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alpha_zero · Oct 14, 2007, 10:46 PM

K now its my turn. My girlfriend just did this to me yesterday and well I felt like crap. After reading this I feel WAY BETTER. My question is though I know she wants her space and we are both in university. Except we are in 2 of the same classes, now I know I can sit away. But what about the bus. We take the same bus home. Should I take a later one, or sit as far away as I can. I know to give her her space I just don't want to give her the wrong idea where as *ohh maybe he hates me now*

Ill type out what she texted me and you guys can take a shot at what she is saying to me

*I have to be honest with u, I need to clear my head and I need to be alone I feel like right now things are overwhelming and I need to be single*

I feel crapier than a toilet

needofhelp · Oct 14, 2007, 11:04 PM

I'm in that situation and I was worried about giving her the wrong impression. I kept asking, what if I did this and she thought I don't care or if I didn't do this, she wouldn't know I care. As others will tell you, give her the space. That's what she asked for, so give it to her. Let her see how it is with out you, maybe it won't be everything she thought it would be. Don't go worrying about giving her the wrong impression.

The following post might be of help.
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

Chery · Oct 15, 2007, 04:43 AM

Impressions are like opinions - everybody has one. There is nothing you can do to influence other's impressions. But you can change your impression of yourself.

Take a look around. See that bus full of people? Guess what, at least 3 people on that bus have been in the same predicament as yourself, and they survived.

Take a look at those classes. Do you think that they don't know what it is like to have loved and lost at some time in their life?

What I'm trying to say is that you are not the only one this has happened to and that you too will heal and go on with your life.

If you constantly put yourself on the 'defensive' you will wind up with more stress and self-doubt. Catch yourself before this happens and find a way to divert your stress as best as you can. Take a book with you on the bus. Sit somewhere else in class and concentrate on the subject.

Now, what we tell everyone else who is and has been in your shoes... it takes time, no getting out if it overnight.. but you too will get over it.

Good luck on your healing process, and stay with us. We will do all we can to help you through this.

Make a mental list of the pros and cons of your relationship, where it went wrong, and you'll see that you will no doubt find a better one after giving yourself time to heal.

aaii · Oct 15, 2007, 05:31 AM

*I have to be honest with u, i need to clear my head and i need to be alone I feel like right now things are overwhelming and I need to be single*

Your asking what to do? Do exactly what she wants, and move on with your life. The most painless way out of this is to accept its over. If you hold onto what you had -- you prolong your pain -- trust me. Been there, done that. If you give her what she wants, time and space, she will come to you.

And don't go out of your way to avoid her. Don't get on the next bus just because she's on that one. Just don't sit next to her or speak to her. Let her see your moving on with your life and she will question "why the hell is he taking this so damn well?" - Curiosity is compelling, but I'm not trying to give you hope here, so just accept its over. :)

Hang in there, your doing great!

Take care

smoothy · Oct 15, 2007, 06:10 AM

I once dated a girl in college that took the same bus I did, and it was a 1.5 hour ride, we were also in the same circle of friends as well.

I managed to not talk with her during my last year of college even though we saw each other twice a day for about 3 hours a day. You don't HAVE to talk with her, or even acknowledge her. You don't do that with every single person in your class so you can both have your own space in class. It takes a degree of maturity to do it, but it can be done. I've been there.

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 02:49 PM

K well update. Today she texted me a couple of times during class and since I wasn't in a good mood I didn't retunr any. I felt a bit better as the day went on. But she texted me a few things that have my head scratching. Before we went out she said she wants a relationship now she says she is not ready for one and wants to clear her head. 2nd she said she hopes it is not awkward now but that she still likes me... iunno lol. And 3rd she says she hopes I still talk and sit by her in classes and stuff. So now I don't know what to do. There's a really good chance of getting bacvk together I just don't know how to go about it. 1. I could sit by her, talk with her then maybe get back with her. 2. I could sit away from her and make me miss me and make her keep contacting me. Or 3rd if it comes to this somehow sit awat from her then she gets pissed at me which ruins my chances of getting back together lol. Ok now I just want you guys to smack me around a bit and give me something I can work on. Much appreciated you guys/girls are like my family. Thanks

Homegirl 50 · Oct 15, 2007, 03:46 PM

Give her what she asked for. Don't play the what if game. If she speaks to you speak back but don't go out of your way with her. If she gets mad, that's tough. This is what she asked for.

Sad Soul · Oct 15, 2007, 04:16 PM

Maybe you should tell her you need some space now TOO. Do this in a nice way though.

And the truth is - you do need space. This is because she is now in a zone where she is playing games and testing things out. This is controlling behavior on her part, because it shows she wants you to run to her like a pet, but only on her command.

