[AustProd6]

My history is this. I have been with a Borderline Personality Disorder and Power Freak women for 18 years. She has left me 14 times. We have 3 Daughters which she takes each time. I never know when she is gone until I get home and find the house gutted. She has 2 other children to 2 other fathers and did the same to them. Never married her because she was never there long enough. Up until the last 2 times I begged for her to return. Never knowing why she left in the first place. YES I believe it was my own lack of Self Esteem that would beg.
The last time she left She moved 1800 KM's away. I moved 6 weeks later to anoher location and instantly started no contact and started a new fresh relationship. I was 40 ,32.
Was her age.
Low and behold when she found out she was back begging me to accept her. I did, ended the relationship so I could be with my children. (She still had power over me)
That was 2 years ago.

3 months ago same thing. Received a text "by the time I get home I will be gone".

Enough was enough

I sent her a final Email stating it was time to get busy living or get busy dying. I was about to live. I did the following, while I must say my mind was devastated.
1. Changed my address and never told anybody
2. Changed my Mobile Number (keeping old number for my kids to contact)
3. Silent number at new address
4. Changed my Email address ( never gave it to mutual friends)
5. If I could have changed jobs I would have.
Basically fell off the earth to her.

I got a few text messages from her in a friendly tone which I ignored.
She was in a car accident. I contacted girls to see if they everybody was OK. They were. Told daughter to give her my best. Never visited or texted (Hardest Weekend I ever had cause I am soft) My daughters expected me to turn up but I didn't waiver.I heard it in there tone that "Yea we'll see ya". They didn't.

Parants have told her I have moved on. Not elaborating past that. She was devastated. (The Worm had turned)

One month ago, met a women who is both beautiful in nature and looks. Her children think I am the best thing that happened to her. For the first time in many a year, I feel free in mind from the mental and financial abuse. Her amnipulative power struggle is over and I am free while there is no contact. I feel I am Strong enough now for a face to face dealing with her. Love the opportunity to say F*#k Off. But why wake the sleeping Dragon.

The key is this.
Any time she wants to sink the boot in like denying access or contact with your children Say "I CAN Take It".
Anytime she wants to financially cripple you say "I CAN Take It".
Anytime she wants to flaunt a new relationship say "I CAN Take It.
But NEVER, NEVER, NEVER show it is effecting you.
She wants to beat you to a pulp and show you who has the power. When you ignor her she doesn't have he power and is useless.

I know girls face this type of problem a lot more than males so I appoligise to all women who think I have generalised. SORRY.

Do I want her Back:
3 Months ago: Hell yes, I didn't deserve this bad treatment
2 Months ago: Please, This is so hard. I miss my kids you are evil but I forgive you
1 Month Ago: Um, Not really it would just interfer with my hot lovely lady.
Now: You're joking aren't you. I will never tell you where I am. I am too happy.

Sometimes No Contact is just not enough. I started doing it to try and get her back. Now its just to keep my sanity and make sure she doesn't interfer.
Drastic but in hindsight very required.
Good Luck Guys and Gals

[aaii]

Wow thanks a lot for sharing this story with us ;)

And your so right about not showing that anything affects you. When you say "no" or push away from bad things you add power to it. Instead -- embrace it.

Take care. Hope all works out with your new lady. :)

[s_cianci]

Good advice and good luck.

[enigmagnetic]

What about your daughters? Can you really just let go like that. I would fight her in court for custody. Especially with her behaviour.

[mag1125]

My history is this. I have been with a Borderline Personality Disorder and Power Freak women for 18 years. She has left me 14 times. We have 3 Daughters which she takes each time. I never know when she is gone until I get home and find the house gutted. She has 2 other children to 2 other fathers and did the same to them. Never married her because she was never there long enough. Up until the last 2 times I begged for her to return. Never knowing why she left in the first place. YES I believe it was my own lack of Self Esteem that would beg.
The last time she left She moved 1800 KM's away. I moved 6 weeks later to anoher location and instantly started no contact and started a new fresh relationship. I was 40 ,32.
was her age.
Low and behold when she found out she was back begging me to accept her. I did, ended the relationship so I could be with my children. (She still had power over me)
That was 2 years ago.

