[babigirl1]

I have talked about this on here before. My husband gets off way to fast. Like 1 minute. But that isn't what is bothing me. Well part of it. We had sex tonight and like always he got off in 1 minute or less. I began to cry. He said he was sorry. I know he meant it , but saying Im sorry and not doing anything about it. Isn't going over very well with me. I told him my needs aren't being meet. This has been going on for 11 years. I have cheated on him and I hated myself for it and I promised myself I would never do that again. What my ? Is. Shouldn't he be more concerned about this. I feel I am the only one that is concerned over this. I can't get him to go to the doctor. Or try anything. In the past we have tried creams and I have ordered some pills to see if they help. We have used condoms and he will last maybe 3 or 4 minutes longer but that is it. I talked to my doctor about it and he just says in time it will go away. Seeing a sex therapist is out of the ? He won't do it. Shouldn't he be willing to do what ever it takes, if he really loved me. I know I would for him.

[Synnen]

Honey... you can't change him. If he cared how you felt, he would do *something* to work on this.

Honestly... if he doesn't start working on this with you, either with sex therapist or a physician, he's going to end up in marriage counseling wondering why your marriage is failing. Sex isn't the most important part of a relationship, but not even trying very hard to please your partner is generally a sign of something more important that's wrong.

[Bluerose]

Yes, I believe if he really loved you this problem would be sorted by now. You are not compatible sexually. He can't change things any more than you can. What you can do is talk, try to work it out… perhaps some compromise. Try asking him to spend some time just pleasuring you…. His turn can be another night. He sounds selfish but I don't think he is. He may simply be lazy or too laid back. But after 11 years, if it isn't working now I don't think it ever will.

[babigirl1]

I can talk to him and yes he is lazy when it comes to me... I just don't want a divorce. I love him , but I am holding back my sexuality. We aren't sexually compatible. I am a freak in bed and he knows this. I am very open to what I like and don't like. We talk about everything very well but on this area we don't like I wish we could. When I bring it up I am very careful on what I say to not hurt him. I am a very sexual person. Maybe I am too much. Could it be me ? I think he feels less of a man because of this. Even though I tell him a lot of men have this problem. I don't want to hurt him in any way.

[Bluerose]

You are taking too much onboard. You are protecting him too much. There is a problem and it must be faced.

[babigirl1]

So where do you think I should begin ? I know he is sexualy attracted to he. A lot of men are. I just don't know what to say or do here.

[rankrank55]

There isn't much you can do to change him... he is GOING to have to see a doctor or a sex therapist if he wants to keep this marriage together and you NEED to express this to him. I'm sure he feels embarrassed and less of a person about all of this and that's probably what's keeping him from getting the professional help he needs. After 11 years, he should have a longer sexual stamina that 1 minute or less... so this has nothing to do with him, it's a medical disorder that he can't control and he needs to realize this!

[babigirl1]

Would the age have something to do with it ? Hw is 27 and I am 40

[rankrank55]

Well he's young and actually beyond or right at his sexual peak... he should have a probably with short sexual stamina at this point in his life... he needs to see a doctor!

[Parajr]

Believe me this it hurting him too. Now one min for ten years sounds like a serious problem. I think it may have something to do with him never really experiencing a normal sexual relationship. I know this sounds strange, but if I were seventeen and had a sexy 30 year old interested in me I'm sure my confidence would be down as it related to pleasing her. I would feel inferior sexually, and we all know that sex is highly mental. In all honesty I know you guys need counseling. I think you have a situation where he has developed this mentality of being inferior to you sexually, and it manifests itself by premature ejaculation. When I was younger to alleviate this I would masturbate before a sexual encounter. This solved my problem, but I think you guys have a more serious situation. I hope I was helpful in my out loud philosophy

[Parajr]

I just thought of something else have him take a physical and have his testostorone tested. Low testostorone could cause premature ejaculation also.

[excon]

Hello babi:

This thread is full of what he needs to do... Bull. He's not going to do ANYTHING, is he? If he was, he'd a done it by now...

Nope... YOU are the one who has to act. Talking to him - pleading with him ISN'T acting. It's more of the same.

WHAT should you do?? I don't know. I hear you say you don't want a divorce. I also hear you say that you want to get laid. I'll bet getting laid is going to win - AND IT SHOULD. Getting laid is what it's all about...

My suggestion that you act is to prompt him to act. It may not. K. Then you got a dud on your hands and I'd start looking for the one who is going to wow you in the sack.

excon

[babigirl1]

I know most of all this has been in what he should do. The only way I get PLEASED is if I use my toys and I have had it with doing this. I want a man to please me.
I don't want to cheat, but I may have to. I have the chance all the time, but I don't do it. I do love my husband, but enough is enough here.I will talk to him to night when he comes home. He knows I hae cheated before. I have even told him " If you dont please me , I will find one that will" I know this hurt him, but hell I am being hurt to.believe me I don't want to cheat again. But if he won't do anything about this... than what

[E3317]

Good answer RU a psychology major??

[E3317]

I'm not telling you to go out and cheat, but people don't realize just how important sex is. It is damn important to me too. Like Para said I wonder if it is a mental thing. Has he had sex with anyone else, and how did that turn out. I wou;d want to know that before I leave him.

[babigirl1]

He Has Had Several Other Girls And From What He Told Me It Was The Same . He Got Off To Soon

[Mario3]

Maybe your really hot. Try looking ugly, don't comb your hair, don't shower and smell really bad, don't wax your facial hair or legs, and eat lots of onion and garlic. I AM SURE IT WILL TAKE HIM A LONG TIME TO GET OFF AFTER ALL THAT! You will have the best sex of your life! He will never lose his load in one minute after that... he might last all night.

[babigirl1]

He knows a lot of men are attracted to me. Men come on to me all the time. I talked to a male friend about this and he told me,"maybe I am too much of a woman for him and that he may feel he isn't good enough for me. I am 40 years old and everyone tell me I look 27 I just take very good care of my body and the way I look means a lot to me. But to me if he wants to keep me. He should please me in bed and out. He really is a good man. But very very bad in bed.

[ordinaryguy]

I want a man to please me. I dont want to cheat, but I may have to.

No, you don't have to. If you do, it will be because you decide to. If it really is a deal-breaker, tell him so, and tell him that if he won't go to a counsellor, doctor or sex therapist you're filing for divorce. If he won't go, get the divorce, and then go out and fu*k your brains out. If you're going to leave him over this, at least do it with some class. If you just go out and get laid, it will probably end the marriage anyway, but with a lot more heartache all around.

[babigirl1]

Like I said before I don't want a divorce at all.