[ejc000]

I want to know if anyone can tell my future, I am 26 years old. Every minute of my life feels like is a regretful moment ever since I comminted a stupid mistake when I was 17 years old. Sometimes I feel that death is the solution, but I am working on a project that can probably change the course of my life. What should I do?

[Clough]

Considering death is never the way to go. It is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. We all have ups and downs in our lives. It is how we deal with them that is a big part of determining what kind of person we are. Everyone has "skeletons in their closets." You can always "turn your scars into stars." But, you can't give up. You must move forward.

I would suggest that you keep working on the project that you think can probably change the course of your life. You will meet with failures as well as obstacles, that is a part of life. If you persist with what you are doing, as long as it is a positive thing for you as well as others, then I think that you will succeed.

[Clough]

I am wondering what the thing is that you did when you were 17 that is so oppressive in your thoughts, if you wouldn't mind sharing?

[ejc000]

The problem with my scar is that it is self diminishing when I think about it. And I have a hard time turn it into a star. Because even when I move on from it, just thinking that I have been there once it makes want to hate myself. It's something I am really shameful about.

[Clough]

Is this problem in your past something that makes it hard for you to obtain employment in any type of job where you have the skills or experience for the job?

You mention that you move on from it. If you have moved on, then I wouldn't think that it shouldn't be a problem, unless it hinders your possibility for employment. Or, maybe perhaps what someone might think of you in a relationship if you talk about your past and choose to be totally upfront about everything if what you did could have a negative affect on the relationship unless you don't tell the other person about it. It's not always necessary to tell everyone we are involved with, everything about our past, unless their not knowing about it could put them in some kind of danger.

[ejc000]

Well it's not employment at all, it's my relationship with people and the person I want to be with. See, I could talk my way for a few minutes in an interview, and in most cases do pretty well. The case of the matter is when I let people into my world, and they feel like getting to know me a little better. I start panicking because sometimes my mind wonders where it hurts more just to fulfill that everything it's all right in my psycho stage. That's when I start running away from relationships that I could had the possibility to built onto.
I lost many chances due this trauma, and as much as I want to move away from it, it keeps coming back. It turns into a stress problem when it comes in letting others learn more about myself.

[ejc000]

Clough are you sitekick?

[Clough]

I'm sure that I'm not "sitekick" whatever that means. I am here to help you the best that I can, when I can. There are quite a few others on this site who would be willing to help you as well. Hopefully, they will show up to do just that. We all give of our time to help when help is needed. We just aren't all here all of the time.

You mention a "psycho stage." Would you mind explaining that in a little more detail? Thank you. No one knows your identity on this site, where you live or who you are, other than by the moniker that you use. It would be really helpful for people trying to help you, if you would reveal something more about what you did in the past. Please do so.

Allusions to it are not going to cut it for people that might try to help you in figuring out how to help you with your problem.

[Wondergirl]

I strongly suggest you keep working on the project that could change the course of your life.

Would you be willing to divulge a bit of information about it? Maybe that would help others who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide or even just poor self-esteem.

[talaniman]

You haven't given a lot of information to go on but, it sounds as if you may be afraid to let people get to close to you, and I would really like to hear more about this thing your working so hard to not let people know about. Some times what seems so terrible and bad, is not to others, but our mind makes us do many things, and behave in ways we think are protecting us, even though we need no protection. More info is needed, but I'm betting you are not alone with your feelings. I am also curious about the plan you have in mind to change the course of your life.

[ky37m]

Everyone is giving really sound advice... let me add to it.
It sounds like your devastated by whatever happened, but dude, I promise you that whatever it was that happened to you, has happened to someone else. And take it from me, we all go down wrong paths sometimes, but ending your life will not heal you. No way dude, that is "game over". Nothing good would come of that. We are human and we make mistakes, but mistakes are an important part of who we are... they allow us to grow, and become better. I wish that you would open up to us and let us try and help. No judging here... promise

[ejc000]

