[kuulski]

Hi Guys I am a first time poster :>) but not a noob lol

Here is the story me and my girlfriend were together for almost 2 years well as soon as we got 2 gether my life turned upside down! LEt me give some background Me and this girl were friends for about a year before we even dated. I had been single for almost 3 years prior after another bad breakup and decided to be single and mingle for a while. So after a year of phone chats and long convos we decided to give it a try. We are 2 gether and the good times were very special the bad times were pretty rough. I lost 2 friends One killed the other. Then several months ago my brother passed away. In between we moved in together for about 2 months and it was back and forth but I believe mostly because I was in such a bad emotional place. Anyway we broke up in June cause she wanted "SPACE" problem is when she asked for this space she didn't take it. She would say hey I need space then we would talk every day we would message all day long and because I am so "SMART" I would tell her that it was obvious she didn't really want the space. So last month my brother passed away he was living with me and she knew him also he was sick and she basically left me hangin IMO she didn't come to my house for 3 days after he passed. Her explanation was that she thought my family would be there and that she wasn't comfortable being in a house where someone passed away. After that I held the anger in for a couple weeks and then 1 dayI snapped went ballistic broke in my house etc.. She wasn't there she was on the phone I obviously had allot of pinned up anger. So... after that I decided that I needed to just leave her alone. So I did . After a couple weeks and a couple therapy sessions I decided that I had made a huge mistake. I didn't realize how bad my anger was. So I called her to appologize for my anger and taking it out on her. She stated there was no need to appologize but she wants it to stay as it is for now. Everything she said that day was filled with uncertainty and for now this and for now that. I haven't heard from her in 4 weeks. I miss her terribly but I don't want half way I feel she is settle down material but obviously it has to be mutual. Also I am a single parent and her and my daughter were very close. Ever since me and her stopped speaking her and my daughter stopped speaking. I have gotten tons of advice but I still wanted to post this here because I saw allot of helpful material. Just looking for tips on getting past this situation and what should I do if she does call etc..
I do believe she is very special and my gut tells me she is the 1 which is why I don't bother or call her haven't spoken to her like I said its been about 4 weeks since we last spoke and we have spoken once in the last 6 weeks for me to appologize. Thanks for your help guys!

[Ash123]

Sounds like BAD timing.

I think you two are a tough match.

This might be love or it might be lust.

You speak of her in terms that do not seem totally connected - and she clearly likes a little space. I would not contact her for a while. If she contacts you, I would meet and discuss what worked and why the breaks... and make it clear you want to continue break if it still feels unresolved.

It's in HER court. Not yours.

If you get together, I'd say the reason for space is important.
She may not be ready man...

Hang in and rock on. Don't take it personally.

[kuulski]

Sounds like BAD timing.

I think you two are a tough match.

This might be love or it might be lust.

You speak of her in terms that do not seem totally connected - and she clearly likes a little space. I would not contact her for a while. If she contacts you, I would meet and discuss what worked and why the breaks....and make it clear you want to continue break if it still feels unresolved.

It's in HER court. Not yours.

If you get together, I'd say the reason for space is important.
She may not be ready man....

Hang in and rock on. Don't take it personally.

Thanks! Yea that's something she has mentioned is the timing was terrible.

I have to admit there is some lust there on both our parts lol

But honestly me being the age I am I have gone through this before.

It feels different but I have heard that and read that a thousand times so I kind

Of think maybe it always feels like this situation is different. I know me and her

Were friends first and during our relationship we developed a very close bond.

I spoke to my daughter about this yesterday and she said something interesting.

She said daddy she started acting weird after a while. I said what do you mean? She said

Well first she was coming over every other day then she started coming over less and

Less. She said to her it felt weird. I know in her previous relationship her ex had a

Daughter also but their relationship was rocky at best. My educated guess is cold feet.

The relationship got too serious too fast and she got cold feet. That's what I think but

Obviously I don't know for sure. I know I miss her and the last couple days seem to have

Gotten worst rather then better. I feel like such a wuss lol!

[Ash123]

MISSING her is NORMAL.

But seeing it for what it really is right now is HEALTHY.

Good Job!

Take your time and don't bother her and don't expect this to be fine in a week... It will get better though.