I think what is best for you is to tell her, in a nice and polite way, that you care about her, but that you realize that this whole scenario shows that you two do need some space (make sure you word this so she knows that she is the one who suggested this). And thank her for making you realize that. Then start going to the gym, start improving yourself, start getting straight A's, and just living life. Trust me that she will notice.

Because seriously, right now, what does space mean? She's not making a clear line here of what the terms of this space are and this is dangerous!! She does this because then it's easy to bend this "space" into meaing she's roughly allowed to explore a new guy, but then she is also able to alter the definition of it to mean that you two are "sort of together" if she sees you have moved on first. TRUST ME. I don't know how to word this paragrpah I just wrote, but I hope you get a feel for what I'm saying. And you will end up feeling like crap either way.

If she starts being straight with you and expresses that she wants a relationship again, then it's a different story.

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 05:22 PM

Well I've been going to the gym since my last girlfriend lmao wow did that one suck and was I down. She dumped me for a guy she never met who she talked to ont eh computer with who lived in ENLGAND. Ever since that I was hitting the gym and stuff. Lol iunno seems like once I got the ball rolling again for another girlfriend it seems to screw up. Kind of pisses me off and feels like I have no luck lol. I just don't know what to do... talk to her, not talk to her, make her chase me, maybe she gets mad at me. I don't know, I wish one of you could just fly here and smack me across the face for a while lmao.

Homegirl 50 · Oct 15, 2007, 05:41 PM

LEAVE HER ALONE! That's what you do

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 05:42 PM

Can you smack me while your at it

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 05:52 PM

Plus tomorrow is the first time we have classes together so I'm a little nervous. I'm going to sit near the front of the class so I can pay attention and take good notes. Just wondering how all this is going to play out... I swear curiosity is going to be the death of me lol :p

stonewilder · Oct 15, 2007, 05:57 PM

Here's your smack in the face... she doesn't want a relationship with you. She is just not woman enough to say, "I don't want to see you any more". The fact that she texted you rather than tell you to your face shows how cowardly she is. I wouldn't change a thing in my normal routine. She's the one that wants "space" so let her be the one to take the later bus. You don't need her, there is lots of other woman out there who might love to call you their boyfriend.

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 05:59 PM

*Ron Simmons*... D... DAMN!. now that is deep man lol that hit me right in the lung and especially the head. True there are plenty of attractive women out there to have a piece of Johnny, hmm you smart you know that almost like Gandhi smart but I doubt you wear a towel all day

hawiianboy0120 · Oct 15, 2007, 06:07 PM

I think you should be woriied because it sounds to me like she's not into you anymore!!

Don't get mad there are a lot more fish in the sea to swim at!!

needofhelp · Oct 15, 2007, 07:07 PM

Originally Posted by alpha_zero

Plus tomorrow is the first time we have classes together so im a little nervous. im gonna sit near the front of the class so i can pay attention and take good notes. just wondering how all this is gonna play out........i swear curiosity is gonna be the death of me lol :p

I have class with my ex, and its been 3 weeks. Get ready for a bumpy ride. It can be bumpy if you let it get bumpy. Don't be curious, don't ask, don't talk, or it will get the better of you.

mckenzie134 · Oct 15, 2007, 07:21 PM

Mate that message basically said IM flushing the toilet and sending you down there!!

She flushed you relationship down the toilet. If you want to get it back...

Do nothing you owe her nothing if she wants you back she will tell you.

Whatever you do don't sit near her don't argue just be polite and move on don't talk about the relationship just let it go. Don't let her treat you like this or she will make up many excuses then just get another guy

Let her realise what she is missing out on. And if she doesn't well that's it.

needofhelp · Oct 15, 2007, 08:04 PM

I hope I didn't come off giving a bad message. My point was what mckenzie134 suggested. You have to do No Contact. By doing so you begin the healing process. Be polite and know that you will be OK without her.

alpha_zero · Oct 15, 2007, 08:26 PM

Oh no I so took it the wrong way it was like a kick in the nads... lol j/k j/k but yea well I guess tomorrow is when I take a stand and it not only be for me it will be for you guys helping me and for the whole male race having to go through this as well.

SasukiLucy · Oct 15, 2007, 09:02 PM

I think sad soul hit it right on the nose.

And besides... what woman really wants a guy who follows her around like a puppy anyway? I've got my soul mate, and you know, we do things together, and try to spend time together, but in all actuality, we each do our own things. We are both independently confident and have our own lives... and yet our lives have meshed into something quite beautiful.

And oh, she dumped you so she could talk to some net dude? Pshaw. Just keep in mind, she probably just messed up - She might REALLY be talking to some 40 year old fat brit, and gave you up so she could flirt with him? Oh come on. You can do way better than her.