[friend4u178]

Comments on this post
chuff agrees: Nothing wrong with a little AMHD.com get together.

Couldn't agree more my friend :)

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well I find myself below square one today... So the day after we slept together (friday) after being broken up for only 3 weeks out of a 4 year relationship have gotten me no where but worse off than I was in the beginning. She texted me the next day to tell me that she didn't get into med school (like I thought) and would be moving the next day 6 hours away to do her masters. She than called me that night, where she continued to say that she didn't want us to be over but still didn't know if she could handle a relationship in her life right now. Everyone I told about what happened between us was pretty angry at me, and were very persistent that I could do way better and that what she was doing was really selfish and was more for her own benefit, because she got to see that I still really cared for her and that made her feel good. She asked me to come visit her the next weekend as well as call me daily. Its weird, I had convinced myself so much in those three weeks that I was way better off, and that she did treat me pretty horribly at times and that I did deserve way better... but when I thought she might come back I threw all that out the window. I have decided now that I really have to think without my heart, and use my head, I don't know why but I actually do feel more upset now than I did when the break happened. Just a warning, 99.99% of the time you are not going to get back together with your ex, and in trying so or opening yourself up to it you are only opening yourself up for more pain... I could have been a month into NC by now and feeling better but now I am back to the beginning, this really truly sucks, my confidence is shot and I feel like I will never meet someone again... I have no one to blame for myself however, I definitely had fair warning. Thanks for letting me vent.

[bigbird213]

Everyone I told about what happened between us was pretty angry at me, and were very persistent that I could do way better and that what she was doing was really selfish and was more for her own benefit, because she got to see that I still really cared for her and that made her feel good.

She is being selfish and doing what she wants for herself, so isn't it time you do the same?

Just a warning, 99.99% of the time you are not going to get back together with your ex, and in trying so or opening yourself up to it you are only opening yourself up for more pain... I could have been a month into NC by now and feeling better but now I am back to the beginning

Hmmmm... sounds vaguely familiar :rolleyes:

[movinrightalong]

Well,

For those who know what was happening, I saw her at the party and said hi. That was all. After the party, I went onto Facebook, changed the relationship status (I'm surprised that she hadn't) and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Should I go back to day 1?

[friend4u178]

Well,

For those who know what was happening, I saw her at the party and said hi. That was all. After the party, I went onto facebook, changed the relationship status (I'm surprised that she hadn't) and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Should I go back to day 1?

Are you expecting an answer back , is that why you sent her a message??

[nickshehe]

50 days of NC
... bloody hell :|

[bigbird213]

and sent her a quick message saying bye, maybe I'll see you around someday.

Terrible Idea, don't do it again.

[brian1231]

Very tough. Yesterday was my birthday and I was half expecting a phone call from her. None came. We've been BU for 2.5 months and NC for 1.5.

We broke up 90 days before our wedding because of some mental issues she had and because of her parents not approving of our relationship (her parents caused her mental problems). I've half been expecting contact from her because she said she'd love to get back together with me once she got better.

I am doing my best to not wait around and date, but there are still hard days. I am not looking forward to the next time that I see her.

[kaneda]

Sigh,today is the day I decided to seek professional help.Yes,indeed it's that bad. While Losingit77 is slowly moving on 2 months after the break up of a 4+ year (was it?) relationship,I am in month 5 of my depression over losining a relationship of 5 (FIVE) months.So yeah,professional help, I'm a comin'!

[talaniman]

There is nothing wrong with getting a professional to guide you, one on one, through this process, Good idea, and good luck.

[jpm247]

Nothing wrong at all Kaneda.

Whatever works for you is all that matters.

Hang in there, there will be light at the end of the tunnel soon enough.

[bigbird213]

Kaneda, that's the right thing to do...

Not only will you get over the problems your having now, you will be learning skills that will carry you through the rest of your life..

-----
An update on me, going on somewhere around a month plus some of NC. I have been feeling good lately. Keeping busy, going out, talking to people I haven't talked to in years. It feels good to be building my network a little bigger.