[LEILA007]

Hi Guys I am a first time poster :>) but not a noob lol

Here is the story me and my girlfriend were together for almost 2 years well as soon as we got 2 gether my life turned upside down! LEt me give some background Me and this girl were friends for about a year before we even dated. I had been single for almost 3 years prior after another bad breakup and decided to be single and mingle for a while. So after a year of phone chats and long convos we decided to give it a try. We are 2 gether and the good times were very special the bad times were pretty rough. I lost 2 friends One killed the other. Then several months ago my brother passed away. In between we moved in together for about 2 months and it was back and forth but I believe mostly because I was in such a bad emotional place. Anyways we broke up in june cause she wanted "SPACE" problem is when she asked for this space she didnt take it. She would say hey I need space then we would talk every day we would message all day long and because I am so "SMART" i would tell her that it was obvious she didnt really want the space. So last month my brother passed away he was living with me and she knew him also he was sick and she basically left me hangin IMO she didnt come to my house for 3 days after he passed. Her explanation was that she thought my family would be there and that she wasnt confortable being in a house where someone passed away. After that I held the anger in for a couple weeks and then 1 dayI snapped went ballistic broke in my house etc.. She wasnt there she was on the phone I obviously had allot of pinned up anger. So....after that I decided that I needed to just leave her alone. So i did . After a couple weeks and a couple therapy sessions I decided that I had made a huge mistake. I didnt realize how bad my anger was. So I called her to appologize for my anger and taking it out on her. She stated there was no need to appologize but she wants it to stay as it is for now. Everything she said that day was filled with uncertainty and for now this and for now that. I havent heard from her in 4 weeks. I miss her terribly but I dont want half way I feel she is settle down material but obviously it has to be mutual. Also I am a single parent and her and my daughter were very close. Ever since me and her stopped speaking her and my daughter stopped speaking. I have gotten tons of advice but I still wanted to post this here because I saw allot of helpful material. Just lookin for tips on getting past this situation and what should I do if she does call etc..
I do believe she is very special and my gut tells me she is the 1 which is y i dont bother or call her havent spoken to her like i said its been about 4 weeks since we last spoke and we have spoken once in the last 6 weeks for me to appologize. Thanks for ur help guys!!

the fact that its been 4wks must say something. If she was looking for reconciliation she would have called. This may be the time to find other thing like ur child to concentrate on keep busy. Start dating again. Please don't intoduce anyone any time soon to ur child. Make sure its right first. As for ur x let her see ur moving on. (usally when we see you moving on we are more attracted to you. If its truly meant to be it will. If not choke it up to experience. Learn for the next time.. good luck

[kuulski]

Well guys since my last post I have been really emotional and trying not to beat myself up about it. I know when I originally posted it seemed I was a little disconnected and I think that is because it was my first time being so open on a message board lol. I have done allot of talking since me and my ex went into our NC phase. I haven't contacted her I have been through this before and know that calling her would be a recipe for disaster right now. Just can't seem to get her off my mind and I have tried so many different things and it still seems to haunt me when I wake up etc.. My friend was telling me last night I may know what I need to do but I am trying to rush it and I can't rush my emotions. I wish it was already 6 months and I could create my own closure. My therapist said the reason I am troubled is because I haven't gotten closure. I guess I would rather she said Its over not going to work we should both move on. Being as though space and time is what was requested it makes me feel like there is hope when I know holding onto hope is holding on.*Side Note* I have been putting an effort into more quality time with my daughter. Her living with me I guess kind of made me take for granted some things and I have adjusted my daughter is the world to me*

[Homegirl 50]

Good for you. I think you need to concentrate on your daughter and leave the lady alone. A child does not need to see all of this drama any way.

[GlindaofOz]

It just sounds like a powder keg.

IMO you guys need to stay away from one another.

You have just been through quite a lot and I think you need to get your head on straight before you can contact this girl again or even think about dating anyone. There has been a lot of trauma and sadness surrounding your life. Deal with that and work through it with a professional.

I also have to add that you may not get closure from her. Sometimes in this life we have to make our own closure. Its better for you to figure it out on your own then attempt to contact her and have a blow up.

You are old enough to know that this breaking up/no contact stuff is tough and that this is going to be a bumpy, yucky road. I applaud that you are seeking help through a professional that has to be helping some.

[kuulski]

Thanks guys. Yes the therapist has been helpful for my grieving she said that I had 3 deaths in the past year. My Best Friends Wife, My brother and my relationship. Yes being my age also can be a double whammy on 1 end I know better on the other end I feel I am too old to be going through this AGAIN! Lol I have been trying to see where I am making the same mistakes I made before and trying not to beat myself up and taking all the blame. I have issues but I know that the person for me will look past that and work with me instead of doing what my ex did which was if there is an issue run out the door. She didn't communicate well and was not very affectionate. So those are 2 things that I can say now I settled and allowed it to be an issue when I could have addressed it and tried to make it better. I miss her like crazy but I have to say that in previous situations the NC thing would not last it would be a couple weeks and I would crack then get my feelings hurt. I am trying to find the right balance between dealing with the end and also keeping some hope because I do believe the issues were issues that can be corrected and worked out. But it has to be mutual. If she does contact me and it does get to a point that we are talking about what the issues were etc.. I want to be prepared not just for her but for me. If ti doesn't work out then I will move on. My therapist said she doesn't think it has been very long and there is no need to completely let go at this moment. She thinks I should deal with the fact that we can't speak right now. I know over time it will get much easier either way but I just hit the wall this week. Felt overcome with emotion and frustration.

