[dissolvedgirl]

Hello everyone.

This is my first time on this site --- it's a pretty boring day at work. I'll tell you a crazy story before I ask my question.

I was recently dumped by my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, Spencer. It was the whole world-crushing "I thought we'd be together forever" sort of moment. He didn't treat me well, but at first (it's been about a month now) I really felt I physically couldn't exist without him.

Immediately after this happened, I was hospitalized for complications of my bipolar disorder. Not surprising, but I'll spare you the details. I left the hospital, and lo and behold, Spencer showed up at my aprtment to "give me back my stuff" and we ended up sleeping together no strings attached, after which I deteriorated even more and I had to be hospitalized again.

Then something amazing happened. I was walking down the hall from my room in a sour mood, thinking about how bad the food was there, and I saw a sad-looking guy out of the corner of my vision. I sort of half-smiled at him, no reason really. 10 minutes later, I tried to walk back and he was blocking my path. "It means a lot that you smiled at me," he said. "My name is Nathan."

The rest is history. We were inseparable until we got out of the hospital together. I learned that he had the same illness as me and took the same meds. He was also coming out of a nasty relationship. He loved cats. In many ways we were copies of each other, and we felt so comfortable around each other it was almost scary.

Once we were free, his roomate's girlfriend moved in and he got the boot. I had a spare bedroom and I offered it to him. He helped me clean my frazzled house, cooked for me, fixed my car, got me up for work, held my hand when I cried, laughed with me. We drove all over the state in my car checking out the sights. He even talked to my mom on the phone, and she invited him to Thanksgiving.

We had both talked about how we wouldn't be ready to date, but my intention didn't last. He's a tree trimmer, and he came out of the bathroom in his Calvin Kleins with the tan and the muscles and I couldn't deal with it anymore. I kissed him. We had the sweetest, most romantic sex imaginable. This happened on four separate times.

The fourth time, he stood up out of bed in a panic and told me again how he wasn't ready and he couldn't do this. We talked for a long time and we both cried. He told me he knew he loved me but he had to go solo for right now. He begged me to forgive him. So, of course, I did.

But we still sleep in the same bed. We still hold hands when we go out. When he comes home from work, I give him a back rub and make him dinner. Just these things alone are more than Spencer and I ever had.

All this after one month and I've never had such an experience. We talked last night about how he wanted to move to Washington and he wanted me with him. I do want to go, but I'm worried about getting my heart broken again. I am falling for this guy fast, and even though I feel like he is too, there's something stopping it. And yet, there's not.

What should I do??

[aaii]

Wow how heart warming. All this because of a simple smile.

As for what you should do... Well I'm really not sure. How far is Washington from where you live? Would your condition affect you? How are you finacially? What would happen if it got rocky between you two? You have to ask yourself all of these kinds of questions.

Take care