given you some "signals", and I would let it go at that. Don't pressure either of them for answers now, as you may lose them completely as friends. People are funny, and sometimes need time to think about situations and what they really want.
Good luck.

[DJ 'H']

Well I know it isn't 'C' - it's 'R' who has the problem (whatever it may be) - 'C' just does what he tells her.

[nymphetamine]

Maybe you should do one back around on them and not talk to them either. When you see them just turn your eyes to avoid looking at their face then they will beg your forgiveness and tell you what's going on. Well it wrks for me. :D

[DJ 'H']

See I just can't do that. Even when my friends are like this I hate cutting them out. I would probably say hi if I saw them - just not forthcoming in conversation, unless they made the move to stop me and have a conversation!

[nymphetamine]

Well darn. You talk to them though. They got to explain what's going on. That's not fair that they don't. I hope you get that straightened out.

[DJ 'H']

I have been thinking about things and think Fredg may be right. It may very well be that 'R' has feelings for me which is why he is choosing to keep his distance.

I am not going to go out of my way to contact them. I will leave them be.I I will just carry on being happy with Pete, DJing, Wedding Co-ordinating and doing all the good things in my life and seeing my other good friends until they do.

[s_cianci]

It may be true that money is kind of tight for R and C right now, with Christmas approaching and everything. Also, it could be that R and C are starting to get serious and want to spend some more time alone with each other as opposed to doing foursomes. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point. Respect their space and their need to be alone with each other. It won't last forever and eventually they'll be wanting to spend time with you and Pete and other friends again.

[DJ 'H']

So 'R' text me a couple of days ago apologising for everything, he said he has had a lot on his mind, he then proceeded to ask me how I was etc.

I told him about my parents splitting, he did not respond. After a while he did respond but he was going off on one about 'C's' ex. Her ex sent her a card & Rose. 'R' was going mental about it.

I said "what is the problem? 'P' (C's Ex) cannot let go and is trying his luck. 'C' loves you and has chosen to be with you so stop worrying about it. Back off and let 'C' deal with it becuase you will only make things worse -trust her".

He did listen to me as I have since heard from 'C'. Things have gone quiet again and I am not sure what to do now?

I have now heard nothing from 'R' since and I am still confused. Do you think he is trying to tell me something?

[DJ 'H']

Anyone there? I am just a little confused!

[mikestorm]

So 'R' text me a couple of days ago apologising for everything, he said he has had a lot on his mind, he then proceeded to ask me how I was etc.

I told him about my parents splitting, he did not respond. After a while he did respond but he was going off on one about 'C's' ex. Her ex sent her a card & Rose. 'R' was going mental about it.

I said "what is the problem? 'P' (C's Ex) cannot let go and is trying his luck. 'C' loves you and has chosen to be with you so stop worrying about it. Back off and let 'C' deal with it becuase you will only make things worse -trust her".

He did listen to me as I have since heard from 'C'. Things have gone quiet again and I am not sure what to do now?

I have now heard nothing from 'R' since and I am still confused. Do you think he is trying to tell me something?

The letters are confusing me, so I'm substituting names. Long story short, I too think Reginald has feelings for you. The following is a piece of fiction that combines the facts of what you've revealed with my theory.

Reginald is in a bind. He's seeing Colleen, but may have feelings for Holly. To make matters worse, Holly and Colleen are friends. How can he telegraph to Holly that he likes her, but at the same time not tip off Colleen of his intent?

He can't converse with Holly around Colleen for two reasons:

1) If he's too nonchalant around Holly (acting like he's not interested) he'll end up sending Holly the wrong message.

2) If he's too overt with Holly, Colleen may get suspicious.

If Colleen and Holly didn't know each other, it would be easier for Reginald, because Reginald could interact with Holly exclusively 100% of the time. However, since Holly, Reginald and Colleen are all friends, Holly might inadvertently let Colleen know that Holly and Reginald have been communicating, which would be news to Colleen. Even if that communication were harmless, the fact that Colleen heard it from Holly and not Reginald might cause Colleen to raise an eyebrow.

Faced with this dilemma, Reginald has opted for infrequent but strategically placed communication. He figures Holly being confused is better than Holly getting mixed signals regarding Reginald's feelings or Colleen thinking something is up. It's the least of all evils.

Reginald finally makes his move by conveying his apology and attempting to assuage Holly's confusion. Reginald then decides to "test the waters" with Holly by telling her about a potential problem in his relationship with Colleen.

Before he can subtly move the conversation to discussing his problem, Holly mentions that her parents have split. This concerns Reginald, since this line of conversation could potentially derail his little test, so he decides simply to not acknowledge this particular bombshell and forges ahead with his own dilemma. At this point Reginald is only thinking of Reginald, and so he hopes that Holly doesn't notice, not realizing that objectively, his lack of a response given Holly's news is pretty darn conspicuous. Oblivious to this, he reasons that once he sets the stage for Holly regarding his own relationship problems, if Holly turns sympathetic and announces that Reginald is being wronged, Reginald can capitalize on that and go from there.

