[Keron56]

Well I met this girl at a get together near her town on a summer night. For some reason the first time I saw her I new that I wanted to date this girl. So getting to the point I've been with this girl for about a year and a half.

The first 4 months were so great I fell in love with everything about her. First off this girl is so honest,caring, always comforting she hardly drinks at all maybe once of twice in the past year. She is very active and plays sports academics are also very important to her she is also very christian. basicly the perfect girl in my eyes.

So after these 4 months I have to leave for the military I'm gone for three months in boot camp and they are telling me all this about her cheating and doing stuff with some other guy to just mess with our heads. I came back for a month then had to leave for 7 months again. We argued and faught alot on our 7th month long distance relationship. I started to become very controling and jealous always asking her where she was going always checking up calling her, accusing her of things, taking my frustrastions out on her. if she called 30 minutes late I would wonder why and argue about it.

I then came home for 3months all that still continued I would be so jealous I would just think something is happening in my head and play out what could be going on leading me to believe that it was happening when in reality it wasnt. I would fight about nothing just to be "right" I would even check her phone. and such has went on untill we broke up last week.

Now the thing is this girl did nothing to even make it seem like she was cheating because she never did! She never lied about where she was or what she was doing she was always so understanding and basicly the perfect girl she tells me that she loves me and also her mom does and if her mom tells me this then thats the case I know she loves me with all of her heart we even talked about marriage and how we wanted a family.

She told me she just couldnt handle it anymore and that she wanted the "old me back" thats before I went to the military. Shes tried to get me to get help I never did. Now that she left me and cried on the phone telling me she really loves me and if anyone talks about me to her or anything she starts to cry I finally realised all that I had been doing.

I love this girl with everything that I am I nknew in my heart that she never lied or cheated but just made myself believe other wise. So anyways we have talked a little. I now found Jesus and also started to make arrangments for seeing a pycologist/psychatrist for my problems and Im trying to prove to her that I want to be better for myself and her.

she still tells me she loves me but that she doesnt know what she wants and asked for time to think and or experince new things. She told me my chances of us being back together are good but she never made it seem definate but more like a "Chance". And also she told me again that there was a good chance when i told her all that I was doing and that my insecurities of loosing her drove her away for good. but she also says she doesnt know what she wants and dont expect her to know soon.

Today when I talked to her I just asked her about us and apologized but she still says theres a really good chance when I said something about my insecurities breaking us apart probably for good, but thats it nothing to say when you get help we will try again. but also said we shouldnt be talking each week because its to hard for her and myself and says it messes with her head.

My question is...will I get her back? Im doing all this stuff to prove to her Im dedicated to get better and I love her with all my heart shes my dream girl. I know she still cares for me if she didnt wouldnt she try to completely shutting me out? We loved eachother through a long time being long distance staying together her being faithfull for the whole time. but what does all this mean? A good chance for a 2nd chance and that she needs to look around to see what she wants? what can I do also to help get back besides getting the professional help, what should I do? For the past week its killed me I can't sleep well I get very emotional I love her so much! PLEASE I need this girl back! Thanks

[Keron56]

So I realized that space is what she needs so I'm not going to call her at all unless she calls me. But what I don't understand is the fact she still loves me but doesn't want to be with me while I get the help I need? And the fact that she says "I'm not sure what I want"
I already made the mistake of texting her and such the first 2 to 3 days of our break up I hope that didn't ruin it. But I also wrote a letter to her which I wrote my heart out. If she asked for space when's the best time to send it? Or give it to her? I basically describes what Im doing to get help, how much I care for her, and a few of our best memories in the past and things Ill miss. I didn't state any questions asking her when or why just that I'll always be there for her and I will wait patiently until she is ready. Send or not?

[madaman]

I wouldn't send the letter. Focus on the therapy that you are taking and the problems you need to get rid of. You need to change for the good of yourself, not just the relationship. Its very easy for someone to believe they have changed when they haven't, but she will probably see through you unless you really made the effort.

You did mess up and you are going to have to come to terms with that. Its up to her if things are going to ever happen between you and her again, and you can't force her to make any decision (aside from bugging her too much and forcing her to cut you out for good).

In the end whether things work out with this girl or not, you will be a better person if you deal with these issues.

[Keron56]

So what does she mean by there's a good chance to get back together? I mean I don't think she would say that unless she meant it because I know she loves me and cares for me. Is that something a girl would just say even if she didn't want to get back together?

[melisskah]

Don't pressure her anymore to communicate with you and definitely do not keep telling her 'you love her, you need her, miss her' etc... she already knows you do! But by you trying to keep telling her will only push her further away. She said she needs some time for experimenting/space etc so give it to her.

