[gg23]

That's a great post! You cover most what all of us at some point will have to go through after a break up!

[missdwhit]

Wow; first post I read. I was directed here by my mother as I'm going on week 2 of being dumped. You've said everything and anything that I wanted to hear. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

[friend4u178]

Wow; first post I read. I was directed here by my mother as I'm going on week 2 of being dumped. You've said everything and anything that I wanted to hear. Thank you, thank you and thank you.

Hi missdw
I'm glad this post helped you , there are many other good posts on this forum so keep reading.

I wish you luck :)

Ps: so your mother is a member on here?

[topsyturvy]

Hi friend that I spot on , the thing is I contacted my ex the other day after she broke up with a guy she was seeing staright after me and we are meeting up for a drink . I know I shouldn't do it but I just feel I have to for some reason

[britster]

I love what you have posted... as of today I just recently ended a almost 5 year relationship. It's the hardest thing I will ever do... He didn't make it any easier when he came over sobbing and asking me why or how I could do this. I feel in my heart its right for the molment I'm not giving the relationship the full 100 % that I should have been. Who knows if we will get back together I guess if its meant to be it will happen. As far as the contact thing goes I want to avoid him completely do you think that will last? Or do you think it is just because this is the very first day we broke up? This is so hard already and I think I'm in like shock even though I broke up with him... its kind of like it hasn't set in yet that I will no longer call him when I get off work or have movie night every Saturday night. Am I a horrible person I feel like I just murdered someone
Reading your post made me feel a little better knowing that its going to get better day by day I just don't know if I can control this hurt inside me

Please comment me back if you have anything else you think would help me

[dancerwriter]

Dear britster: why did you break up?

[britster]

dear britster: why did you break up?

I broke up with him because I feel like he is into the relationship 100% and I'm in it about 80 and that's not fair to him. He wants us to get a house together and get on with our future and to be honest with you... im sick of answerin to someone I love him so much but I want to be free and do my own thing.. I know "me and my boyfriend" I don't really know who me is. Its so hard to explain and its so hard to deal with this pain. I keep comferting myself by having the idea in my head were going to get back together but in reality I would really like to take a long break. As long as I keep that idea in my head... I won't feel the pain as much or so I think. I just hate this whole situation. Have you ever been through this?

Do you have any tips or anything to help?:confused:

[actlikemywife]

There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

It has been 2 weeks since I have seen my husband this time. I have given in and taken him back 10 x over the past 2 years. Although there were some good times, things never really changed. He would not live up to his promise to forgive, forget so we could move on. Thank you for this great post! I am definitely experiencing pain... I need to understand why. There are parts of me that know I was the culprit at times... I grew tired of trying. I am a basket case, even though I was the one who ultimately broke up with him. It really hurts. I miss him. I broke up with him for all of the right reasons, yes. I guess I am trying to say that it hurts because I believe love never ends, and I realize I was never really loved by him. I was conned. In the process I exposed the my deepest inner being and he responded with disrespect, verbal abuse and threats of violence. My intuition is telling me to expect an even bigger shock... I am not so sure if he may be seeing a "friend" of mine since she is avoiding me at all costs. Sometimes I feel like I am having a breakdown from all the bills and other times I feel confident and just don't care. I am so paranoid, I really can't wait till this passes. I guess it will get worse before it gets better. Letting go is serious business. I am in no condition to be myself with a new man... they would think I was a nutjob. You are so right about that. Doing something for yourself helps, but the pain has a way of creeping up on you.

[stephysteph8978]

Thank you this is exactly what I'm going through and I tell you it hurts like hell to face the reality that we might not ever get back together

[qetuo]

Simply amazing my buddy.. truly brilliant... I thought I was the only guy in the world going through the pains and heartburn all these painful days , but today I can console myself saying that it was completely natural and life needs me to carry on and move forward hoping for better days.. thanks pal..

After getting dumped I found a small solace to the huge loss I'm suffereing in my life...

[lillygreen]

I've been on this site for almost a month now. When I found it, I was sure that absolutely no one in the world had ever, or would ever, experience the pain that I was feeling after my break up. Funny. I found a virtual world full of folks who have gone through and experienced the same things and felt the same feelings that I did. That helped a lot.

So, for all you newbies who ask the questions, "Will the hurting ever stop," or "Will my ex come back," or "Why did he/she do this," this is how it typically goes down.

