[kevin2006]

Hi, I have a problem that really affects me in social situations. If I'm with a group of people and I'm making fun of someone. If someone makes fun of me, not just once, but for awhile, and if I don't have anything very creative or funny to say back I start getting moody. People can actually notice it on me. MY face gets flushed red; I feel I can't control my facial reactions; and I just have a scary look on my face that I cannot help. My thoughts keep going on and on about what is happening, but I'm not too sure what I am thinking. Can someone please help me.

[cal823]

Your saying you have what?
Snappy comeback defficiency anxiety?
Try speaking to a shrink maybe, hmmmmm maybe your getting embarrassed by the time it takes to make a comeback passing and thus leaving you with no response to the comment.

[shoe_lovin_freak]

Ugh all guys are this way. Its because u feel defeated. Like the other person has won blah blah blah. U just need to get over it. Just laugh it off and go home and think of a hundred things u could say about that person and when the time comes, lay them on him lol

[kevin2006]

Hey. I know what you mean, but I think it's a deeper problem than you guys think. I want to try and play it off, but its hard. Its not even the fact that I don't have a comeback. Its more that I start believing the person and start dwelling on my thoughts.

Ps. Does anyone have a link for the page that talks about affirmations?

[SnakeBite]

Hi, I have a problem that really affects me in social situations. If i'm with a group of people and I'm making fun of someone.

Simple solution: "Don't make fun of anyone!" Does that ring a bell or turn the light bulb on at all?

[Stringer]

Some people are like this, most grow out of it. But I believe that you have to stand up for yourself. I'm sure that when you really think about how many friends you have and how many people like you and want to just talk, you will realize you can get past this and you must have something to offer.

I remember when I was about 12 y/o I had the typical bully picking on me every chance he got and if he had an audience he did it even more. Well one day the verbal abuse became physical and he hit me (twice) in front of a girl I really liked. When I got home my Dad saw my face. He told me quite simply this punk will keep doing this every time he sees you, is that what you want?

He made me promise that the next time this happens that I would punch him back. He said it didn't really matter if I hurt him--ONLY that I sure as hell would feel better. (I did and he was shocked-never happened again)

I know that you didn't say that anyone was physical with you, but the point here is that it will continue if you don't stand up for yourself. The more you practice, the better you will become at it--trust me you'll feel better.

By the way I am not saying that you need to get physical. Good Luck!

[kevin2006]

Stringer: yea that makes sense.. sometimes I just don't want to make a scene because I know if I get mad I can make fun of someone really bad.. like snakebite here who thinks he's a genius with that answer.. guess he never got that cure for that venom that's messing up his head lol... jokes... sometimes my friends notice that I get too mad when I make fun of someone.. so then I feel bad... and now its like I'm not trying hard enough.. I guess I got to work on balance.. thanx again for the proper reply

[SnakeBite]

stringer: yea that makes sense..sometimes i just dont want to make a scene because i know if i get mad i can make fun of someone really bad..like snakebite here who thinks hes a genius with that answer..guess he never got that cure for that venom thats messing up his head lol...jokes...sometimes my friends notice that i get too mad when i make fun of someone..so then i feel bad...and now its like im not trying hard enough..i guess i gotta work on balance..thanx again for the proper reply

You just can't resist, :D now your are trying to make fun of me. :p haha hehe you are a little cry baby bro. "HE HURT MY FEELINGS," BO HO BO HO...
Now you will be losing sleep over my post. :eek: LMAO!

If you break someone's balls and then you can't handle it when they give it back to you,
Dude its simple, don't make fun of someone. You don't need to be a rocket scientists to figure this one out.:confused:

If someone is breaking my balls and I don't like it, I tell that person to cut the sh-t, and that I have had enough of their BS. If they don't stop, I whack them in the head.:cool:

Be a man dude not a cry baby!;)

Sssssssss

[cal823]

Snakebite!!
Be nice
He's not a cry baby, okay? Now stop being offensive in your answer.
Also, the whole "whack them in the head" thing shows that you have a lot to learn about proper social behaviour.
Maybe you should be asking questions instead of providing offensive answers

[Illusion]

Dear Kevin - Sounds like you may think you are joking but people may be getting their feelings hurt. Most people do not like being made fun of so you should be careful with that. When people make fun of you, of course you feel uncomfortable. You are not taking this too personal - your feelings may be getting hurt.

The Science of Mind online has daily affirmations. You might also check out the "365 Science of Mind book" (a year of daily wisdom from Ernest Holmes) that has an affirmation for every day. Take care.

[SnakeBite]

snakebite!!!!
be nice
hes not a cry baby, okay? now stop being offensive in your answer.
also, the whole "whack them in the head" thing shows that you have alot to learn about proper social behaviour.
maybe you should be asking questions instead of providing offensive answers

I have problems with social behaviour? This guy likes to break peoples balls and he doesn't like it when people do it back to him? Why does a person have to make fun of someone? Are we in grade school playing games?

If someone offends me and keeps it up. I don't wimpier like this cry baby, I straiten them out.

[templelane]

I'm with SnackBite on this one. Don't dish out what you can't take.

I'm pretty sharp and can be really caustic but I don't cry when I get it back, I expect it!
In fact I specifically pick on people I know are going to give me hell back.

