[marvito]

Ok hi, firstly id like to say I feel insanely insecure and stuff, I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now, we are so perfectly suited I LOVE her, she says she loves me BUT I feel insecure and always "lately" think that she doesn't.

Right, I have no problems with my looks as I do believe I am good looking and people say so.. not being big headed though I am still insecure about my relationship.

We have been on 2 holidays together to disneyland paris, see her everyday LOVE HER soooo much, she is going to uni next year, obviously I want her to stay around here, she says she wants to but hasn't yet decided what uni etc, she says that she LOVES me and believes we are strong to go through anything together, she can't see herself with anyone else.

We chat about future a lot, I always tell her how I feel about her I treat her right and she says she loves me, that we want to have a big house and A life together with kids etc, we have talked about this a LOT under the duvet and that.

Ok a month ago she went to amsterdam with her college, for 1 week, I missed her loads she says she missed me 2, she got me loadsa sweet gifts like a magic egg that hatches and says love you, a book on love etc.

Lately since then I feel like she don't love me as much, she takes longer to text me back, she seems much more secure? If that makes sense, she always says she lovs me and that but I just feel strange, every night I feel like she doesn't love me as much and stuff.

We have never had sex, with anyone before and we came close to doing it the other day, which leads me to believe that the sexual element is still there, the want to do it is there still, I wonder if there is anything wrong? I don't know if it is just me being stupid.

As I said I see her everyday but its just a feeling I get that she just doesn't love me much no more, despite the fact she does text me saying... little cute things and stuff.

She wanted me 2 move to uni with her next year, but I have started this year as I am a year up, I am at uni close to home and I want her to stay to, maybe she will, but there's still a strange feeling I get that she just doesn't love me.

We lay in bed together, and we hug etc, all the signs say she loves me but for some reason I just don't think she does? And it would kill me if I lost her.

Is it me? Is it ust me being insecure? I don't like her talking to other guys and she doesn't talk to them either, there used to be a time when she didn't like me not seeing her or complained that I left hers early and stuff, now she doesn't do that that's some of the things contributing to it.

I would LOVE some advice on my insecurities or relationship? We seem so perfectly suited I just can't see being with ANYONE ELSE. At disneyland together it was just the best thing ever, I just want to be with her forever and she means the world to me, I try my best to be a great boyfriend, as I said I always make her know she's loved and I always hug and kiss her etc.

I mean I am 21 she is 19 now I look back on it and think ooh its so good actually but I still feel insecure and that she doesn't rele love me like I love her?

Some help would be amazing.

[Miszulaki]

Hummmmm lots of things to say here!
Where did your insecurity came from? A past relationship or are you just soooo in love with her?
I believe that you Instinct are mostly right! Maybe because you try too much to make her happy that's causing a problem because woman do like to have a bit of a challenge... Maybe if you try giving less but the giving the same love?
Im in the same situation as you but I'm the girl in the situation! I know exaclty how you feel!
Your insecurity came from somewhere and you need to dig to find out where it came from... Try to talk about it with her! If she feel he wants to go away for university then let her go... more you block more she'll be unhappy! It's is possible to have a distant relationship for now! I mean you guys are still young so you need to see around.( not other people but have different experience).
Just be there for her and have as much conversation as you need! With time everything will fall into place! Just be open minded as well and you'll see :)
Best of luck!

[farfrmnormal]

The title of your thread is invalid – its not the relationship that has uncertainty, its you.

My x had insecurities with himself as well – they all were the result of something that happened in his past ( I mean when he was a child).

My only suggestion is to dig deep into yourself and try and see where these insecurities are coming from – from what it sounds like she is not the one causing them – everything she does is something I wish I could have done when I had the chance. Professional help may also be advised but I am not a therapist.

[marvito]

Thank you. She I different from other girls I've been with, I do love her. The insecurity comes from.. I guess past relationships and there was one which I had a best friend for 2 years and I as in love with her, she went to uni and we had argument and stuff, we don't speak now and we are not friends, but to be honest I found her out to be evil in the end and that shewasnt as inoocent and nice as I first thought I mean I cheated with her as her boyfriend was my friend when I was younger, VERY stupid. Even though she went to brighton and my girlfriend now says she wudnt move that far away the furthest she will go is london. My girlfriend and I are like a lot more closer than I was with the friend and is a totally different person. I don't know what to think these days.

She is always strying to put positives into the chats sayingif the worst came and she did move away then we can still be together and the weekends would be extra special she says.

She says she WANTS to stay in canterbury so we can be close but the main course she loves is graphics and they don't do that here.

[Miszulaki]

So here you go you have your answer! She loves you and wants to be with you!
Do not compare any of your past relationship with her because what you need to concentrate on is what you have now! What was in the past stays in the past and just look forward. She won't brake your heart but if you stay insecure she will go away and you might lose her so focus on the relationship and not what may happen. Today is today!
:)

[marvito]

Thank you :) she wanted to move with me I mean she got the prospectuses and everything for uni before I went, I just didn't want to move, now I do if she does, obviously I am a year up.

The uni thing does worry me. You are very helpful by the way please don't go away id love to keep talking.

I would quit uni to go to uni with her its rele difficult though, I really hope she stays but I'm not sure what brings this insecurity on? I mean I didn't feel this before she went for a week.