You two break up--doesn't matter who does it. You immediately panic and begin chasing, begging, pleading, harrassing, phoning, e-mailing, IMing, stalking (okay not all of them, just pick whichever one you did). Most of us will likely do some things during this stage that will make you cringe when you think back on it, say after about 3 months.

You lose weight. You neglect yourself, your house, your job (how many hours do we all log on this site while we are at work?). You drive your friends and family crazy talking about the break up. You cry at the drop of a dime. You can't even comprehend that your life might not again include that "special person." You begin putting them on a pedestal, forgetting all of the nagging things about them that used to drive you crazy. In your mind, they have become omnipotent, all encompasing, all everything.

You convince yourself that you are a loser who just screwed up a relationship with "the best person in the world." You KNOW without a doubt that you will never EVER love like that again. You know no one else will come along who even comes close to being as marvelous as your ex (excuse me while I chuckle to myself here). You wear a sad face for the world to see (you should see my work ID taken 2 days after my breakup, it's just pitiful).

They (the ex's) remain steadfast in their denial to get back together. Many of them leapfrog into new relationships, immediately being exclusive with a new person. For those that do leapfrog, they appear to just "replace" you with a new model. All of the things you two used to do, they now do with someone else. Bowling, cuddling watching television, motorcycle riding, antiquing. Whatever you two did, likely they will just begin doing those things with someone new.

You hear about them and their new life. You are desperate for any crumbs of news about their life. Many of us make things worse here by trying to use manipulation to get them back--yet they stay away from us like we are the plague.

For those of us who do still have contact with our ex's we begin selling ourselves short. Doing stupid things like allowing them access to our bodies and then wanting to strangle them afterward when they remind us that "Sex does not imply hope."

You, in further panic mode, begin frantically searching the internet using phrases such as "break ups," "divorce stopper," whatever. You stumble upon this site, because your curious and lo and behold, you find all of us folks in various stages of this whole breakup bullsh*t.

You voraciously read the posts. You search for news of those who "got their mates back." You're on the site constantly. You'll read the books and think "Ah I can do this. I can get this person back." You begin your "no contact" and for some of us, this will get a reaction from our ex's. For the rest, no contact is and will continue to be what you'll get and receive.

Time goes by. You'll do some stupid things. You'll call your ex when you shouldn't. You'll call when you've had to much to drink. You'll call even after 50 people on this site tell you not to. You'll show up on their doorstep, hating yourself all the time. Then you'll come back to this site and ask everyone to tell you why you were so stupid as to do whatever it was you did.

Then you'll get serious about no contact. This is where you LET GO , It'll hurt, but you try to stick to it. Here's the turning point for most. For those folks who have contact with their ex's, your no contact will either bring them sniffing curiously around or they'll be somewhere high fiving their friends thanking the God's that you haven't called.

Now's the tough time. Nothing but time works. Everday the ache in your heart grows a little less. It's only nanobits that it dies down by. But everyday it will get slowly better. You'll have setbacks. You'll run into your ex accidently. You'll run into mutual friends who'll tell you something about your ex that'll have you high-tailing it home for a good cry. You'll see your ex with their new "friend." You'll receive a phone call or an e-mail from your ex who "doesn't want to be in a relationship but still wants to be friends (with benefits if you allow).

Here's another important part. You need to truly sit down and truthfully look back at the relationship and understand what you did to help with it's demise. If you miss this part, you go through all the suffering for nothing because Buddy, you'll be back here again. This site is to teach you about you. To teach you how to be a better partner, a better person. Missing that lesson is detrimental to the whole process. It's the REASON that you're going through this. God (or whatever your higher power is) needed you to learn something about YOU. Don't miss out on the lesson.

Then one day you'll smile because you didn't immediately check your answering machine when you came in. And one day you'll decide to clean the muck that has accumulated in your house. And one day you'll go outside and admit to the universe that you surrender what control you thought you had.

And one day you'll decide to date again. And one day you'll go out on your first date and it will likely be a disaster. And then you'll either force yourself to continue dating or you'll decide that you aren't ready to date but you are ready to be out amongst people again. And many of you will have some quick reconcillations with your ex's. Many of us won't. But one day, it won't matter as much. Because time will allow you to catch yourself going minutes and then hours without thinking of the ex. And you'll begin to be able to think of life possibly without that person and not dissolve into a puddle of nothingness because of the thought.

