[Inspired]

I was driving home from work and I broke down and started crying again. I don't know why I am reliving this.

[nicespringgirl]

I was driving home from work and I broke down and started crying again. I dont know why I am reliving this.

Aw... I wish I could give you a hug, can't say much since I have never been to this kind of situation. I hope you feel better, the things d'nt kill you will make you stronger!!

[hair2007]

I was driving home from work and I broke down and started crying again. I dont know why I am reliving this.

I understand what yr going through, I'm in it myself right now. If you read my posts you will understand.

I haven't even posted about me going back with him again since my last posts, I'm kind of ashamed of it. Lol. But I did, and went 20 steps back, and am at the point of where you are,(once again) I can't understand how another human at the age of 38 can play such friccan mind games with someone. So many times, its just so selfish. And I am not like that so its even harder to understand, just leave the relationship if you know you don't feel it.

Needless to say I can not eat, sleep terrible, and think I also have an ulcer. But I am more to blame than him because I must have a very low self esteem to continue to fall for his blulsh!t. I end up the one screaming at the end and acting like a nut, because he never follows through with effort. I left him like 20 messages of how I felt in about a week. Just to get it out. But it has been 4 days now of no contact, and I wish I never screamed into his voice mail now, waste of time. I end up looking phsyco and he walks away cause he never meant any of his words. And I'm here alone wondering why.

I wish you luck, its hard nomatter what the situation, but it does get better but right now we can't see that. I wish you well, try to think of better things... ( ;

[Inspired]

Yea its been tough. I had a crappy day. I am going to try to get some sleep to see if I feel better tomorrow morning. All last night I had nightmares.

[Inspired]

Update: I woke up this morning with a huge headache. Didn't sleep well last night. Im going to try to get through the day without breaking down. It sucks because I wish I could just turn my emotions off. It is horrible to know that I think a part of me still loves him. I have no intention of ever talking to him or calling him. I know he's bad for me. I wish I could just look at what a blessing it is to have him out of my life instead of continuing to look into the past and not be able to get over the pain he caused me.

[kaj675]

I'm in the same situation that you're in. it's very hard. I feel so stupid for believing anything mine said. It's just beyond me how someone can treat another human being like that. I wish you all the luck. Wish I had some advice but I don't.

[Inspired]

Kaj,
You can post a question and I am sure people will give you advice. This forum is wonderful and people are helpful. Try it. I also wish you the best.

[talaniman]

She has posted and her questions will be answered. Also Inspire, I want you to know that the pain your going through is because you really cared for this human, even though he didn't deserve it. You are an honest caring sensitive woman, who deserves better and you will find your happiness, despite the temporary pain you find yourself in. That you have given such good advice and support to others lets me know, that your closer than you think you are, and only need time. Hard to wait on relief of the misery, but your doing the right things to get you there, just keep going.

[diya]

Time, my dear, Time is what is going to make you forget, nothing and no one else. At this point it is subconscious ego(that how could he do this to me)... is what is making you lingerin on with this... and subconscious mind is a slave to memories and time. So only Time can help you. In the meantime, please try not to let your thoughts revolve around the memories of the person who treated you like crap... u have a dignity of your own. Hell with this man who knew nothing of the matters of respecting a woman who deserved love. These kind of people deserve no inch of our respect and time. Be strong.

[Inspired]

Thanks Tal and Diya. I am trying to get through the day without being sad. Its hard but I'm trying. I just keep thinking how it was so easy for him to pretend that he loved me, that he wanted to move to my home town and was trying, and how he pretended that he never talked to this woman anymore and that he hated her. While all along he was messing with her and sleeping with her. Its so hard to realize that he was soooo fake. He was always so sensitive and nice to me. Ok I'm driving myself crazy again. Time to go to lunch

[emopunk7]

Relax...

[Inspired]

I just got back from a lunch meeting. The food was good. Still feeling bad. Last night I woke up with that "shocked feeling". I used to go through that at least 3-4 times a night for about 3 months after I found out he cheated. At least last night it was only once.

[Inspired]

Its weird but actually helping others with their problems makes me feel good for a few minutes.

[hair2007]

I just got back from a lunch meeting. The food was good. Still feeling bad. Last night I woke up with that "shocked feeling". I used to go through that atleast 3-4 times a night for about 3 months after I found out he cheated. Atleast last night it was only once.

Me too! On top of it my ex is dating his neighbor now and they live in the same city and 10 house up from my work.. I see them a lot, and my stomach turns!! I guess in my case its just another thing he has done to me, and it really hits me to know if he can be with some one so soon and not care then he really never loved me and was always just using me as plan b...

[Inspired]

However, helping others does harp on the heart strings a bit as it reminds me of what I went through and am still going through. I cried most of the way from work to home. (I have a 1 hour drive).

[Inspired]

I had a tough day today again. I cried driving home. When I look into the future I know 100% that this was the best thing that has happened for my future. However I get stuck in the past. Its like the flood gates opened since this Sunday (when my parents mentioned the family trip to where he lives). I don't feel as bad as I did when I found out, but its still pretty bad. I feel like I am reverting backwards. When I get emotional, nothing helps, no logic, nothing. I am seriously considering therapy but I don't know if it will help. I have had therapy before (a few yrs back when I lost my fiancée to a car accident) and it didn't help. I do remember that medicines did help. I was on paxil (this was 5 yrs ago). I don't understand why it still feels like a rollar coaster. Sometimes I feel fine and other times I feel like I am reverting back. Has anyone else gone through this type of rollar coaster?

[diya]

Everyone goes through it... and each one of us learns from our own mistakes. It's all experience that we inhale each moment of our lives. One thing that lets me get over any unpleasant experience is the feeling that nothing... NOTHING is permanent. No one person, thing or place stays with you forever... we simply get stuck because of what we call attachment. Attachment gives us hurt... one of my exes told me he was unemotional and never shared anything with anyone... very strong guy... it was easy for such people to get detached and they move to the next level of happiness. I've become like that too but only to a certain extent... so don't lose yourself while having fun in life. Whatever you're going through right now will also phase out with time... remember nothing is permanent. Give yourself happiness that you deserve. He might have given you happiness while you were with him... cherish it.. love it... learn to smile when you think of it... but that's gone too.. it's the reality... he's no more with you... detach yourself from feeling about him to get happiness... that is hard but if tried will eventually be good for you... u will grow as a person... this experience will make you stronger... take it positively and see each day as new and fresh to begin with.

[Inspired]

Diya,

I know what you are saying.Its weird because when I was with him I was happy but depressed (he was always depressed and brought me down). I chose to suppress the depression and ignore it and just focus on the happiness. I should be relieved he's out of my life, but it still hurts that I put up with so much of his crap and he cheated on me and lied to me throughout. Its not that I want him back, I just want a closure.

[Inspired]

Thanks Oracle,
Its so weird because when I am down, I use no logic. It feels as though nothing will get me out. I had a really odd dream last night. I had a dream that my home was filled with spiders (tranchillas) and alligators. There was a hole where all the spiders were coming from. I tried to kill them but there were too many. I couldn't excape. Then I had another dream about someone having a lot of health problems ( I don't know who or what problems, this dream was hard to remember) and I remember waking up feeling like "gosh people go through so much, I should feel blessed that I dont have major health problems". It was a bitter sweet dream.

[jasonpeace]

Just relax...