What you need is for people to make fun of you more, get your close friends to do this. Then you can practice retorts. Also sometimes the old clichés are best, if you really can't think of anything just use a playground taunt like 'your ma!' then someone will say something about you being immature then just say he laughed and point at someone. Your controlling the situation then and it's an easy deflect.

I always use I'll x you in a minute.
x being whatever noun they used in the last sentence. Total nonsense but I get the last word in and it makes people laugh :)

You need to get better at manipulating and defelecting personal areas of conversation. That way you'll not be caught with your come back trousers down.

It's just practice, so get your friends insulting you. Just remember everyone has a subject you can't mention, it's just not funny to really upset someone. Your friends should know what yours are and they should defend you if someone crosses the line.

Other tricks are to get there first. Self deprication can get you far. Insult yourself and people don't do it for you, also you get to control the subject and amount.

And there is always the old chestnut
I may be x but you're hanging about with me!

I just have one question- were you an only child?

[kevin2006]

I understand where you guys are coming from... I like to joke around with people.. in high school that's all I did with my friends... everyone was like that.. making fun of each other I guess... and now I can tell people are just joking and that they don't mean it... but I get bad thoughts thinking I am really messed up because I'm a paranoid type of person.. theres nothing more than being able to not take things personal and take them as a joke because they are my friends... well most of them... when I make fun of someone I hope they don't take me seriously but it makes me more comfortable... but when it's the other way around... I just get self-defeating messages in my head... and then I start feeling incompetent... I think I should stand up for myself.. im just no used to blowing things off a lot... im a middle child with 2 brothers

[templelane]

You need to work on your confidence then. Got to learn to ignore those horrid little voices. Easier said than done, I know. You should post a thread to ask for ideas to improve it :)

Middle child, you must have got much worse from them than your friends could ever give you!

Is this a recent thing or have you always been like this? If it started when you were older was there anything in particular you can remember setting it off? Sounds like it is a bit more complicated than just not being able to take a joke. Sorry it just came across a bit like that in your original post

[kevin2006]

I think its mostly about confidence and my insecurities.. I feel a bit paranoid sometimes too... it happened over the past 3 years I guess. It wasn't always like this. Now I've been more self-conscious about myself. A couple years ago if someone says something to me I wouldn't dwell on it. But now its all I do and I feel trapped by it. People notice that too. Sometimes when I try to defend myself people can notice the anger in me and I get emotional too sometimes. An example of how it affects me is sometimes when I get drunk I do stupid and I forget what I did. And the next day everyone makes fun of me and I feel ashamed. I can't even stick up for myself because I feel they're right. So every time I get drunk, even though I stll remember the next day I get a little paranoid and feel like when I'm around my friends. A couple years ago I loved making fun of people and I hope they didn't take me seriously. But its hard to do it the other way around. When it comes to my brothers they make fun of me a lot. But I brush it off a lot easier when I am around my friends. I don't know. I think the main problem is that I take things too personal and I forget who I am. My entire mood is based on the people around me. If someone thinks I'm a stupid person and I'm around them. I feel stupid. So basically I have no sense of my true self. Sometimes I do feel confident and I can do anything. But its rare. I read a post on this site before from this lady and she talked about life and stuff. And also mentioned something about affirmations so I was looking for that too. My inner voice right now is saying I'm incompetent so it comes up in almost every situation. So when someone starts saying bad things about me. I try to blow it off but my negative self-talk kicks in. and about what snakebite said. I shouldn't make fun of anyone if I can't handle it. I'm going to try it. I feel like if I don't try to make fun of someone, it takes a lot of burden off my shoulders to be the funny guy. But that's who I always thought I was back in high school when all my friends would surround me just to listen to my jokes. Now I'm in a different environment with different people and I don't stand out as much. So I'm going to try not to make fun of people and see what happens.

[templelane]

I know you may not like the sound of this but I think you should go see a uni counsellor. You are talking just like one of my depressed friends, it's the paranoia.

You've had a major upheaval in your life (going to uni) and I think it has a tendency to tip some people over where they were (just) muddling along before. What year are you in? Are you doing something you love or just doing something because it was there?

I think you should talk to a professional, and not feel guilty about doing so as these problems could degrade and become worse. Did you know depression is one of the most common illnesses treated by GPs?

Has your term started yet?

[kevin2006]

I'm already in 3rd year. I felt I've made a huge improvement since first year, where I was a total wreck and I just isolated myself in my room. And when you ask if I'm doing something I love, what do you mean? Do you mean the courses and stuff I'm taking? I'm in life sciences and it is alrite. I'm kind of lost as to what I want to do in the future but I'm still keeping my options open. School started this week and I already had my classes. I think I should go see a counsellor then and see what they have to say.

[shoe_lovin_freak]

I agree with snakebite. Its like sort of being hipocritical... sorta in a way. Because your making fun of someone, then when they do it you get mad. GO SNAKEBITE lol oh and cal823... ur saying whacking someone in the head is not good social behaviour... but making fun of someone is?? Hmmm... I need to brush up on my mannorism skills then

[kevin2006]

I'm pretty sure making fun of someone is part of social interaction... whacking isn't.. so yeah you do need to brush up on that