[clarissa28]

ESSAY 1: ILLUSTRATION
PEOPLE THAT INSPIRE OTHERS
Introduction
To be a hero is to inspire and help others. Here are three people that inspire others. The first person I choose to write about is my son. The second person saved the life of someone else. The last person is Oprah Winfrey who uses her popularity to inspire others.

I have a son name Cameron. He’s five years old and is about 4 feet” 1 inch and weights 62 lb. He’s a caring and friendly child. If you were to see him, you would not know he has Congenital Glaucoma in both eyes and low vision. Sent the age of seven months Cameron had numerous operations to relieve the pressure from his eyes. As much pain and suffering he’s been through he always have a smile on his face. He goes out his way to help others. Cameron helps children in his class that is handicap. He plays with them and makes them feel special. Even through he can loss his vision at any time, that dose not stop him from help others. He inspire me to always keep my head up and to help others no matter how bad life maybe.

Six months ago on the train in New York a gentlemen save the life of another person. He was wait for the train to arrive when he saw the young man past out and fall on to the train tracks. He did not think and jump in after the boy. He pushes the young man to the middle of the train tracks and laid over him as the train pasted. He save the youngster form dying. I think it was heroic of him to save the young man life. He put someone life first over his own. That makes him a hero.

Oprah Winfrey is a heroics person because she uses her popularity to inspire and help others. She had a trouble youth. When she was young someone in our family molested her. She also experimented with sex and drugs, until she give birth to a baby that died. After this Oprah changed her life. She went to school and received good grades because of her father’s discipline.
Oprah was a radio host, news anchor until she became a talk show host and actress. In her shows she uses her life experience to help others. Last year she opened three schools in Africa to help educate and inspire the girls that attend. Oprah shows heroism because she gives back to her community and inspires other to do the same.

These three people inspire me in many different ways. From my son I learn to always look at the glass full, not empty and not to let an illness stop you. I also learn to help other it will make you a better person. From the gentleman on the train I learn not to be selfish and to take care of others. Oprah taught me to always believe in yourselves and to give back to your community to make it a better place.

ESSAY 2 DEFINING:
When were youngsters we believe that superman, batman, other characters on TV were heroes. As we grow older we believe that police officers, firefighters, doctors, teachers and our parents were heroes. In our teenage years we truly started understanding what a hero is or heroism was and how this people are heroes. We start realizing that heroes are in all aspect of your lives. A hero can be anyone in your life who inspires you. In New York you in counter many inspiring people.

As a New Yorker I encountered many heroes with many qualities. . To be a hero you should poses some of these qualities: understanding, strength, honesty and intelligence. The Firefighters and Police officers pose these qualities because they risk their lives to save and help the lives of others on nine eleven heroes. These man and woman did not hesitate to put their lives on the line. New York also has many artist and musician. They use there talents to help and show the youngsters of New York how art and music can help you and improve your skills. Then you have doctors who are honest. They help save lives on a daily base. Then there’s Teachers that touch the heart of our kids. Teachers inspire you to want to learn. But their one set of heroes that no matter what age you are their there to stand by your side. Your parents are usually the one that will inspire you the most. They discipline you; give you stability and inspiration to excel in life.
Everyone has their own definition of a hero. I realize that heroes are every day people. Heroes can be parents, friends, writer, television personality , etc. as long as they inspire others. Now that I understand the definition of a hero, I can say I had many heroes who touch my life. I have my parents who always cheer me on. I had a teacher that rode me in school to excel. I hope that I can inspire my children in the same ways. I want them to inspire to accomplish greatest. That was one reason why I change many aspects of my life.

Essay3

In writing to different essay with the same topic I found it a little difficult. I have not written an essay in about 10 years. It was difficult too write about the same subjects but in different forms. I found it more difficult to write the second essay. The second essay was more difficult because it was hard to express myself. I have learned that in using different forms can help to develop your writing. In the first essay I use an Illustration writing style. In essay two I used a Defining writing style.
In essay one I chose defining as my writing style. The defining is when you explain what a word for idea means to you. I wrote about what the word “HERO” means to me. I used this style to express my thoughts on the word Hero.
In essay two the writing style I chose was illustration. Illustration is when you use pass experience to show your reader your meaning on a subject. I use the examples to show the readers my point of view on the subject “heroes”. These are different styles that I would try to incorporate into my writing more often

[Curlyben]

Sorry, but what is your question?

[derobert]

Editing the entire essay would take a fair bit of work. Personally, I'm pretty harsh when it come to editing things... so you'd likely not want me to tear into it anyway. I have skimmed over it, and here are a few things I notice. Some of these may go against the assignment or the teacher's instructions (and if so, you'd best follow the instructions of the grader):

There are grammatical & wrong word mistakes, such as "six months ago on the train in New York a gentlemen save the life of another person". That should be "saved", as this is past tense. Or "sent the age of" should have been "since." Read over it carefully and look for more. However, from a very quick skim, I'd personally consider this one of the smaller (and definitely easier to fix) problems.

It is wordy. Do not use three words when two suffice. Do not add pointless filler, such as the entire intro after "here". If you must have an intro, expand on what a hero is. Avoid the passive voice; your second paragraph would start much better as "my son Cameron...". Is his height and weight really important? I'd prefer words like "tall", "short", "skinny", "chubby", etc.

Anyway, I hope this gets you started on revising this essay.