[Daskgh]

My wife addmitted cheating on me. We talked about leaving and going our separate ways by we talk to a marriage therapist who suggested that we concentrate on the marriage for a while. She had promised to concentrate on our marriage and nothing else. My problem is I don't trust her and she still works at the same place with the guy she has been cheating with. Can I trust her to stay away?

[Duane in Japan]

There are two major types of feelings in a relationship, love and trust, some say you need both, I don't think so, if you don't love her then let her go, get a private investigator, prove her deeds and go on with life. If you can understand that you all won't live there forever or the guy won't live there forever then it will end between them and you can have your woman back. And she will know who was standing by her side the whole time, you.

You got to be a man and do what you feel is right but at least be prepared for plan B.

[erlobenauer]

There is no way to know if she can be trusted or not. In my opinion, I wouldn't trust her, just because it takes time to get the trust back. If you love your wife, stick with the therapist and make it work.

If she isn't being faithful still, then its obvious she doesn't care about this marriage. My advice is to do everything you can to make this marriage work, even if she doesn't. At least you can have the right to tell yourself that you did absolutely everything you could - if it fails from her not cooperating and trying to gain your trust by staying away, that's on her. You don't deserve to be cheated on, and as I have said before, if she loves you - she will focus 100 percent into rebuilding your trust and marriage.

GOOD LUCK

[Marily]

I think that she has to prove to you in her deeds that you can trust her. Trust cannot be rushed, thus give yourself some time to recover

[donf]

Daskgh,

The first problem you have is that your wife made her dilemma your pain.

Now you have to decide how you are going to manage the act of infidelity along with the pain and misery dumped in your lap. If you took her back and forgave her for her actions, then you are implicitly accepting her at her word and are giving to her some level of your trust.

However, there is no such thing as forgive and forget. At any time for any reason, real or imagined it will pop into your head what she did! When that happens, I suggest that you tell yourself why your took her back and examine her current behavior to see if her current actions demand a reexamination. I would first sit the lady down and tell her about your feelings and worries. I suggest that you do this so you can give her an open invitation to reassure you that she merits your trust.

[RubyPitbull]

My wife addmitted cheating on me. We talked about leaving and going our seperate ways by we talk to a marriage therapist who suggested that we concentrate on the marriage for a while. She had promised to concentrate on our marriage and nothing else. My problem is i dont trust her and she still works at the same place with the guy she has been cheating with. Can i trust her to stay away?

How many times did you and your wife meet with this therapist? It seems very odd that a therapist would tell you to "concentrate on the marriage for a while" and not give you any help in coping with this. Your wife has broken her trust with you so of course you don't trust her, especially if this guy works with her. What have you said to your wife about this and what has her response been? What is your wife doing and saying in an attempt to regain your trust? Are you continuing your therapy sessions? If not, I strongly advise that you continue going for counseling as a couple. If this counselor isn't helping you cope with this, then find another one. You both need to understand why this incident occurred and what you both can do to move past this IF saving your marriage is what you both truly want to do. Marriage is work. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage.