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Kick277Jen · Jul 6, 2007, 04:15 PM

Hi everyone, my name is Jen and I am 17 years old. I REALLY need advice on what to do!
... My mom committed suicide four years ago after finding out my dad had been cheating on her for three years with a woman from work- who was also married.
It riped our family completely apart! I thought, him seeing how upset the whole family was by his actions would cause him to break it off with this woman( especially since her husband decided to give her a 2nd chance) but he continued to sneak around with her.
When my sisters and I would confrot him about him still seeing her, he would only lie to our faces and hit us for even accusing him of still being with her... But, one year after my moms death, he could no longer deny it seeing as we caught them having sex in our house when we came home from school because of an early-dismissal. Since then, we have found many other evidences that cause us to fully believe he is still seeing her... however, every time we confront him about it, he either denies it- making excuses that NEVER make any sense- Or he promises us he will stop seeing her.
... So, four year later, this woman is still married and is still seeing my dad. Her husband has no idea that she is still having an affair and my dads new girlfriend (which is the sweetest woman) has no idea that he is cheating on her! I feel like I need to do something. 1.) because I feel so bad for both this woman's husband and also for my dads girlfriend.. . and 2.) because I want to, I guess, get my revenge on my dad.. . Just a week ago, my dad gave me his cell-phone so I could call one of my friends and while I had the phone I saw a picture of this woman and my dad having sex as well as she text'd my dad while I had the phone saying "I love you".
I thought instantly of a plan that would bust my dad and this woman... I could send the picture to my phone and then in return, send it to this woman's husband phone. But... I stopped myself from doing this knowing that it would be hell to pay if my dad knew I did this... but now, I just can't get this idea out of my mind! I could still follow-through with this plan but... Would it be totally inappropriate to do this??
-I apologize if I didn't write this clearly and for it being so long.

Shaunta · Jul 6, 2007, 06:52 PM

Hmm... well they say what goes around comes around... eventually he will get his... it may take so time but when it happens it will hit him so hard... I am so sorry to hear that about your mom... just give it some time... I know it bothers you... I think I woiuld email the pic. Bu tthen I woud have to pay the consequences... lol... but good luck :)

grammadidi · Jul 6, 2007, 07:15 PM

Jen, honey, I am so very sorry about your mom. I understand exactly what you went through.

I also understand how you feel now, but the fact is, that whoever your dad sleeps with, dates, has lunch with, makes love to, talks to, or whatever... truly is his business as an adult. All you can really do is learn a valuable lesson from all of this, and model appropriate behavior in your own life. It is not your place to confront him with what he does. He has made a choice, and, right or wrong, has opted to live with the consequences of it. After more than 4 years, the draw to this woman must be very strong. I'm sorry he has shown you that he has so little lack of respect for himself, but it sounds like he has a real problem and there is nothing that you can do that will stop it.

I guess you should ask yourself what would happen if everyone knew the truth? Would it really change anything? Probably all it would do is alienate you and your sisters from your dad even more than you already are. For whatever reason, he is going to continue in this relationship. Stop caring about it so much and just live your own lives. All you can do is accept that your dad has a problem and nothing that you do will make it better.

Do you have adult family members that you can talk to about your feelings?

Hugs, Didi

ordinaryguy · Jul 6, 2007, 07:22 PM

Oh, I don't think that's a very good idea. Yes, your dad is a selfish a__hole, but sending the picture to this woman's husband won't reform him, and could have very bad consequences for the many people whose lives are touched by this. The husband may not know exactly what's going on, but by now, he knows who he's married to and may know more than you think. As I see it, the person who most needs to know what's going on is the new girlfriend, who has no idea what she's getting into and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I wouldn't send her the picture either, but maybe if you could discreetly let her know that things aren't as they seem, it would save her some heartache. I don't know what you should do, really, but acting out of a desire for revenge isn't the road to health and happiness for yourself.

Kick277Jen · Jul 8, 2007, 02:33 PM

Originally Posted by ordinaryguy

Oh, I don't think that's a very good idea. Yes, your dad is a selfish a__hole, but sending the picture to this woman's husband won't reform him, and could have very bad consequences for the many people whose lives are touched by this. The husband may not know exactly what's going on, but by now, he knows who he's married to and may know more than you think. As I see it, the person who most needs to know what's going on is the new girlfriend, who has no idea what she's getting into and doesn't deserve to be treated that way. I wouldn't send her the picture either, but maybe if you could discreetly let her know that things aren't as they seem, it would save her some heartache. I don't know what you should do, really, but acting out of a desire for revenge isn't the road to health and happiness for yourself.

What would I even say to my dads new girlfriend? Plus, do you think she will even listen to me and take my advice?

ordinaryguy · Jul 8, 2007, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by Kick277Jen

What would I even say to my dads new girlfriend? Plus, do you think she will even listen to me and take my advice?

Well, as I said, I don't know what you should do. In a certain sense, it isn't really your business to be the agent of karma for your dad. He'll get his eventually no matter what you do. Your main concern is to get healthy yourself and act out of your nobler motives instead of your baser ones. An empathetic concern for his new girlfriend's well being is probably a more noble motive than a desire to get revenge on your dad for his banality and selfishness. If you tell her, she may or may not believe what you're telling her and act on it. It depends on how much you care about her whether you want to take the risk of helping her avoid the heartache of being involved with a cheater. If you do it, do it out of a desire to help her, not a desire to punish your dad. If she confronts him and he finds out you ratted him out he'll probably be pissed at you, so if you aren't up for that you might decide it's better to stay out of it and let her learn her own lessons. I'll be interested to hear what you decide and how it comes out.