[GlindaofOz]

I have issues but I know that the person for me will look past that and work with me instead of doing what my ex did which was if there is an issue run out the door. She didnt communicate well and was not very affectionate

I'm really pleased that you see that because it is the truth. No one is going to stick around to be a verbal punching bag but I think that the right person will help prop you up during tough times and not attempt to exacerbate the issues or make your problems about them.

How old was your ex? Was she younger then you?

[kuulski]

I'm really pleased that you see that because it is the truth. No one is going to stick around to be a verbal punching bag but I think that the right person will help prop you up during tough times and not attempt to exacerbate the issues or make your problems about them.

How old was your ex? Was she younger then you?

Yea she was younger then me she is 29 I am 31. She also went through allot with her previous situations which I think contributed to her not wanting to communicate. I sensed disconnect allot of time and for a while I thought it was cause she was cheating on me which is something I went through before. But later I realized she just wasn't as external with her emotions as I am.

[kuulski]

Hi Guys I am a first time poster :>) but not a noob lol

Here is the story me and my girlfriend were together for almost 2 years well as soon as we got 2 gether my life turned upside down! LEt me give some background Me and this girl were friends for about a year before we even dated. I had been single for almost 3 years prior after another bad breakup and decided to be single and mingle for a while. So after a year of phone chats and long convos we decided to give it a try. We are 2 gether and the good times were very special the bad times were pretty rough. I lost 2 friends One killed the other. Then several months ago my brother passed away. In between we moved in together for about 2 months and it was back and forth but I believe mostly because I was in such a bad emotional place. Anyways we broke up in june cause she wanted "SPACE" problem is when she asked for this space she didnt take it. She would say hey I need space then we would talk every day we would message all day long and because I am so "SMART" i would tell her that it was obvious she didnt really want the space. So last month my brother passed away he was living with me and she knew him also he was sick and she basically left me hangin IMO she didnt come to my house for 3 days after he passed. Her explanation was that she thought my family would be there and that she wasnt confortable being in a house where someone passed away. After that I held the anger in for a couple weeks and then 1 dayI snapped went ballistic broke in my house etc.. She wasnt there she was on the phone I obviously had allot of pinned up anger. So....after that I decided that I needed to just leave her alone. So i did . After a couple weeks and a couple therapy sessions I decided that I had made a huge mistake. I didnt realize how bad my anger was. So I called her to appologize for my anger and taking it out on her. She stated there was no need to appologize but she wants it to stay as it is for now. Everything she said that day was filled with uncertainty and for now this and for now that. I havent heard from her in 4 weeks. I miss her terribly but I dont want half way I feel she is settle down material but obviously it has to be mutual. Also I am a single parent and her and my daughter were very close. Ever since me and her stopped speaking her and my daughter stopped speaking. I have gotten tons of advice but I still wanted to post this here because I saw allot of helpful material. Just lookin for tips on getting past this situation and what should I do if she does call etc..
I do believe she is very special and my gut tells me she is the 1 which is y i dont bother or call her havent spoken to her like i said its been about 4 weeks since we last spoke and we have spoken once in the last 6 weeks for me to appologize. Thanks for ur help guys!!

Hi Guys,

Just wanted to give an update it has been a couple months well actually 2 months in about a week or so. I have gotten over the initial shock and awe of the break up and am currently trying to keep pushing on. I have not heard from my ex at all though I have been getting crank calls on my job phone kind of funny to be getting crank calls at a number that very few people have and the calls have been on a weekly basis once a week I pick up the job phone and the caller hangs up after I pick up. When it started obviously my first reaction was it was her. Well I don't know if it was or wasn't but I spoke to a couple friends and family and they are of the opinion it is her. It really had me emotional wondering why she would play games but I realized that either she wanted to hear my voice or it was completely random. I do miss her allot and after the emotions died down I realized it was for the best either way. If we do hook back up it would mean she changed and is ready for a serious relationship. I do have a question for some of the vets if she initiates contact I don't feel as though right now I am in position to be able to just be friends. I do feel this situation is different and truly believe we had something special however I know it doesn't mean squat now lol. I feel I deserved better then what she gave me during out relationship. I feel she was very immature and needs to do allot of growing up. I have always been the type of person that would seek confort in a relationship and having a emotional dependency on my partner. I don't want to continue down that path my question is am I wrong for wanting to just walk away completely? Is it too early to do so? My therapist expressed to me that 2 months is nothing and 6months to a year is a real timetable. What do u guys think?