[Miszulaki]

No problem my pleasure!
If I may ask you, check out my question ( is he for me?) maybe we can both help each other... :)

[Miszulaki]

Also life is already complicated so why not make you love relationship as happy as it should be! I mean if you have great communication and the love is there... No worries should occur! A pattern is what every human being wants for life! All types of love ar everything, you can be rich and have no one and be misireble because you have no one to share it with! So if you can move then do it so ull be with her... If you can then just enjoy every moment you can with that person, u'll see they'll be even more special!
Like things make big things! :)

[marvito]

I agree, but I am at uni in my first year. It may be hard to transfer somewhere? I am thinking aboutquitting after year 1 to move with her but I'm not sure id be allowed in halls and stuff.

[marvito]

There is one Uni called bath spa that does my course, commercial music and that coincidently does graphics design as well! The course she wants, she has said she doesn't know what she wants to do yet because UCCA is about finding out what art you enjoy the most and are best at.

[Miszulaki]

I wouldn't agree with you on quitting your schooling for someone!
This is your education you're talking about! How do you want to provide for your faily after! You also need to think long term. Yes you love her but u need to love yourself first! Education is extremely important! Look university is only 3-5 years it's nothing compared to the problem ull have if you won't finish it! And if you truly want to transfer then do everything that's possible to get transferred

[Chery]

Hope you don't mind a few questions...

At your age, and being together for 2 years professing love and all..
Who is the one afraid of taking the next step - sex?

If it's you, then she might think you don't love and feel attracted to her as much as you claim. Saying I love you once or more a day is not enough and when said too often, it gets old and ignored.

If it's her.. how do you cope with being around her and not feeling lust for her?

Did you two ever talk about going further than just hugging and kissing, and planned a romantic weekend?

I would tell her about your insecurities and ask her to help you understand where this relationship is going to lead to.

It's obvious that you are not going anywhere if you stay at the point you are right now. So, one of you has to take the next step one way or the other.

Get back with us..

[marvito]

We both bit nervous aboutsex, we both want it we constantly do oral stuff together.

I have chatted about insecurities, she says she's also insecure and not to worry, I asked her before about our relationship, she says its unimaginable not being with me.

Its also not going to be me quitting uni, it would be me taking a similar course in music closer, I mean that wouldn't mean id be giving up on education.

Ps: there was a time I didn't and I still don't, really mind about not having sex . We have waited a long time, she says that our relationship is built on so much more than that because we have waited, we both want to do it but obviously she's scared of getting preganant. Though I think we will have done it soon.

[Chery]

It sounds to me like the waves are high and the surf is good.

Maybe talking to someone neutral about your insecurities will benefit you a lot. Someone to be totally open with about everything in your life might give you some insight on what is blocking you.

Anything is worth a try if you feel this relationship is important enough to you.

Give professional help a try and good luck.

Keep us posted.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

It may just be that you are thinking the same thing I was a while back with my own relationship. It's to good to be true!! You've been with her 2 years and you both love each other, you're talking about the future. Maybe it's just apart of your mind is wondering how real it all is, scared that everything the two of you have made could just randomly fall apart. It just sounds to me like you're both scared of losing it all.

Try finding someone who is in kind of the same boat as you and ask them what they think. If it's someone who recovered ask how they did it.

[aaii]

Ok it seems to me that your feeling insecure simply because your scared of change.

Your partner no longer does the things she use to. She doesn't text back as quick, say the things she use to say, do the things she use to do, and so you question, "does she still love me?" The answer... well of COURSE she does!

You need to give her some slack man. Nobody stays the same forever. You need to give her room to grow and not suffocate her. I know you love her and all, but you need to step back. Confessing your love every day (personally) I think isn't particularly healthy because, as someone said, those words will be ignored and will have no meaning soon. In other words, use sparingly. ;)

[madaman]

I would say be careful about acting insecure around her. I have lost a good girlfriend because of it (it was a major contributing factor). I didn't really notice it until I dated a girl who was very insecure and then I realized how much of a pain it was.

[Kiwigal]

Relationships grow and change over time - go with it! If you try to keep things the same, then you tend to get 'stuck' and things don't progress. Change isn't a bad thing! All relationships mature... Imagine having the same relationship as you do right now when you are 70! It's not going to happen.

Perhaps as a suggestion, she could study somewhere where she is able to come home for the weekends. This will allow you both to focus on your education during the week, and on your relationship at the weekends. It may even help add a little excitement with the whole anticipation of seeing each other. Once a month, do something a bit special or romantic and keep things alive that way.

You are both at a point where you are trying to build careers for yourselves, and it can take you down different paths - but if you are strong in yourselves and in your relationship, and you seem like you really love each other, you can spend time apart without it affecting your relationship. It may even make you stronger!

[marvito]

Kiwigal intersting you say that, because she said if she did go she said it would be extra special at weekends, BEWICCANANDPROUD I SOO agree with you.

Some of the advice has been amazing, thanks guys! :) I had a cool night with her tonight 2, I think I'm being stupid, lets hope I can put an end to the insecurities.

[BiWiccanAndProud]

You're welcome Marvito. I wish you the best of luck. Keep us posted I'd love to know how things between you two love birds turns out ^.~