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Michael2007 · Sep 8, 2007, 04:11 AM

I am dating a bisexual girl (she made it clear for me from the very beginning and I made a choice to accept that if I wanted to be with her. Although I cannot say I like this fact but there is nothing I can do about it). I am alder then her (nearly twice her age) and I find myself suffering when I am not with her. But she does not let us get close and in addition to that she is a very stubborn person (meaning she will never change her decision when she made up her mind). She always emphasizes that she cares about me but only as a friend (although we have sexual relationships from time to time). I really would love to make her care about me more and make her love me (if it possible at all). What can I do to make her love me and care about me more?

goldilox · Sep 8, 2007, 12:07 PM

Hi Michael... I am female and in a similar situation as you are... just that its with a guy whom I suspect might be bi or gay... but he denies it... we started as best of friends for a no. of years and of late I have been feeling this way about him esp because all along he's been asking me to be with him... but its just funny that he flirts with guys most times when we are out and hardly ever with females... we are not together but right now there is a bit of tension between us because of a few incidents that happened with him being jealous when other guys show interest in me... I know its difficult and I can reason with you... its a miserable situation... unlike being interested in a woman who just isn't showing interest for other reasons other than being bi and vice versa... right now I hate how I feel about him because he's beign very cold lately and not showing much towards me... right now I'm just trying to keep calm and try not to think of him or even bring up any topic about us to him... and I've seen a little improvement in his attitude and actions towards me... but in truth and in fact... I want to be with him but at the same time I want to stop myself from feeling that way about him... I think its difficult for them to love the opposite sex not that it is not possible but if there's a strong interest in the same sex, its hard to get them out of it... and I am too trying to find a solution to it... I posted up a question earlier... ' can a gay guy go straight'.. you can check it out and c what others had to say about persons being bi or gay... any advice from you will be appreciated also...

Michael2007 · Sep 10, 2007, 02:13 AM

Hi Goldilox. Thank you for your answer. It is very appreciated. From my side I would like to express my understanding and support to you. I do not think I will be of much help though. I can only say I was trying many things with this girl. I was loving and romantic, I was caring and tried to anticipate her wishes, needs and wants... But the more I tried to be all that the more she pushed me back and maintained a distance between us. So at some point I decided to use some ploys towards her (which I am not proud of but at least she could have a "taste of her own behavior"). For example, she might have not called me for some time and I did the same thing to her (I love hearing her voice and one day without a phone call is a real torture for me but I did it hoping to make her realize it). I do not give up though. There must be some way to make her closer to me, to care about me... that's all I ask for now. I am not sure whether I helped you anyhow but thanks once again!

talaniman · Sep 10, 2007, 08:16 AM

I think you both are trying to get what you want from people that aren't willing to give it to you so your attractions and efforts are frusrating and futile. In a situation like that, you must accept them for what they are, and stop trying to have more. If you can't, your affections should be directed in a healthier direction. You can't change people to have what you want, but you can be more realistic in your expectations. Don't be stuck on what you can never have.

goldilox · Sep 10, 2007, 07:14 PM

Thanks michael for your help... ive actually been trying to avoid making much with him, calling him and so on... its a real torture I can tell you because I am so used to being around him and being myself and talking to him and seeing him practically everyday... I can't say I will avoid seeing him physically because we work together and we do gym and tennis together... but I don't say much to him unless its important... I have stopped talking about us and I think he's noticing it a little bit... the funny thing about it is that... he was the one after me the whole time, asking to be with me and so on but I had never seen him in that way for years... until recently I starting having these feelings for him and then he all of a sudden started showing some kind of jealousy when other guys were around me which created an argument when a few weeks ago he met me having lunch with a friend of my casually... he was pissed about it and we argued over it for days... ever since he's withdrawn himself and hardly says much especially when it came to the two of us... so now I feel like after all this time he's been after me to be with him (not that we are together) and now that I feel this way, he's behaving this way with me... im confused and I'm upset at myself that I even allowed myself to fall into this... but I'm trying to make myself feel better... trying not to think of him too much and to just be my normal self again with him... I can't help you much as you can see we are both trying for the same thing... but sharing your experiences with me is very appreciated... atleast I'm not the only one is a situation like this... but I think what u're doing is fine... I think we should back off for a while and see what comes out of it... hopefully something good whether I can move on or he can change...

goldilox · Sep 10, 2007, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think you both are trying to get what you want from people that aren't willing to give it to you so your attractions and efforts are frusrating and futile. In a situation like that, you must accept them for what they are, and stop trying to have more. If you can't, your affections should be directed in a healthier direction. You can't change people to have what you want, but you can be more realistic in your expectations. Don't be stuck on what you can never have.

Talaniman... my problem here is that I was not the one in the first place to go after this... he has been after me for years asking me to be with him and talking about he he feels... he gets jealous when other guys show interest in me... only until recently I started feeling this way and I think its because of him being so persistent or maybe I'm only now realising that I really like him in that way... and now that I feel this way he has been acting very unreasonable and silly lately just because of that same jealousy thing... so now he isn't saying much or talking much like he used to about him and me... he claims that what I am doing to him hurts him etc... im now confused as to what he wants... I don't know for a fact that he is gay, I've neve caught him in the act but I have lots of suspicions.. the way he behaves around them.. the way he flirts with them... im not sure what to think now.but thanks for your comment...

americangayboy · Sep 14, 2007, 01:12 AM

You can't make someone love you. You might be her f-buddy, but I don't see it going any farther. You're nearly twice her age, so I doubt you have much in common. How do you know this woman? How long have you known this woman? In what context has the majority of your sex with her been? (Casual or in a committed relationship?)

Goldilox: your guy is not into you. Given the information provided, he's probably not straight and the reasons for all of this confusion are either you misinterpreting his behavior based on your crush or him trying to conceal his true identity from an apparently less-than-supportive group of friends. Either way, you aren't going to marry and grow old with him.

roselyn_15 · Jul 24, 2013, 11:46 PM

Helu!.
Amhf!. can I comment on this situation??
Bcouse I experiencing an situation like this also couse I also in a relationship w a
Lesbian but unlike yours Our relationship so far its working , we are now 10 moths
And we both happy on it!.

But one thing in my mind that Our parents both don't know about our relationship
But I don't worrie on that , I worry the most is how far we will?.