[whoknowswhattodo]

I've raised the kids since they were ages 2, 12, 16, & 17. The oldest two have been in & out of lovin' me. I've been available and tried to love them as a birth mom would. Their mom had just died of breast cancer & my hubby had died the same week, but I had no kids at the time. I have loved being their mom, but only the younger two have warmed completely up to me. It's been 8 yrs of tough times, but I sure do love their dad. I love them, too, but since the 17 yr old is now 25 & married, daughter in law enters the scene.

She is at odds with me and has been since March. I offered a "way out" to my step daughter (24) during a difficult time in her marriage & daughter in law got involved & took offense. She has expressed openly what a bad job she thinks I've done with the kids. She is quite opinionated.

Hubby has tried to keep in touch & keep the relationships going, but recently when we asked to visit daughter in law & son, my husband was told, sure, but "she's" not welcome. Dagger in the heart. What to do?

Son that calls me and thinks of me as mom wants to intervene (God bless him), but husband is quiet type, very non-confrontational. I don't expect my husband to stick his neck out for my sake as his might get chopped off. I want him to be able to keep on good terms.
Any ideas on what to do? I've already tried writing apology letters & swallowed my pride.