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Pretty long story
Im 24 y/o and my girlfriend of a year just broke up with me saying she needs time to be alone. She has known me all her life and told me she has always had a crush on me. We've know each other since kids from birthday parties and stuff. 4 years ago we saw each other at a wedding for the first time in years and we both immediately felt a connection. We began talking and going out occasionally and things were going well until she felt like getting serious and become official. I was only 6 or 7 months out of another relationship were that girl had cheated on me. So I really wasn't looking for another relationship. I slowly began drifting away calling once or twice a week and then we just stopped completely. I continued going out with my friends and having fun. Not necessarily hooking up with anyone but just having fun. She rebounded on some guy and they were together for about a year plus, but she ended it with him because he was too possesive telling her how to dress and being jelous and stuff, one day they had an argument and he kicked her out of his car and she left him for good. I had not even thought about her fopr a while until one day I decided to call her. She was surprised and happy to hear from me. We had actually been talking a bit before she and her boyfriend broke up. I would ask her to hang out but said she couldn't because she had a boyfriend. I thought that was amazing. Aside from being in a diminishing relationship she did not agree to go out with me because she hhad a boyfriend. As soon as they broke up we began dating again and it was soooo perfect. I had been single for 2 years now and was ready to be in a relationship again. 2 months later we became official. Since we had known each other for so long it felt so right to be together. She was a virgin as well. She wanted to remain that way till marriage. We talked about it and she finally decided that I was the one she wanted to lose her virginity to. I was flattered to have the opportunity. So I became her first. We were together for 6 months with no problems or fights ever. Then we began to have little disagreements here and there but nothing serious. We were picture perfect till the 9th month. Certain number of events led to us having a HUGE fight where I cussed at her and accused her of cheating on me because she was acting weird.. (like my last chick). She was hurt that I said that and we broke up. I should have just given her space there but I didn't. I made the mistake of trying to be friends. And we did. Slowly we began going out again, coming over each others houses, and having sex. We were back together just without the title. And its been amazing since then. I opened up to her since she felt like she was the only one putting into the relationship. I told her it was because I had been hurt before and I was protecting myself from being hurt again so I had built a bit of a wall around me. I brought that wall down because I knew she was worth it and I knew I didn't want to lose her. Another reason for the break up was that she said I had anger problem. Says I yell and scream when I am mad and is afraid of how I would get in the future. I realized it and corrected it. We had not fought since then. Last week we spent and amazing night by the beach. I bought her a lot of stuff and dinner and we walked around and kissed and hugged and had a great time. She wrote me a letter saying how happy she was with how much closer we had gotten lately and realized she does need me in her life and does love me and wanted to be with me. She was just waiting to do something special for me. She just hoped that all the changes I had made would not disappear once we had gotten together again. The very next day after the beach we go to her friends party. She had not seen her friends for like 2 months. We get there and she basically forgets about me. About an hour later I leave to go to the store and she finds out and is mad because I didn't tell her I was going. I told her it was because she had not even paid attention to me for the past hour. We started to argue and finally she decided to leave the party and go home. Silence all the way. When I drop her I decide to try and talk about it. I explained that I didn't want her to be next to me the whole time it just would have been nice if she would have checked on me from time to time like I do when I take her with MY friends. She got mopre upset and walked out of my car saying f#$% you! I peeled out and left. She ran in the house telling her parents "see, he's never gonna change!" of course they baby her since she is the youngest and only daughter. An yway in closing, 3 days later after I apologized to her repeatedly she told me that she just does not want to deal with guy drama. That she was confused and felt like she was not ready for all this and just wanted to be alone and go to school and hang out with her friends. Now it took me a bit of work to get intimate with her so I know that she will not be out there sleeping around which makes me feel a bit better. Only reason she gave it up to me sha says is because she thought that was the only way to keep me and because she thought I was the one she was going to marry. So I KNOW she loves me and care about me, so why break it off? She erased all our pix from her my space, took me off the top friends, and wrote " it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life" as her headline. How do you do a 180 like that? I'm confused, hurt, angry, sad, and hopeful all at the same time. Most of my friends say she will call in due time. But I don't. She is pretty strong willed but who knows. I'm not going to call or do anything. Its all on her now. Im open to any opinion and/or advice... sorry I wrote so much.
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Wow, you must feel very strongly about this girl and w/e it is you have with her to take the time and write this, let alone think about it. But it seems you guys care for each other but are somehow unsure of certain things in your "relationship". It sounds like you guys have something but are not quite sure what to make of it, if that makes sense. Maybe time is what you guys need from each other to sort things out, try not to rush it. Maybe try to be friends for a while and not be boyfriend an girlfriend every time your together,even though I'm sure that's hard. Do you feel as though the only reason you two occasionally get back together is because of the sex, or do you really feel like "damn, maybe this is the girl for me"? u know. Obviously in life couples fight for the stupidest things, that's just only natural, but is it constant fights like "I love you, but damn I can't take it anymore, like fed up and never when try again or just angry at the time and regret the fights? It sounds as though you guys might truly love each other and you will wind up together, if not things happen for a reason and I'm sure you will find someone.
