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penelope pitstop · Nov 13, 2007, 11:15 AM

Just got my decree absolute today and it really hurts to no my marriage has gone forever.we spoke on the phone wishing each other happiness for the future but since I've come off the phone I can't stop crying.why can't I let him go in my head??

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 11:27 AM

Originally Posted by penelope pitstop

just got my decree absolute today and it really hurts to no my marriage has gone forever.we spoke on the phone wishing each other happiness for the future but since i,ve come off the phone i can,t stop crying.why can,t i let him go in my head???

I know how you must feel, I am divorced I have two children.. I cried a lot until one day I realized. I can't cry anymore. I was just letting time pass me by. As the days come it will be painful but time will start to heal you. I don't know if you have children but I do and they are what made me get through it I looked at them everyday and realize what a blessing I had... I started to take care of myself and focus on the family I had left Me and my two ANGELS.. It took me some time to get over it but I did. And I had a painful divorce he cheated... And he just got remarried this past weekend.. But I thought I would feel some kind of way but I don't I am happy for him if being without me made him Happier just at this time you need family support and support from friends.. And find something that will keep your mind busy.

inthebox · Nov 13, 2007, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by penelope pitstop

just got my decree absolute today and it really hurts to no my marriage has gone forever.we spoke on the phone wishing each other happiness for the future but since i,ve come off the phone i can,t stop crying.why can,t i let him go in my head???

Because you are human.
A lot is perhaps denial.
It will take time - I don't know how much.

And though you are officially divorced, it does not stop whatever residual love you may have for him.

For myself, that moment did not arrive until we both had to say in front of the judge and state that the marriage was not salvageble or irreconcilable. She filed for divorce and up until that time I was in denial.

It is like a death, death of the ideal "till death do you part", - at least it was for me.

Then there is the fear of being single again - a whole new world that can be better.

Grace and Peace

penelope pitstop · Nov 13, 2007, 12:11 PM

I've got three children and I was the one who cheated on him. You probably wonder why I'm so upset because I deserve this and maybe I do.I made a mistake the only one in twenty four years together.The two years that we have separated I have tried to put us back together again but to no avail. His intent for two years was to punish me any way possible and I would let him because I felt I deserved it.In April I felt like I'd been punished enough and started NC.Hard at first but got easier although special dates like anniversaries hurt.He,s had and still his seeing this woman for about 2o months whilst I was trying so hard to rescue my marriage.

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by penelope pitstop

I,ve got three children and i was the one who cheated on him. u probably wonder why i,m so upset cus i deserve this and maybe i do.I made a mistake the only one in twenty four years together.The two years that we have seperated i have tried to put us back together again but to no avail. his intent for two years was to punish me any way possible and i would let him because i felt i deserved it.In april i felt like i,d been punished enough and started NC.Hard at first but got easier although special dates like anniversaries hurt.He,s had n stil his seeing this woman for about 2o months whilst i was trying so hard to rescue my marriage.

Okay your situation is different because you were the one who made a mistake.. But Don't beat yourself up for it. It's unfortanate that we have to live with our mistakes but you also have learned.. Even though I am not or have I ever cheated. There was a reason that you did.. Maybe you thought he was cheating? Maybe he neglected you? I don't think you would have cheated on him if everything was perfect.. Don't get me wrong I am not justifying or saying it is right to cheat when your partner is not being there for you. But it is a reason why so many do it.. Either way the damage was done. I don't want you to feel worse about the situation I want you to understand you are not the first and won't be the last, But there is so many things to be blessed and thankful for.. Be glad you were able to be with him and that he came into your life and that you have beautiful children. Don't dwell too much on your mistake.. It happened already Leave the past behind and move forward. That is the only way you will get to destination! LIFE, live it love it, and most importantly surround yourself around supportive positive people.

I AM NOT MY MISTAKE

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 12:39 PM

Accept pain, failure and disappointment as a part of life, not the entirety of it. Life involves taking many risks every day, and not all of them will end positively. That's what defines risk. But the flip side is that some actions will lead to good results, and it's generally better to have a mixed bag than to have nothing at all. Ideally, the good stuff will outweigh the bad, but you'll never reach that point unless you put yourself out there and hope for the best. When in doubt, remember Lord Alfred Tennyson's words of wisdom:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

penelope pitstop · Nov 13, 2007, 12:58 PM

Thank you jolienoire for your compassion and I no I've got to forgive myself to move forward not just for mysake but for my children.my children are what keeps me going and wer also there for me when my brother died few years ago.my ex husand neglected me in many ways.hopefully now the divorce is finalised it will now make me let go of the past and look to the future.

jolienoire · Nov 13, 2007, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by penelope pitstop

Thank u jolienoire for ur compassion and i no i,ve got to forgive myself to move forward not just for mysake but for my children.my children are what keeps me going and wer also there for me when my brother died few years ago.my ex husand neglected me in many ways.hopefully now the divorce is finalised it will now make me let go of the past and look to the future.

Yes oprah said it best when she said 'I AM NOT MY MISTAKE BUT MY POTENTIALS" Keep your head up.. Stay strong and best wishes.. Just make sure you have a network of support to help you when days seem tough...

inthebox · Nov 13, 2007, 01:06 PM

Originally Posted by penelope pitstop

I,ve got three children and i was the one who cheated on him. u probably wonder why i,m so upset cus i deserve this and maybe i do.I made a mistake the only one in twenty four years together.The two years that we have seperated i have tried to put us back together again but to no avail. his intent for two years was to punish me any way possible and i would let him because i felt i deserved it.In april i felt like i,d been punished enough and started NC.Hard at first but got easier although special dates like anniversaries hurt.He,s had n stil his seeing this woman for about 2o months whilst i was trying so hard to rescue my marriage.

There is no justification for cheating.
But we are all human, and we all make mistakes.
You admit to it, You have to live by your choices and make the best of it.
He is only human also, and probably cannot forgive you at this time.
Punnishment, revenge are not justified either and no better than your infidelity. Forgiving you and moving on is his issue.
I wish you the best.

Grace and peace

mjl · Nov 13, 2007, 02:55 PM

In my opinion there is no "reason" for cheating because if you don't want to be with that person the answer is not to cheat on them behind their back!
When I was around 10 my mom cheated on my dad when he was at work, in our house when me and my brothers were home. Me and one of my brothers walked in when they were making out on the livingroom couch! This went on for about a year. We didn't tell my dad until I couldn't keep it a secret anymore, and at 11 years old I had to tell him that my mom was cheating on him. It was the first time I had seen my dad cry. He down right balled in front of me. The family hasn't been the same since. Especially me and that brother. My advice to you is get your children counselling for this even if they look like then can handle it fine. You may think they don't know the details of why you guys are breaking up, but trust me, they know more than you think.