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mon3yca15 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:01 AM

Hi my name is Monica and I feel so bad. My boyfried of 5 years broke up with me for the 4th time. I don't understand why.. I did eveything he wanted me to do. He saw me whenever he wanted or had "time for me". I was always there for him.. Gave him money when he needed without expecting anything but love from him.. took him to work, bought him food, treated him when we would go out, you name it I did it for him.. I don't know why he would do that to me.. I don't understand why he was like that to me.. He never wanted to go to parties, family gatherings, clubs or out with my friends... he just always wanted to be home alone with me.. He said" he wanted to have me all to himself" He never even introduced me to his family or wanted to meet mine...
I am having a really hard time to get over him.. he really hurt me and I feel so used.. All for the sudden he just broke up with me for no reason... What should I do?

Foxy459459 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:14 AM

First of all hunny, you keep saying how much you have done for him, but now you need to ask yourself what has he done for you? Its sounds as if you took care of him. And after 5 years you never met his family?! That's extremely strange. He sounds like a big jerk, and got what he wanted from you. Now you just need to learn how to walk away. I know its so much easier said then done believe me I know, but you have to walk away, and if he actually loves you he will follow, but you need someone that is going to treat you and give to you what you give to them. A relationship is 50/50 not 10/90. You deserve so much more. I know my problem is that I give and give and give and get nothing in return. NOT COOL! But once I stop allowing that to happen, I met a great guy that would do anything for me... It will happen to you to, you just have to let it. Good luck to you and keep me posted. Do you self a favor and walk away, meet new people, and see how he feels about that...

Foxy459459 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:15 AM

OH, and read my qoute, it helped my through a lot in situations like your in

mon3yca15 · Sep 25, 2007, 01:04 PM

Thank you so much for the advice foxy... I just feel so bad because I gave this guy everything I had and he did this to me.. I don't think I deserved it.. and I feel worse because when he broke up with me he didn't even bother to give me a good reason all he said was that he could take being with me anymore... does that mean he lied to me all the time and never really loved me?

GlindaofOz · Sep 25, 2007, 01:11 PM

I'm sure your intentions were very good and were to make him happy but you ended up putting yourself in the role of "doormat". It sounds as if he walked all over you and did not appreciate anything you did for him.

We still have to retain a bit of ourself in a relationship. We cannot give everything to someone and get nothing in return. I know it sounds like you are being selfless but you are allowing the other person to be selfish. Relationships are supposed to be 50/50. It sounds like this one was 100/0.

I feel something off by the fact that he never took you out and never introduced you to friends and family. Any chance he is married or has another girlfriend? That just doesn't sit right with me.

I'm sorry this happened to you. This guy sounds like a real user. There are some great posts on this forum that can help you after a break up. I have to say if he calls again ignore him. This guy is not worth your time.

Here are those posts I mentioned:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...ed-123862.html
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relatio...kup-78597.html

Foxy459459 · Sep 25, 2007, 01:14 PM

That's something that you will never know. I had that happen to me for a 3 year period. I spent over 5000.00 on him. I know how you feel and it has to be one of the worst feelings in the world. You don't want to be with some one like that. Its not worth it in the long run. Start thinking about first all the money you will save from not being with him. Do something nice for yourself even if its just going and getting your nails done or bying yourself and outfit to make yourself feel good. You will met the right one when the time is right. Work on you right now. Because you have love yourself before you can love anyone else. And rebounds suck. Get together with your girl friends and have a good time. Im not going to say forget about this guy because I know you can't do that. But learn from him, and what he did to you. And maybe he will come crawling back but it takes a real hardcore person to tell him to take a hike and not look back, because its not up to you to take care of him, and I know you did what you did because you love him, but if he's not giving anything in return then its not worth it! Your better then that to let some jerk take advantage of you because you love them. Just learn from your mistakes. There are good guys out there. Im going to give you the same advice that someone gave me and it help me a lot. "Go into everything with your eyes wide open" Don't turn your head to red flags, Run from them. If you ever need anyone to talk to about something like this, just let me know I've lived through a lot... Be good to you.

mon3yca15 · Sep 25, 2007, 01:51 PM

Well. I did do everything to try to make him happy.. that's why I can't understand why he did that to me.. thank you both for the great advice.. I know it's going to be very hard to forget about him because he always does this to me.. he breaks up with me for no good reason and then calls me back in a couple of months and tells me he still loves me and want to be with me.. like always I fall for it... but I don't know what to do now... I'm so tired of being treated this way... what should I do to help me forget about him faster?