Odd turn last night, ex's step sister told me that I "have to go to the bar" with her and her friends soon. Just as friends, don't worry, but she says she is making sure I have fun this summer as "I have been neglected of fun for quite some time".

Go figure...

[movinrightalong]

I wasn't and am not looking for a response.

I think that it was my way of saying that I'm done with you.

I have no intentions of talking to her again unless she makes contact. Even then, I doubt that I'll call her back. I am beginning to realize that she isn't worth my time and that I need to start looking forward instead of looking back.

I already realized that I don't want the relationship with her back because it wasn't as good as I thought it was while I was in it. It's just been hard to walk away from her and who she is. The thing is though, she is clearly not who she made herself out to be in the relationship and instead of still liking her, I am beginning to despise the person that she has become. Definitely not someone who I would deal with at the best of times. Maybe that's her way of dealing with the end maybe it's just her, but I don't need to worry about that. I just need to look out for me and that is what I have been starting to do.

Day 1 is now on. No time frame to talk to her again...

[nickshehe]

Good luck movinrightalong..
I was at the same stage too - I despise who she's turned into, but really - it doesn't matter.
I'm important (or in this case YOU) :P
I'll cross my fingers for you

[bigbird213]

but I don't need to worry about that. I just need to look out for me and that is what I have been starting to do.

Day 1 is now on. No time frame to talk to her again...

Exactly!!

I'm glad you've got your head on straight...

[chuff]

Sigh,today is the day i decided to seek professional help.Yes,indeed its THAT bad. While Losingit77 is slowly moving on 2 months after the break up of a 4+ year (was it?) relationship,i am in month 5 of my depression over losining a relationship of 5 (FIVE) months.So yeah,professional help, i'm a comin'!

I never understand why seeing a professional is considered a bad idea. There's nothing wrong at all with it and people who say otherwise are probably the ones who should see one the most. I had a friend who had some problems (not related to breakups, just overall depression) and I recommended therapy to her on several occasions. She kept telling me she couldn't because her mother would be upset. I kept pointing out she was 26 years old and her mother didn't control her anymore but she used that excuse and finally I said "if you broke your arm would your mother tell you not to see a doctor?" Of course not was the answer and the same can be said for emotional or psychological help. If something is wrong there is no shame in seeking out help to fix it.

Also, I just want to say as a non-professional your depression may not be linked to the breakup but something completely different.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Nothing to feel bad about with seeking the assistance of professional help... I have been going to a therapist for 2 years.. off and on. I have probably gone about 15 times in all. People always think that people that see a therapist have a screw loose, not the case, I would consider myself a normal guy and I find that a therapist could help a lot of people through their rough patches. I know I could get myself through all this on my own but talking with a trained professional has gotten me threw things quicker and with a better understanding of them. I mean my insurance pays for it so why not take advantage of a great tool. Funny thing is that I started seeing my therapist because of the turmoil my girlfriend has put me through, and every meeting with her has been about her... I mean that alone should let me know that I am way better off without her right??

[brian1231]

I have some small items from my ex (car remote, some vitamins etc... ). I have been NC with her for 1.5 months now. Should I just throw the items out, give them to a mutual friend and ask him to tell her that he has some of her stuff, or email her tell her that she can get her stuff from him?

What is deemed "proper" in this situation?

[bigbird213]

As long as they aren't valuable its probably safe to just get rid of them, or pack them away and wait to see if she wants them. If she hasn't brought them up yet, it probably isn't that important. I wouldn't initiate communication if your only a month and a half in, you can never be too careful.

Hang on to them and wait and see if she ever asks for them, or just throw them out. She went without them for a month and a half, I doubt they are that important.

[talaniman]

What is deemed "proper" in this situation?

Put them in a box and store them in a closet. For now, stay with no contact and heal, and let things concerning your ex, go until you are better able to deal with it. Not now.