Good luck, and I hope I was some sort of help. Stephanie |
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DO NOT CONTACT HER!! She still loves you
Her saying A new chapter in her life well she istrying to move on.. very similar to my ex the are very strong willed and have aloy of morls and beliefs she will now believe things like when she is ready she will meet someone else and she is attempting to move on!! Any contact made by youat this stage will only have a negaitive effect and push her further away. SHE needs time on her own and only this will let her feel the void which syou will leave in her life and is your only hope of making her realise you wre the one... So you must act like its over delete everything of hers and never call and don't be a wimp and answer her calls!! She's done for now uintil she comes chasing you back your done with her mate!! |
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mckenzie134, after all I've read on this site it seems like that is the best idea. I will definitely not call. I've been good so far. Not a text, email, call, letter, NOTHING. Reading this site has helped a lot and I appreciate your input! We'll see what happens...
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 Originally Posted by Midnight16
Thanks Stephanie! To answer your question, I have never just been with her for sex. Sure it was GREAT, but that wasn't it. I even told her after thje first time we broke up that if she wanted to leave the sex out for a bit then I was OK with it because I wanted her to see that I'm with her because I love her as a whole, not just for the sex. Its just that she does not know how to communicate. Without that a relationship is NOTHING! Her way of fixing things is NOT dealing with them. She just avoids and says I don't want to talk about it. Another thing is her parents baby her tooo much. Any little problemshe faces she will run to the parents and they rub her head and tell her things are going to be OK instead of telling her she needs to confront and deal with problems. Better to learn that slowly while young than learn it hard and fast when older I say. I told her every relationship has problems. The difference is how you deal with them, and she'd rather hold it in than talk about it and hold a grudge. Look, she is a very smart girl. As far as school, family, and friends she has her head on straight. But in the relationship she feels like she is always right, its always her way, sorry's don't fix the problem, and basically I feel like she is looking for a guy to treat her like daddy does. Well good luck with that! Hopefully she will learn and realize what she is doing and come back because I really feel like she's the one and I know she does too but she's prob scared and confused... we'll just have to wait and see I guess. But thank you for your input I really appreciate it! So how are you.. LOL! |
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Just reminding you DO NOT ANSWER... Do not think cause she is calling you she wants you back!! As hard as it will be do not answer for at least 1 week let her know you do not stand for this treatment.
One thing you cannot believe which you will is if I don't answer maybe she will move on or crack the sooks and this is what she will tell you... And you will probably believe it. Once you avoid her calls she will tell you things like well how can we be expected to work it out if we don't talk!! Wrong she wanted space and cause you give her that space she now WANTS to talkk!! Then you talk and she feels better you feel craper and she is OK!! SO don't do it too yourself at least a week of no answering!! SHOW HER YOUR IN CHARGE YOU Don't NEED THESE GAMES!! Then answer and tell her yourve been busy she wanted the break and your fine with that niow... |
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How old is this girl?
I say leave her alone. This something she has to deal with on her own. She will either discover you are not the one for her o she will come back. |
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Why would you want someone back who wants a break anyway?? Idf they need a break they are not into you...
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Originally Posted by Homegirl 50
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Originally Posted by mckenzie134
I see your point, but the fact is that I still love her and I know she does too but is too young to understand the fact that you can't al,ways run from problems but instead learn to talk about them, resolve them, and learn from them and move on. |
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Yes she is young and she wants to live and experience things. I think you are wanting to mold her and make her someone you think she should be. She needs to grow up on her own and be happy being her. I think you should just leave her alone. She may have discovered that you are not the person for her, or the one she wants to be with. She may not want to be tied to one person at this time in her life.
Leave her be. |
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Are you girls really serious?
Is she serious?