However, Holly instead responds with "What's the problem? Colleen loves you and has chosen to be with you so stop worrying about it. Back off and let Colleen deal with it becuase you will only make things worse -trust her".

This was not the response Reginald was looking for. Reginald panics, since his little test has inadvertently led Holly to believe that things between he and Colleen are not entirely copacetic. He's afraid that if it gets back to Colleen that Reginald sought relationship advice, Colleen might question the overall stability of the relationship, since she was completley unaware that the state of her relationship with Reginald even warranted relationship advice. At the very worst, Holly might say to Colleen in passing "Hey, I heard that Paco sent you a card and rose. Have you and Reginald reconciled that?" which might prompt Colleen to say, "How did you hear about that?"

The best thing now, Reginald reasons, is to revert back to avoiding any contact with Holly, lest the boat get rocked any more that it has.

[bizygurl]

It seems that these two friends are using you as a sounding board for there problems. There having money problems,so they complain to you, or ones having problems with the others ex and they vent it to you. It may very well be that they are both going through some stressful situations with each other that haven't anything to do with you and sometimes people get so wrapped up in with there own problems that they don't keep in contact as much as they should. Or when they complain about it to you when you do hear from them. But they do need to remember that you are a good friend to them and that whatever problems they may be going through you shouldn't be forgotten. They should at least call you ounce in awhile. I think that if you aren't getting your calls returned than I would hold back on making the calls to them all the time. I know that may be hard for you. But this shouldn't be a onesided friendship. That isn't fair. -good luck

[DJ 'H']

The letters are confusing me, so I'm substituting names. Long story short, I too think Reginald has feelings for you. The following is a piece of fiction that combines the facts of what you've revealed with my theory.

Reginald is in a bind. He's seeing Colleen, but may have feelings for Holly. To make matters worse, Holly and Colleen are friends. How can he telegraph to Holly that he likes her, but at the same time not tip off Colleen of his intent?

He can't converse with Holly around Colleen for two reasons:

1) If he's too nonchalant around Holly (acting like he's not interested) he'll end up sending Holly the wrong message.

2) If he's too overt with Holly, Colleen may get suspicious.

If Colleen and Holly didn't know eachother, it would be easier for Reginald, because Reginald could interact with Holly exclusively 100% of the time. However, since Holly, Reginald and Colleen are all friends, Holly might inadvertantly let Colleen know that Holly and Reginald have been communicating, which would be news to Colleen. Even if that communication were harmless, the fact that Colleen heard it from Holly and not Reginald might cause Colleen to raise an eyebrow.

Faced with this dilemma, Reginald has opted for infrequent but strategically placed communication. He figures Holly being confused is better than Holly getting mixed signals regarding Reginald's feelings or Colleen thinking something is up. It's the least of all evils.

Reginald finally makes his move by conveying his apology and attempting to assuage Holly's confusion. Reginald then decides to "test the waters" with Holly by telling her about a potential problem in his relationship with Colleen.

Before he can subtly move the conversation to discussing his problem, Holly mentions that her parents have split. This concerns Reginald, since this line of conversation could potentially derail his little test, so he decides simply to not acknowledge this particular bombshell and forges ahead with his own dilemma. At this point Reginald is only thinking of Reginald, and so he hopes that Holly doesn't notice, not realizing that objectively, his lack of a response given Holly's news is pretty darn conspicuous. Oblivious to this, he reasons that once he sets the stage for Holly regarding his own relationship problems, if Holly turns sympathetic and announces that Reginald is being wronged, Reginald can capitalize on that and go from there.

However, Holly instead responds with "What's the problem? Colleen loves you and has chosen to be with you so stop worrying about it. Back off and let Colleen deal with it becuase you will only make things worse -trust her".

This was not the response Reginald was looking for. Reginald panics, since his little test has inadvertantly led Holly to believe that things betwen he and Colleen are not entirely copacetic. He's afraid that if it gets back to Colleen that Reginald saught relationship advice, Colleen might question the overall stability of the relationship, since she was completley unaware that the state of her relationship with Reginald even warranted relationship advice. At the very worst, Holly might say to Colleen in passing "Hey, I heard that Paco sent you a card and rose. Have you and Reginald reconciled that?" which might prompt Colleen to say, "How did you hear about that?"

The best thing now, Reginald reasons, is to revert back to avoiding any contact with Holly, lest the boat get rocked any more that it has.

You may very well be correct. They still have not been in touch and my friend 'A' invited me out at the weekend. I could not make it but was told that 'C' was going out with them. She always turns down my invites - which may mean 'R' has had some influence there to suggest he does not want her going on nights out with me.

Which is crap for me, but something I will have to adjust to.