3 months ago same thing. Received a text "by the time I get home I will be gone".

Enough was enough

I sent her a final Email stating it was time to get busy living or get busy dying. I was about to live. I did the following, while I must say my mind was devastated.
1. Changed my address and never told anybody
2. Changed my Mobile Number (keeping old number for my kids to contact)
3. Silent number at new address
4. Changed my Email address ( never gave it to mutual friends)
5. If I could have changed jobs I would have.
Basically fell off the earth to her.

I got a few text messages from her in a friendly tone which I ignored.
She was in a car accident. I contacted girls to see if they everybody was ok. They were. Told daugher to give her my best. Never visited or texted (Hardest Weekend I ever had cause I am soft) My daughters expected me to turn up but I didn't waiver.I heard it in there tone that "Yea we'll see ya". They didn't.

Parants have told her I have moved on. Not elaborating past that. She was devastated. (The Worm had turned)

One month ago, met a women who is both beautiful in nature and looks. Her children think I am the best thing that happened to her. For the first time in many a year, I feel free in mind from the mental and financial abuse. Her amnipulative power struggle is over and I am free while there is no contact. I feel I am Strong enough now for a face to face dealing with her. Love the opportunity to say F*#k Off. But why wake the sleeping Dragon.

The key is this.
Any time she wants to sink the boot in like denying access or contact with your children Say "I CAN Take It".
Anytime she wants to financially cripple you say "I CAN Take It".
Anytime she wants to flaunt a new relationship say "I CAN Take It.
But NEVER, NEVER, NEVER show it is effecting you.
She wants to beat you to a pulp and show you who has the power. When you ignor her she doesn't have he power and is useless.

I know girls face this type of problem a lot more than males so I appoligise to all women who think I have generalised. SORRY.

Do I want her Back:
3 Months ago: Hell yes, I didn't deserve this bad treatment
2 Months ago: Please, This is so hard. I miss my kids you are evil but I forgive you
1 Month Ago: Um, Not really it would just interfer with my hot lovely lady.
Now: You're joking aren't you. I will never tell you where I am. I am too happy.

Sometimes No Contact is just not enough. I started doing it to try and get her back. Now its just to keep my sanity and make sure she doesn't interfer.
Drastic but in hindsight very required.
Good Luck Guys and Gals

So happy for you-your life will get better each day. Girls will one day reach out .when they do , i'm sure you will be honest and truthful-they will use the information and come to grips with the past also. Good luck --keep it up

[enigmagnetic]

The girls will reach out but they may reach out to tell you how effed up it was you just left. You got to think about whether abandoning them is the right thing to do. One they could end up like their mother and two you seem awfully selfish. You leave your daughters to further your aim. You could simply say no to your exwife and at the least see your daughters from time to time. In my opinion what you're doing is morally incomprehensible. As far as you know you're the only good role model. Furthermore mag1125 there is this button called caps lock on your left side, hit that.

[AustProd6]

Guys,
I did not leave, the evil one took them, and as far as seeing them my middle daughter has my mobile number for them to talk. If I contact them that is giving her back her power as she can decide whether to let me speak to them.
I here from them about once a month.
How do I bare it? Well remember this has happened 13 times previous and I have conditioned myself to not have them.
Key thing is, you always are positive and happy when you talk to them, you ALWAYS tell them you love them with all your heart, but you never say you miss them. Gives her power.
YES there are some pretty f#*ked up people out there trying to be on a power trip who are just looking to sink the boot in to show how they can control you. Stand up and say NO! (Eventually)
I am gambling that at some stage in the future they will come to me. They are 16, 15, 13yo Girls. They are observing who does what and will make a judgement on who takes the dignified road and handle themselves without mallice. I HOPE.

[AustProd6]

As far as court. Am in Australia. Why bother. She would most likely win anyway and as she controls them they would only say they want to stay with her out of fear. Why throw the money away. Either way, she choose this way she can deal with their fighting and needs. Not something she is good at.
I pay my maintenance religiously ($1600 p/m) before I need too and am ahead. It's another way of saying "I CAN take it" Bring it on. ( Honestly crippling me a bit but hell it's worth it. My girls can't say I was stingy)