And for most of us, sadly, life will go on without that mate. That's the truth, amigos. Don't want to dash your hopes but probably less than 3% of the people on this site get back with their mates. Sobering isn't it? But, as the site instructs, you must accept this before you can truly begin to heal or draw your ex back to you. For the lucky (maybe unlucky one's depending on how much work it will take to keep a mate that has wandered back) who get back with their ex's, many will find that the paradise they envisioned isn't reality and what they once thought was gold has a certain tarnish to it now. But they stay and try and make it work because it's comfortable or, if they are really lucky, it's meant to be.

But for most of us. Life goes on. And one day you'll find yourself having a gut busting laugh over something totally stupid and you'll think to yourself "I am getting better." And finally (thank God) you'll have sex with some new and find that a) if it wasn't good, at least you did it or b) it was so much better than with your ex you wonder why you waited so long to get back out there. And you'll know you're one the road to recovery.

I guess what I'm trying to convey here is, while each situation is unique, the characteristics of most of our situations are the same. Most of us will go through at least something that I've written here. So, when someone tells you on this site that time will help you get through it, believe them. When they tell you that "trust me, it will get better and you will stop hurting eventually," believe them. And when they give you good advice that your head understands but your heart rejects, take a moment to think before you react.

Don't beat yourself up if you do something that you wished you hadn't (calling, contacting, etc) WE ALL DID AT ONE TIME OR ANOTHER. Be kind to yourself. Be forgiving of yourself. And most of all remember that being happily single is an alternative. Even if society is beating it into your head that you MUST have a mate, take some time to heal before going back out there. There are plenty of good people to love, but don't go back out there broken, jaded about love, etc. Accept realty. Experience the pain. Learn the lesson. Actively try to heal. Remember the person you were when you first met your ex and get that person back.

And the universe will take care of the rest."

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO COMMENT!!!

That was so nice to read that everyone bascially goes through the same things... but it still does hurt... lots:(

[movinrightalong]

Friend.

Thank you.

I have read this several time over and can't seem to get enough of it. During such a difficult time in my life, this really spurs on hope for my future and what to expect of the rough times that I am going to experience. I expect to refer back to this time and time again to keep my head straight and my thoughts focused.

[friend4u178]

Friend.

Thank you.

I have read this several time over and can't seem to get enough of it. During such a difficult time in my life, this really spurs on hope for my future and what to expect of the rough times that I am going to experience. I expect to refer back to this time and time again to keep my head straight and my thoughts focused.

Hi moving
I'm glad this helped you to some extent as it has so many others. There is some real good reading on this site so do so , it will help you not only to understand that your not alone in having these feelings but also how to minimise the pain to a certain extent.

I wish you luck , it's not easy my friend but there are some wonderful people on here that you can just vent to and ask advise off as you go through this journey.

[movinrightalong]

Thank you friend.

I know it's a long road, but I am still young and in good shape so until it hit some mountains, it should be a good hike of life. I'll just have to remember to stop every now and then to admire the beauty of the scenery.

[susangpyp]

Yes, vent and ask for advice. Sometimes people look back on a horrific breakup and realize it's the best thing that could have EVER happened!!

Be good to you!!
Susan

[sara2505]

THat was amazing.

That was true insight.

Thank you so, so much.

I feel a little light flicker inside me now, it's the determination that I will NOT let this change me, and I WILL be happy as I deserve to be.

Any tips for when you break up with someone when u still love them, but you know its for the best? I find I keep telling myself I should have "held on a little longer"...

[talaniman]

THat was amazing.

That was true insight.

Thank you so, so much.

I feel a little light flicker inside me now, its the determination that i will NOT let this change me, and I WILL be happy as I deserve to be.

Any tips for when you break up with someone when u still love them, but you know its for the best?? I find I keep telling myself I should have "held on a little longer"....

Click on the No Contact Calender in my signature. You will understand your not alone in the way you feel.

[f104]

Excellent and thank you. Sounds like you are familiar with 12 steps.

[cheesseball]

That is so true I laugh looking back at it
I just wish it was there for me like three years ago when I really needed it ! l.o.l
I hope more people read this and it gets through to them it will save them a lot of heart break...

[starlite1]

That was truly great, friend4u!! Thank you so much for writing this! I know I am in the beginning stages of the healing process, but reading your post is so inspirational to me. Thank you!!