Well its hard to heal from something that affects your integrity and makes you deviate from your regular personality. In one way if you make a small mistake it won't hurt or cause your personality to deviate. But on the other hand, if you make a mistake that goes against your values it will devastate you a lot. It will kill that wonderful personality or character that you are. There is no way of telling when will this end. Most people become frustrated and overwhelmed for making too much effort to co-exist with society. It's endless, that feels no coming back to reality. One way to put it it's like losing yourself, and that's basically all one has. You need yourself to live, to enjoy terrible weather or good weather. So it's a little bit hard to turn you scars into stars, and also to become entirely yourself again, and it creates a lot of insecurity around others. It's basically like not having a future, but yet you are alive. See I learned this the hard way people are like words and each of us has different defenitions. The problem starts when when we add a terrible defenition in our conscious. That's something you can't away from because now you have a new meaning, and there's no one to help get out of that hole. You have to put twice the effort that you normally do to reflect a healthy persona to others. Sometimes you can't enjoy the good moments due to this effort, life really becomes tasteless.

[cal823]

You can do it man! Whatever it is, you can overcome it! You sound like a really smart guy, and you can do anything you put your mind too, just try not to focus on the bad, on the zit on someone's face, or the scracth in the paint, and focus on the good, the unblemished area of skin, the rest of the paint, the beautiful rain or the awesome friends.
Don't let life get tasteless! Its not meant to be tasteless, its meant to be bittersweet, a bittersweet symphony of beauty and sorrow and pain and love and joy, but try to get over the sorrow and pain, and get more of the love and joy, hold your head up high, look people in the eyes.
And guess what. Whatever you did, whatever your issues are, any people who will let your bad traits define who you are to them, are not worth the time.
Don't define yourself by what others expect of you, you do not need to conform, just be yourself, don't fit into the mold! Instead, be the one who affects and shapes the lives of others through your good deeds! Be yourself, be confident, be positive, look people in the eyes, and try hard, and you cannot fail, because, the only true failure, is when you give up. Don't think that death is a way out, it won't undo the bad things in your life, death does not bring freedom, because your only choices are in life, and I believe that as a christian. Who believes in heaven and hell, because I believe that the gift of life is the gift of free will and choice, and the ability to enrich the lives of others.
Not sure if that helps, I hope it does...

[Clough]

Some of us here are waiting for you to share what it is that you did when you were 17 years old that you think was a stupid mistake. It would help people to help you if you would elaborate on it some. I have also asked some people to help in answering your post. Some of them have been willing to do that. See how much caring you are getting on this site? If you want attention, then you are getting it. If you want help, then people will do their best to try to help you. You are getting free, possible help here. All of us who try to give you advice would appreciate you taking that into consideration. We just aren't all able to be logged on to this site at the same time.

Please elaborate on the thing that you think was a stupid mistake. Thank you.

[Clough]

View Profile: ejc000
ejc000
New Member
Last Activity: Today 11:08 PM

And now, he's gone again.

Please share with us what is at the heart of your problem. It would be appreciated by those who are making the effort to help you.

[cal823]

I don't see why anyone would judge you for something you did over 9 years ago

[ky37m]

ejc000,
It sounds to me like you are your own worst enemy... but heck, aren't we all?
You will judge yourself more harshlyl than anyone, but dude, you have to listen to this;
Regardless of the mistake, there are several things you have to consider; you were 17!
Almost a man, but still a child. Hell I'm almost 40 and still learning. You can't define yourself by one mistake, or several. Who we really are is people stumbling around on this planet, doing the best that we can with what we have. That doesn't excuse our mistakes, but I really think that we are defined by the good that's in our hearts. I don't know what you did, that's not really the issue, perhaps if we knew, we could give more sound advice, but the real issue is coming to terms with your past, forgiving yourself, learning from mistakes and trying like hell to live and love better. Talk to us. I will post an email add or phone number if that's what it takes. Take care

[ejc000]

I have already coment on what's it's been requested but on a private testimony.

[ejc000]

Clough have you read my testimony?

[Clough]

I have already coment on what's it's been requested but on a private testimony.

Clough have you read my testimony?

If you mean have I read something that you have sent to me privately? No, I haven't. I have not received any private messages from you.