[Homegirl 50]

No, you are not wrong to walk away. Leave it be and concentrate on your daughter and yourself.

[kuulski]

UPDATE:

Guys I was doing really well but hit a rough patch.. Therapy ended well and I am on my way to living a better and healthier life. Learned allot of ways to relieve stress including walking and working out which have been going well. Ok so around christmas I get a message from my Ex stating Hi how are you... I had already decided that IF I heard from her I would respond with short and quick messages and keep my distance as to ensure I would not become an emotional roller coaster. Well, it went from just communicating a few lines to more. We ended up being physical again and it all went down hill from there. She expressed she still didn't want to be in a relationship but would love for us to continue to be physical and hang out she just doesn't want any strings or expectation attached. I agreed thinking I could handle it. Well I couldn't and we ended up having several deep hearted discussions that I did not initiate but she later blamed me for. We started seeing each other I would say after valentines day I believe. We didn't really date she just came over every once in a while and as I stated we had a few talks. Well a couple times after that we stopped speaking for an extended period. The first time we had a disagreement about plans made and she basically stopped calling for a month. The she emails me and says is it OK for me to email you? I never have asked for space I just rolled with what she wanted. She requested space and I gave it to her. I have honestly not dialed her number in a long time she always calls or text or emails me to initiate contact which I think is the right thing to do. She has made several comments about me seeing other women like I know you have women crawling all over you things like that. I expressed to her I wasn't comfortable with this talk because I myself don't want to know about what she is doing and with who I know it would hurt me too much. Well the cycle continued again last month were she initiated contact again she would text me all the time call me etc.. But would keep her distance as I kept mine. Well then something really weird happened. She calls me 1 day and tells me her mom has been buggin her and she wants to come to my house and see me and my daughter we were all very close while me and my ex were together. She is very close to her mother and I care about her and my ex girlfriends 2 brothers very much. So I thought it was weird because her mother has been to my house maybe 3 times total I always went to her home. So I tell her sure but when? She says right now we are not far and she keeps bugging me. Well I even though I know I shouldn't of decided sure come over. They come over and her mom is making all these comments about me being a lover man, saying my new look etc.. Are for the ladies. Saying things like this for the whole time they were these. I found this very strange as nobody knows if I am dating anyone etc.. As I stated me and my ex only made one thing clear we are seeing other people. But nothing to the extent that I am some playboy etc. so after they leave I ask my ex where all this was coming from well she was pretty much denied saying anything to her mom that it was all her mom. Then a day or 2 later she calls me late at nite(Very Unusual after the break up) and says she just wanted to hear my voice?? Well we talked it was a good conversation and she stated she wanted to come see me the next day but was not 100 percent sure she could cause her plate was full. Well I was fine either way. She said she would let me know. Well I didn't hear from her again till well I would say a month later last week to be exact. She then says she was thinking and decided it was best we don't speak anymore for now. She knows she loves me and all that and knows that right now if wanted to be with someone it would be me and she feels terrible for putting me through this. So we had a long chat mostly bad but at the end it was good I had a chance to tell her about my progress etc... And we ended on that note. I decided to go back to therapy because my stress levels were rising again and I feel tired in my head. Decided to go to therapy before I snap instead of losing it then going to therapy. Thanks again for all your help guys and if you have any comments or suggestions please post. Thanks :)

[liz28]

Stop allowing this girl to play with your heart. Let her play games with someone else. THis is a preview of your future if this continue. If she sends you an text or email don't open it deleate it, if she calls don't answer. You getting stress out for someone who not worth it. She knows and will continue to act like this and plays with your heart because she knows she can, but you can stop this cycle.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

I agree you should let her go. Remember, No Contact = No New Hurts.

Every time you allow contact, you are just ripping up whatever scar tissue has built up & the healing process has to start all over again with more to clean up.

[kuulski]

I agree you should let her go. Remember, No Contact = No New Hurts.

Every time you allow contact, you are just ripping up whatever scar tissue has built up & the healing process has to start all over again with more to clean up.

You are 100 percent right. I honestly didn't even think of it till I had already started maintaining contact with her on a regular basis. Honestly I don't call her haven't since we broke up. Its always her calling her text messagin. I guess it made me feel like I was doing things the right way. But I see now I just put myself through the same mess again. So its been 12 days since we last spoke. Yesterday was rough cause it was my birthday and I didn't think she would message me but its so sad when I know in my heart I have a glimmer of hope that she cares. Its just hard to deal with especially with the other things I have to deal with. Trying to look at it as the glass is half full but it can be really hard 2.