Check out some similar questions!

tiggerella · Aug 3, 2007, 05:06 AM

I know this is probably pretty normal, but having been raised Catholic, I just have to ask because I was always told that thinking it is as much a sin as doing it (and spent many a weekend saying repeated "Hail Marys" in penance for whatever sin I did in thought, but not deed):

Should I feel guilty because I often close my eyes and imagine I'm having sex with a stranger when making love to my husband of 24 years?

Nothing against his lovemaking, as hubby knows all the right buttons to push to get my motor purring, but I often feel guilty about having to picture someone else's hand doing the touching to get my mind to follow along with the physical enjoyment. If I don't get my mind to follow along, the physical enjoyment will often end prematurely - and after 24 years of almost daily sex, hubby often doesn't finish for a long time.

Simply put, if I don't cheat in my mind, I'm left with pain after sex instead of pleasure, but if I do cheat, I have a guilty conscience to ruin the afterglow. So do I stop picturing strangers, or start with the "Hail Marys"?

Or am I just weird to ask such a stupid question at my age? :rolleyes:

jrb252000 · Aug 3, 2007, 06:52 AM

I don't think it is a bad thing to have a fantasy as long as you don't act on it. 24 years is a long time to be with someone. I don't know if maybe you can try to spice things up somehow.

keenabena · Aug 3, 2007, 07:05 AM

Not one Hail Mary can take any thoughts away. And I doubt saying them will make you feel better. You have to understand you have a conscience and most of us ignore it . IF its not there, tell you husband and talk to him about change or what turns you on and you' ll be surpised that a little change would be better, and then you can fantize about him in the day time and come home to the reality. That's Y most people are so unhappy because they try to make fantasy's real and there just that a fantasy. Make reality a fantasy and then the fatasy is made real. No disapointment that way.

smoothy · Aug 3, 2007, 09:21 AM

Everyone has fantasies... most of us keep them as fantasies. That's not saying you can't talk about them. But he has to be open minded enough to talk with you and not see it as an opportunity to take jabs at you.

eustress89 · Aug 3, 2007, 03:02 PM

I don't think it is considered cheating to just fantasize about someone else. I am sure your husband has done it before, so don't feel guilty. You have been with him for a long time and you just need to fantasize in order to keep the sex life alive. That is totally fine.

saraispiel19 · Aug 3, 2007, 03:06 PM

Hey I'm mαrried okαy-- fαntαsies αre fine! I'm pretty sure the hubby hαs them too:p

αs long αs you don't αct on it or tell him αbout it [umm thαt'll hurt him αnd leαd him to think you wαnt to or αlreαdy did... ]

Try not to mαke it αn obsession though k.. Like oggoling αt every single piece of mαn meαt you see--hαhα boundries tiggerellα boundries... just think αbout it.. how would you like your husbαnd to think of αnother womαn.. whαt do you think is okαy for him to fαntαsize.. then thαts your αnswer:)

Good luck to yα girlie<3

SpawnOfAzazel · Aug 3, 2007, 03:07 PM

Fantasies are healthy so as long as they're not acted upon in such a way that would harm someone. Maybe you can spice things up by doing a little role playing with your hubby, and save the Hail Marys for when you really need to use them.

SnaveLeber · Aug 3, 2007, 10:39 PM

That is so wrong. A man that loves her and performs these tasks for her almost every night for 24 years deserves her full devotion, in body AND mind

ramblinguy · Aug 5, 2007, 04:54 PM

Fantasies are normal. Meant to be enjoyed, but not necessarily shared by talking about them.

statictable · Aug 5, 2007, 11:45 PM

A healthy, normal fantacy and shared by the majority. Enjoy

smoothy · Aug 6, 2007, 05:14 AM

Originally Posted by ramblinguy

Fantasies are normal. Meant to be enjoyed, but not necessarily shared by talking about them.

Some fantasies can be shared with a partner you can trust and find a way to act on them in a manner that's fine with both of you. Can be a great way to spice things up in the sack.

I'm not catholic but my wife is.

keenabena · Aug 6, 2007, 09:58 AM

The devil had a fantasy that he was god does that make it right. Why would you want to believe or pretend someone or something is happening that u know is not. Are we little kids or Adults.

Synnen · Aug 6, 2007, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by keenabena

The devil had a fantasy that he was god does that make it right. Why would you want to believe or pretend someone or something is happening that u know is not. Are we little kids or Adults.

God had a fantasy that he was the ONLY god... does that make HIM right?

If we're adults, then there is room in our lives for fantasy. Dreaming something doesn't make it wrong. Acting on something we know is wrong is where the wrongdoing happens.

tiggerella · Jan 21, 2011, 05:37 AM

It had been a while since I'd been in here - and the new format allowed me to see all the answers! Thanks to all of you for confirming that I'm not a bad person. (FYI, all, the "fantasy man" is technically a character from a romance novel, usually one I'm writing myself or from the current Sherrilyn Kenyon or Johanna Lindsay book I'm reading, so "acting" on the fantasy would be excessively difficult... *grin*)

Thanks again for the perspective from both the male and female points of view! (This is such a great forum that I need to start coming back for YOU folks! *grin*)