[WhatHaveIDone]

I moved to Canada (a new country) to be with this man that I love... I sold my house... spent all my money on immigration and moving... made my kids change schools... and all along thought since he is a really good man its for the better. My kids will have the father they deserve (my ex hasn't been around for years) and I will have a happy marriage. In my head it was all a story book ending.

I finished my masters degree and got a job offer and moved... I got nervous to do it and he said it was best and I should... he assured me it was the right choice. So now I have been here 6 months and we still aren't married... and he said to me in a conversation "if we get married" so I said you mean when we get married. He actually sent me an email telling me that he hadn't decided if he was going to marry me and its still a 50/50 chance etc. I got upset.

Now I have ruined everything that I worked long and hard for... and given up everything... to be with him and he isn't even sure he wants me.

I can't go back to my family, with yet another failed relationship. I don't want to stay here... I don't even like it here... I was only staying to be with him. I don't want to tell my kids that this man I let them know and love has decided he isn't sure if he wants us.

I am I think mentally ill, I am a pretty smart girl and I don't usually entertain thoughts of killing myself... but lately I sit and think about sinking to the bottom of the lake. I walk on the shore a lot now... and this is what I am thinking while I am there... logically its kind of sick and I don't think I would do that. But sometimes I am crying and so hysterical and I go into the water just to see how long I can stay down... but I always come back.

I can't even get up for work... the alarm goes off and I hit snooze until 11 am... and this is my dream job. I dreamed about working for this company all through grad school... and I don't even care. Everything seems to be so hard... even taking a shower and getting ready for work its just too much... even eating... I don't even eat it takes too much energy. I have become like a walking zombie, I don't work out, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to go anywhere. I am going out of town for work next week and I just need to find a way that I don't have to go.

I should have never come here... I was supposed to start work on my PhD in the fall... I had a home that my kids liked and when had lived there for 8 years... I had all of my family within 15 minutes of me (although there were times I wished I didnt).

I just wanted to get married and have more kids and sit on the porch with my husband growing old together. I don't want degrees or a career, yet that seems to be what I can do... I want to be married and that seems to be where I fail miserably. I don't want to live the rest of my life like this, I cant.

[seenbutnotheard]

Take a deep breath, time is the answer.

[AKaeTrue]

If you are so unhappy, perhaps you should except this as a bump in the road and return home to your family.
It's better you find out now rather than after you're married.
You sacrificed a lot for this man... now it's time for you to take it back.
You are obviously smart and successful!
If you are unhappy there and don't like it and the guy isn't "sure", then who cares what your family thinks about you having another failed relationship...
They probably won't think anything of it, they'll probably just be happy that you returned home.
You can tell them it was your decision to leave because you were unhappy there - that would be the truth...

You sound like your depressed and really unhappy.
Time to rethink and gather your thoughts... What's more important?
You can do this!

[tawnynkids]

My dear you have allowed someone else to be in charge of your emotional well being. You need to take it back. Only you can determine what happens in your life, only you can decide to be happy or not. If you let someone else be in control of that you will likely be let down. It is okay to make mistakes, you are human. And yes sometimes you will suffer and sometimes your children will as well because of them.

I did something similar, thinking this guy was great and we would have the happily ever after. Moved my kids, quit my job... we did marry but it didn't work anyway. Know what? My kids are fine. They know I love them and that I make mistakes. We hold on to each other to get through the tough times. Hold on to your kids.

You sound like I did years ago, in a depression. Not one that comes and goes but one that stays. I had to go on meds for a bit. I had been under such stress for so long that the chemicals in my body got out of whack and I needed the extra help. I don't like meds but they did help in getting me through a really rough period in my life when everything seemed hopeless and it seemed I would never be able to climb out of the bottom of the pit I was living every day.

You can and will be all right. In all reality he hasn't said he doesn't want you. He said he doesn't know if he wants to get married. So it isn't the end right? But even if it is, you can pull out of it. Talk to your doctor about maybe taking something for depression and see if you can talk to a counselor. Sometimes everyone needs someone to talk to and that can be really helpful.

Don't let this guy be the end of the world for you. Don't let him determine how the rest of your life will go or whether you will be happy or not. You need to be happy with you and who you are whether you end up with him or not. You need to breathe and move forward one step at a time, one day at a time. But your kids needs you, so you need to be as strong as you can. Allow yourself bad days, wake up the next day and try again. One foot in front of the other.

It's hard not to be impatient or crushed when things don't turn out the way we'd hoped. But it doesn't have to be and should not be the end of the world. You have a lot to keep going forward for. You sound like a great mom who like SO many of us are just trying to give our children the best we can. But bottom line is you and your love is truly all they really need to be happy. So don't worry so much about disappointing them, they will be okay. They aren't anywhere near as disappointed as you think. I'll bet if they are like mine they are far more worried about you and how you are feeling. They just want their mom to be happy. You need to take care of you so you can be there for them.

I don't know if any of this has helped in anyway. But do know that people care, even if we don't know you. You can do this! And you will be okay!

[Marily]

It seems like you have put your happiness in this man's hands. Look at the sunny side of life, you still have your kids and a nice job, being depressed like this is not going to solve anything it could only influence your health.