GlindaofOz · Sep 25, 2007, 01:54 PM

Remember everything cruel he ever said or did. If necessary write down a list and post it where you will see it several times a day (this works VERY well btw). I posted mine on my mirror so when I would get ready in the morning I would just read over and over again all the crummy things. It helped seal in my mind the bad and pushed out the good.

cerisa · Sep 25, 2007, 02:48 PM

Are you sure he was single? Sounds like he was otherwise occupied. Why stay with a selfish man in any case? You seem to have a lot to give, give it to someone who gives in return.

mon3yca15 · Sep 25, 2007, 03:22 PM

That I knew.. yes he was single and I was his only girlfriend.. that's what he would tell me... but he never wanted to go out with my friends or his... every time I would tell him to go out he would get mad and change the subject.. we only went out a couple of times to the movies and I practically had to beg him... I just thought that he loved me and that's why I did all of those things for him... I just wanted him to be happy and this is what he did to me

cerisa · Sep 25, 2007, 03:25 PM

So sorry for you. Hope you find someone who appreciates you.

GlindaofOz · Sep 25, 2007, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by mon3yca15

that i knew.. yes he was single and i was his only gf.. that's what he would tell me... but he never wanted to go out with my friends or his... every time i would tell him to go out he would get mad and change the subject.. we only went out a couple of times to the movies and i practically had to beg him... i just thought that he loved me and that's why i did all of those things for him... i just wanted him to be happy and this is what he did to me

Oh jeez. I'd say without a doubt you were an unwilling other woman. What a double dirty rat. Some people...

talaniman · Sep 25, 2007, 07:35 PM

Not to sound harsh but after 4 times haven't you seen his pattern and cried enough for this user/loser?? Stop letting him kick you. If you truly are tired, you wouldn't fall for his tired lines again.

americangayboy · Sep 25, 2007, 07:44 PM

You WERE being used, and this guy seems like a d-bag. You're better off without him.

Homegirl 50 · Sep 25, 2007, 07:51 PM

He has left you 4 times. He probably found different women to take care of him and when they kick him out he comes back to you. I've heard all you did for him, but what did you get from this relationship?
Despite what some people may say, the best way to keep a man is not to be a doormat. You do not give give give and get nothing in return. He did this to you because he is a jerk and you let him.
Let today be the one you make up your mind to never give him another chance.

friend4u178 · Sep 25, 2007, 08:04 PM

Hi Monica
I'm real sorry for your pain but you definitely need to get over this jerk. What a wanker , you need to be with someone who appreciates and deserves you. Be strong and don't ever give him the chance to get back into and continue ruining your life , it's way too short!

mon3yca15 · Sep 26, 2007, 09:25 AM

Thanks to all of you for the advice... I just hope I can get passed this and move one with my life... would anyone know about how long it will take for me to stop feeling so sad?

Foxy459459 · Sep 26, 2007, 09:46 AM

Sweetie it all depends on you, that's why I say to go out with your girlfriends and start taking care of you. Because only you can fix yourself. Just keep telling yourself that you deserve so much more! And you are a good and kind and wonderful person, any guy would be so lucky to have someone like you.

smoothy · Sep 26, 2007, 11:44 AM

Lots of women have been in your shoes... its a matter of picking the wrong guy. Consider this a learning experience and use what you have learned about him to pick a better man the next time. Don't repeat this mistake by going after another guy like him.

GlindaofOz · Sep 26, 2007, 11:48 AM

Originally Posted by mon3yca15

thanks to all of you for the advice... i just hope i can get passed this and move one with my life... would anyone know about how long it will take for me to stop feeling so sad?

Read through the posts listed in Talanimans signature. They are really helpful and will help you feel as if you can make it through this.

I say be prepared to hunker down for at least 90 days. I think it takes time to get that person out of your system. Naturally no contact is advised. If he calls, emails, sends a letter, etc do not accept it. Do not call him, etc. For all intents and purposes consider him missing from the face of the earth

If you ever feel like calling him log onto here instead and let it out. Someone is pretty much always around (the luck of being international :) ) to cheer you up and keep you feeling strong.