Do n/c not for the sake of trying to win her back but so that you can also clear your own head out, you obviously know what you've been doing wrong in the sense of making a situation 10 times worse. Don't send her the letter!! Wait at least 2 weeks then send her a text explaining that you're sorry for the way that you have been acting and that you hope she's fine and doing okay... this will at least be your ice break if you do decide to get back together

BUT W/E YOUR FEELINGS, AND YOU MISSING HER, LOVING HER, can't SLEEP, can't EAT, can't BREATHE LOL, DO NOT BUG HER ANYMORE.

Like they say, you can love a bird with affection holding it but if you squeeze it too hard in your palms it will die. (something along them lines lol)

[Keron56]

The thing is our last phone call she told me she was going to call durning the week to tell me when I could pick up the stuff from her house or when she could bring it to me. If I did give her the letter it would be then because that would be the start of NC. But you guys still think I should wait a few weeks after I start getting help before I give it to her? I mean I'm getting professional help from the clinic and a counsler for my problems for myself and for the sake of us if there will be that. Do you think she reconizes this? Most people in my opinion wouldn't do anything about it. I also started to quit smoking like I promised I would. Her mother also told me that she was worried for me and that she wants me to just get help. So it doesn't seem like she's just trying push me away for good does it?

[melisskah]

The thing is our last phone call she told me she was going to call durning the week to tell me when I could pick up the stuff from her house or when she could bring it to me.

I don't want to sound harsh here, but I'm a female and whether being a female or a male sometimes we cowardly take the 'cowardly option' out when we want to end a relationship, in the sense of 'i need time to think, I don't know, I will call you' etc... these are some of the typical answers you get from the 'breaker' who is trying to not 'hurt you' by being in-direct with their words, (or so they don't feel too guilty about what they're doing) hoping in time that you'll get the message and move on or just give up..

If your last conversation was about you picking up your stuff from her house, that to me means 'i really don't want your things here, you picking them up means we're officially over'... even if she does want to get back with you, have some DIGNITY, do not give her the letter, you do not need to say anything sometimes to show another person how you're feeling.

I've been in your shoes, and I know how hard it is and how it hurts and how we would do anything to get them back but really its called a 'break up because its broken' and you trying 50 times harder to fix it will only hurt you more if she doesn't return.

So just start the n/c now, and forget about picking your stuff up in the mean time, we both know once you face her in person, you will want to know what she's thinking about the relationship, what she's decided etc.. And when you don't hear what you really want too, you will be more crushed... MAINTAIN YOUR DISTANCE FOR NOW!!

[Keron56]

I see well thanks. As far as picking up my stuff its my military uniforms and such and I need them.

And I will take your advice I am just so confused about that part though trying to let medown easy because she doesn't usually say things she doesn't mean. And If she was trying to let me down easy and say its done for good why would she Say we have a really good chance of getting back together when your better if she wanted me to forget about her?

[Keron56]

Well so I talked to her mother today about some people I could talk to through the clinic You see getting her back is a huge goal of mine and but I've had problems with anger,depression since I was younger and been seen before when I was not an adult. But I believe that my control,jealousy, and insecurites of losing her are from my past anger issues etc. So yes her leaving me has shocked me so much that I came out of denial and that I need help because I want to be happy and I want to stop these things but I also want to show her that I'm dedicated to her and want us to work.

But regarding contacting my ex's mom which is really close to me and is also my ex's best friend she had told me that she never wanted to give up on me in the first place and something she's been struggling with for a long time and she also told me she doesn't think my ex is the type of person to just say something she doesn't mean. So if this is the case perhaps maybe its not that she wants me gone but would rather just be out for awhile with her friends etc. Until I get help and can show her that she can be free while we are together. Her mother also told me that just the other day she told her that she had good moments and bad moments and started to cry about me. So she is still emotional about me, is this a good sign?

[Ash123]

I do not see this relationship working.

She probably dated other guys.

You are dealing with anger isssues.

This is not a match made in heaven.

Will you all get back together?

I don't think so. Not for a year at least...

[madaman]

I wouldn't rely on any info you get from your ex's mom. No matter how much she liked you, she will always take her daughters side. You are never going to hear the whole truth from her. I know what you are doing right now by dissecting these sentences and other things she has said/done. You are looking for hope, something to hang on to. You might spend 20 hours just thinking about how she said 'ill call you I promise' etc etc but it isn't healthy. Look at all the facts, not just the ones that make the situation look hopeful.

[Ash123]

Hmmm, I don't think you are listening.

But good luck.

Read these posts again and the timeline I gave is not so unrealistic... or worthy of a "disagree" but it's your business.