My ex and I broke up about 2 months ago. But I insisted on not giving up so I kept talking to her and we agreed to keep things at a friends level at least since that's the way we started in the first place. She agreed. We continued talking and eventually hanging out again but she felt different. We still said I love you but she didn't call me baby, or my love, or any of the little names she normally would. In time she did. But the affection wasn't there like usual. I would be the one to initiate a kiss or a hug or even sex. She did ONCE! I felt like I was giving it my 100% and she was at 90%. Last week we had an argument that got pretty heated and she got upset and decided we should not continue anymore. I tried again to talk sense into her but got nowhere. She said she was tired of guy drama and just wants to be alone. I told her that running does not fix problems, but she wasn't hearing it. She said she was confused and "not ready for all this" and just wants to be alone for now. NOw here is the thing, she has liked me since we were kids. What we had was completely different (in a good way) than any relationship we'd ever had. Never really fought, always had a great time. We talked about our future and kids and stuff like that. Both of our families completely love and approve our relationship. We have a connection and love with each other like we have never had with ANYONE ELSE EVER! While we were broken up she told me that she had seen a lot of changes in me for the good and hoped I would not go back to the old me when we got back together. That she realized how much she really loves me and wants to be with me and apologized for the hard time she had given me the last month and does not want to fight anymore but just be happy. So things were GREAT till last weeks fight. Then she decided to give up for some reason and say she just wants to be alone and not deal with any guy drama. My question for you ladies (or guys) is, can she really go from a love for me so great that she would give me her virginity and talking about future and kids and good times and kissing and hugging and ALL those childhood feelings to saying I just want to be alone? Is she just making that decision because she is upset right now and does not like to deal with problems or is she really trying to move on? Her my space is now at single, removed me from top friends, erased our pix, and her headline says "it is the beginning of a new chapter in my life". Is she just doing that because she know id look at it? Is all this just out of anger? ANYONE out there that has gone through a similar situation? Please let me know... by the way she turned 20 in May. |
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I know how you feel, the thing is... you got to give her space man. I know you're all jumbled up inside, but my girlfriend and I are both 19, and burning the candle from both ends with school and work is hard enough as is. You want her to know you care about her without being the main presence in her life. (good advice from someone posting on my thread) she's 19 and doesn't know what she wants in life, and why should she? Talking about kids and the future is cool and all... but it's a scary thing. Don't speak about the future or wanting to get married.
Give her space, let her miss you, and cut contact for a while. Do whatever you got to do to better yourself in the meantime, the more she sees you as being successful, the more attractive you're going to be and the happier she will be if she is with you. If she doesn't come back, then it wasn't meant to be and you will feel better off later... trust me. Go out and date if you want to, just don't mope around feeling sorry for yourself, you didn't do anything wrong. Someone else told me that a relationship is like a rowboat, what happens when only one person row's? You spin around in circles and get tired and frustrated. When both people row, you go smoothly to where you want to be. You got to figure out who's rowing. Don't worry about this myspace crap either. It's taken WAY too seriously. So what if you're not in her top friends? So what if she writes single... technically you are right now, change your page to single, add your closest friends to the top (I actually hid my list... I hate how people get all pissy about not being there... so no one is a top friend lol) You're both young, go have fun. In the end everything will turn out great, if she is still contacting you, ignore her a bit. If she shoots you a text or something, wait like a half hour and just say hey or something and that you have some business to attend to. Don't say I love you, and don't say you miss her... as much as you want to. She asked for space, so give her it. Also, don't feel like it's your fault... you have no reason to go to her and try to reason with her. You did your work in the relationship and friendship and have nothing to prove to her. Let the relationship do it's work. Hope it helps, Kevin |
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Many girls... guys too, but people in general after high school tend to drop the person they have dated because they need to explore what else is out there. She may come back or she may not but from the history it sounds like you have, she will always be a part of your life. I would respect her wishes and let her do her thing. I remember when I was 19 (I'm 28 now) I was dating this guy for a year and then started college and meeting new people and we went from a monogamous relationship to a casual one because I did not want to miss out on whatever else is out there.
Although its hard, try not to look at her myspace, take her off your top friends so you cannot see when she is online and be tempted to look at her profile. Don't erase her from your life, but be there as much as she wants you to be. Don't sit around and wait for her either though. Go see what else is there for you too. There is a very big world out there. |
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LOL, I'm doing great, Thank you for asking, hope you are doing well. Well now that you say that, I don't think she's trying hard enough. I mean no offense in all, but I agree with you 100% that communication along with trust is everything in a relationship. I know you love her and all but if she is not going to try and resolve you guys problems with you and just act childish and talk to her parents when she should be talking to you about your problems, well then maybe you should try to find someone who will take the time to try to make it work with you. From what I have read so far you seem like a really good,nice guy who is giving someone love who is not trying to give it back. You seem more devoted to you guys then she does. As I'm sure you know it takes TWO to make it work, I hope something works out for you. You seem to be a smart enough guy to know what to do in the end.
Steph |
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Originally Posted by Midnight16
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That girl is only 20 years old. She does not want to be tied down and you want her to grow up and be what you think she should be. You sound very controlling and maybe she does not want to be controlled she has probably realized that on her own, so her decision to leave you was a mature one. Leave her alone and let her grow up.
You may very well be a nice guy, but you may not be the guy for her. |
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I think you should give her what she ask for, and leave her alone to do her thing, and you should move on, as its such a waste to wait on a maybe that might not come.
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Holy cow... I am only 15 but here I go. Hear me out I understand her feelings. I am still in love with one of my friends ex's for 4 and a half years now. But I would never kiss him even if he tried. See I think running away for some people means a clean slate I honestly think that you two having "intercourse" before marriage is a big mistake. Nobody should. But I think she might be serious. If she's playing a game then o well
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I hate to break it to you, but it sounds like there's another guy involved. Either way, when a girl starts to pull away, you need to respond in kind. Start doing things with other people and building a life without her. In time she may miss you and begin chasing you or she may not. Either way, you've got to look after yourself first and do what's right for you.
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