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Catman12 · Oct 22, 2007, 07:07 AM

Hi
Im going out with my boyfriend 2 years and we get on so well together and love each other so much, just one problem.
If we go out on a night early and he has too much to drink, he starts up stupid arguments and calls me names and says terrible things. The next morning he says he is so sorry and it won't happen again but this is about the 4th time this has happened and it seems we have the same conversation about it over and over again.
He said he is going to do something about it and not drink if we go out early again but I really don't no if I can believe him.
I really need some advice please.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 22, 2007, 08:13 AM

Sounds like your boyfriend has a drinking problem and as long as he has that problem you are going to have this problem.
You need to decide if you want to put up with it.
Me, I'd tell him to call me when he gets his problem under control. I would not wait until the verbal abuse becomes physical.

shadylady1979 · Oct 22, 2007, 02:21 PM

Catman--

I've been there. Dated a man who was not an alcoholic but had a problem. When he got drunk he would call me names, accuse me of cheating, and as the fights got worse, became abusive. We dated for four years, broke up, and got back together for 2 months, after which I had to end it for my well being.

The thing is, you can't get him to change, and unless he acknowledges he has a problem and takes appropriate actions, he probably will not change on his own.

You might want to visit soberrecovery.com for additional support coming from that angle.

I know I was put through hell and back with my relationship; I pray that you have an easier route.

It's probably not as bad as my relationship, but PLEASE be careful. It took a long time for my ex to become physically abusive, but it started with being emotionally so. Take care!

madaman · Oct 22, 2007, 03:03 PM

One thing that is possible is that maybe the relationship isn't as sound as you think. He may be too passive to bring anything up sober but when he drinks he lets it fly. There might be a chance that he has some issues in the relationship but can only bring them up when he's drunk (and does it in a horrible way mind you).

Catman12 · Oct 22, 2007, 11:34 PM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

Sounds like your bf has a drinking problem and as long as he has that problem you are going to have this problem.
You need to decide if you want to put up with it.
Me, I'd tell him to call me when he gets his problem under control. I would not wait until the verbal abuse becomes physical.

Ya I think Im going to have to say he has to do something more than say he has a problem. The last time he said he was going to go talk to someone if it happened again so if its going to work, he is going to have to do that.