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tm2 · Sep 29, 2007, 06:14 PM

I'm 27 and my boyfriend is 33. We've been together for about 4 months and at first it wasn't this bad. If it is happening this early on in the relationship I think this may be a major issue. I want sex most of the time and for the first time in my life my guy doesn't want it as much as I do. I don't know if it is the age difference or what. I have to initiate it most, if not all, of the time or say that I want it and see what he says. I feel like a nympho and that there is something wrong with me. I am open for opinions and suggestions. Thanks

KBC · Sep 29, 2007, 07:25 PM

Aggressive females can turn some guys off,it makes them feel out of control.

Let him make the move for you or look else ware for your needs,after all,its only a 4 month relationship,not a marriage with kids,etc,right?

Just my 2Cents worth,
Ken

tm2 · Nov 1, 2007, 06:53 PM

UPDATE:
It's still a problem. Actually it has gotten worse. I have quit trying and backed off thinking I may have been too aggressive. It hasn't helped at all. We have sex once a week if I am lucky. I have tried everything... should I just give up? Please help...
Thanks

Fr_Chuck · Nov 1, 2007, 07:05 PM

Guess it makes me wish I was that 33 year old.

But this is all part of being a couple, understanding that the other may not have the same sex drive and really knowing that a relastionhsip is not suppose to be sex based, if it is, it will not last. ( ever) What if he had an accident where he could never had sex again, would you stay,
If you say no, then you are not in love with him fully.

CindyLynn · Nov 2, 2007, 12:49 AM

I would certainly sit down and talk about the reason why. How many times a week would be good for him? Maybe its something simple as he want to be in the drivers seat and he can't do that until it's stopped for a while then he gets to start it again. I would just forget about it for a few weeks. Focus on something else, I mean there are other things in life but sex... My hubby and I go on 2 or 3 week kicks sometimes with nothing and then 2 or 3 week kicks where we do it everyday... that's he beuty of life... always evolving. I say just chill. Make a non issue out of it and see what happens first.

smoothy · Nov 2, 2007, 05:52 AM

Is he flat out refusing to have sex, or is it just that he isn't initiating it? I'm always willing to oblige my wife when the urge strikes her. And she always obliges me when the mood strikes me.

Santale · Nov 3, 2007, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by jendb1234

I'm 27 and my bf is 33. We've been together for about 4 months and at first it wasn't this bad. If it is happening this early on in the relationship I think this may be a major issue. I want sex most of the time and for the first time in my life my guy doesn't want it as much as I do. I don't know if it is the age difference or what. I have to initiate it most, if not all, of the time or say that I want it and see what he says. I feel like a nympho and that there is something wrong with me. I am open for opinions and suggestions. Thanks

I have been married to a man too many years who is not grounded or does not see himself in terms of his sexuality. It does not get better, I warn you, they really start losing it around 40, when you have no choice but a vibrator or an affair.

tm2 · Dec 21, 2007, 09:03 PM

UPDATE

I quit worrying about it and low and behold we actually have a sex life now. I acted as if I were not interested and haven't made an issue out of it and things have gotten a lot better. I am not sure what the problem was but I am glad that things are better now. Thank you all for your help. :)

kp2171 · Dec 21, 2007, 09:48 PM

Glad to hear it...

Also remember a lot of things can affect a sex drive, such as depression, sickness, changing of the seasons, stress, etc...

So I hope its all worked out and that you are happy in bed. Hope you are the girl smiling to herself on the way to work that I pass in the morning.

If it comes back remember that it takes work from time to time. Best thing you can do is talk to your lover, especially when things are good. Nobody likes to hear about problems when its bad... but if you can communicate what you like about what is right... maybe it'll stick.

Glad to hear you are getting your fix.

prettymulatto · Dec 21, 2007, 11:07 PM

You think it's bad at once a week? If you marry this guy it would most likely end up being never; trust me. He's only 33. That is not the age when a guy loses interest in sex. If he never initiates, I would stop initiating with him. Forget him, and see how it makes him feel. Put your freakin dress on like Beyonce girl.

simoneaugie · Dec 22, 2007, 01:02 AM

I couldn't just back off and forget about it. You can, good for you. But I agree with the women who posted here. They just get worse. I will not put up with it. I believe a sexual relationship should be like Smoothy described. If he really isn't in the mood, he should at least talk to you about it. And with compassion, not like you are some nympho!

Backing off so that he feels in control is a game. I do not play games. Sex is way too important for the people involved to play psychology 101.

Choux · Dec 22, 2007, 11:01 AM

He is only 33 and in a new relationship... not wanting sex often is a 'warning sign'. Having a new lover is very sexually stimulating for most healthy young men. The exciting phase of a relationship usually wanes at year two into it.

I don't know why he does not want much sex, but I wonder if you are a dominant woman in a relationship with a passive kind of guy? In other words, your personality is dominant in running the relationship.

Is it possible he is not that fond of you??

talaniman · Dec 22, 2007, 11:22 AM

Originally Posted by tm2

UPDATE

I quit worrying about it and low and behold we actually have a sex life now. I acted as if I were not interested and haven't made an issue out of it and things have gotten a lot better. I am not sure what the problem was but I am glad that things are better now. Thank you all for your help. :)

I am glad for you. Often we make our own problems, with our own expectations on how things go. I think when we drop the expectations, and go with the flow more, we can find common ground, and arrive at solutions that work for both of you. Sex is part of a relationship, not the whole thing. I suspect another area of your relationship was resolved, and the sex part benefitted greatly, what was it? Your attitude and actions, when you relaxed, so did he.