[sarah11282]

My boyfriend dumped me two weeks ago. For about two weeks before the break up we were fighting a lot. We are both young and I have a child from a previous relationship. We were going out for seven months. At the beginning we spent all our spare time together, which I know was not a healthy thing to do, but he got a weekend job and moved house recently. I was unable to spend as much time with him and I got very clingy and he got distant. I think I scared him. His reason for dumping me was that he didn't like me that much anymore but I honestly think that the reason he did not like me is because I became so demanding and clingy. I really don't know what came over me. I am not a demanding or clingy person. I think I was scared he had all these new things in his life and he would forget about me and therefore I became clingy.
He dumped me in the middle of a heated argument. I know I have to give him space and I don't want to scare him by telling him how I feel. It was both our faults that it ended. I did not give him the space he needed and grew far too clingy. I knew I was making a mistake at the time but didn't listen to my own advice. I really don't believe that all the feelings he had for me are gone. We had a problem and didn't work through it and it became too much in the middle of that argument. I can't approach him about this yet as I don't want to scare him off anymore. He has a load of new things going on in his life including a new job and new friends and I did not give him the space to enjoy this. At the beginning I was really the only stable thing in his life.
I need advice. More that anything I don't want to lose his friendship if I cannot get him back. I honestly think that he will realize that he made a mistake finishing with me. I am not saying that I think we are going to last forever but I really don't think it was the end of the road. We had a problem that we didn't sort out and I said too many things in a heated argument (including what I wanted his involvement with my son to be) that I really didn't mean and I scared him off.
Don't advise me to tell him all this yet because I know its too soon especially if I scared him and I don't want to run the risk of ruining a friendship by seeming desperate or clingy. If we were having problems for ages I would understand and give up but it was really only one problem that we had. It was a stupid problem that would have been easy to sort out. I just would have needed to give him more space and not smother him. I'm not saying that it wasn't his fault. We got very stubborn with each other and I'd try and ruin plans he had with his friends and he would get more and more distant. It was really what all our arguments were about. We never really had a serious fight before the last two weeks. I trusted him and I know that there was no other woman involved.
I just need some advice. Telling him how I feel now is not a good idea. I need to become his friend and try and show him that I am not the person that I was in the last few weeks of our relationship and at the end of it all if I am unable to get him back I really want to be his friend and seeming desperate now could ruin that. Will I give him space for a month or two and let him really enjoy his 'new life' and wait to see does he miss me. I really don't know what to do!!
I actually saw him last night. He lives in a house along with one of my other friends. While my other friend was there we got on OK but when she left the conversation ran dry quite soon and I had to leave. Its wasn't bitter but just awkard! I really need to get through this and become his friend because at the end of the day even if we don't get back together I don't want to throw away the friendship and the trust we built up in that seven months. We were friends before we started going out with each other. Not best friends but we were still close enough.

[lickemlolly]

OK well you definitely need to give him space... seems like yes he got overwhelmed by your sudden needyness and he is wanting to enjoy life... 7 months is not a long enough time to be tied down and committed and maybe he feels like that is what you want... the best thing to do is back off... if he still likes you he will come around but I wouldn't dwell on it too long... do not let him be the center of your life, move past it and start enjoying your without him... trust me you will feel better

[sarah11282]

Yes I do know that I need to give hm a lot of space but my problem is we were friends before we started going out and therefore we hang around with the same people. I won't see him everyday but there is a chance that I will see him 2-3 times a week.
How do I act around him. I want to show him that I am not the person I was at the end of the relationship (which I really am not).
Do I act like I am completely over him and happy and seemed to have moved on. I guess hope he will think that he has made a mistake finishing with me. I would like advice on how to possibly to that. Obvioulsy I can't make him think that I still want him because he will still look on me as being clingy and desperate. So even if I don't get him back I hope to be friends with him. But is there any advice you could give me on how to behave around him to make him think he made a mistake. In a way I can give him space. I won't ring him or text him or anything or we won't be alone doing anything but I am not going to be able to avoid seeing him!

[lickemlolly]

If you are going to be seeing him on a regular basis then the best thing to do is be exactly what you were before you were together which is friends don't seem too happy to be broken up because if you want him back he will take that as oh she doesn't care... but be just that a friend.. have fun joke laugh.. if it was meant to be then it will be... DONT rush it if you are going to get back together..

[snuffy]

I wish my former g/f loved me again with the zeal that you love this guy!

Aah well, I'll find happiness one day. You think you are soul mates then the next day a bombshell!

[sarah11282]

Yeah I don't know. Haven't seen him since last week. I know the first step you take in getting over someone is to try and accept it. But I am unable to accept it because I know it was only 2 weeks of a problem that we did not sort out and it just went too far that night and that was us finished. Just lost in trying to know what to do next. Can't scare him any more by trying to talk to him. I wish there was a way to show him that I am not like that. Do I let him know subtly that I still like him? Do I cut off all contact with him for a while? Do I pretend I'm completely over him? Will I date someone else to try and make him jealous? Just don't know what to do.

[mike145k]

Listen it's a tough world isn't it we have relationships,marriages children,divorce,and for the most none of these things last forever you may find an exception to any thing,but don't forget sarha or what ever your name is you made some really bad errors,in your life for a very young woman,with a child to support and care for and I hope you are doing that with great love and care cause I don't want another loser kid grow up and become a loser man,and niether do you I am sure of that .most guys don't want an instant family and that makes it more difficult for you unless you are a very attractive girl .your going to have to work harder to get a guy and this guy your crying your eye's out for is not going to come back to an instant family,it may be advice from his parents or friends to dump you .

[sarah11282]

I really respect your advice. I don't think his friends would have told him to finish with me because I also am friends with them. And his mother was happy I was with him because I am doing my degree and I know for a fact she said something like stay with her and you will be sorted. She is not a very nice woman and to be honest I do not think she cares that much for her children. Its mainly due to their upbringing that they got in trouble so much. But I am going to stop that now. I don't like being y. And I honestly don't think that my son was that much pressure on the relationship.
I really need advice on what I should do. I think we didn't sort through a problem and it was too much. I know I need to give him space and even if we don't get back together I want to be his friend because as we both said we gave each other something that we never had before. We were friends before. Not overly close friends but friends and we both know more about each other than anyone else knows. Even if we don't get back together I don't want to throw that away. I want to at least be his friend. I'm just really confused. A few weeks before we finished he was talking about me and my son moving in with him. I didn't and then got clingy because of the time we were not spending together and his extra work and friends. Whatever happens I don't want him to remember me like that!

[lickemlolly]

OK stop and take a look at what you are doing... I know it sounds hard but you are making this person your life and you just can't do that.. trust someone who has been through it I know what it feels like... if he still cares then he will come back and there is nothing that you can really do or say that will make it happen any faster.. but you can do everything to not make it happen at all.. the best thing to do is concentrate on school and focus on the fun things in life... took me 3 months before my ex came back to me after our breakup... this time I really think well be together forever... it takes time and patience but if it is going to happen it will..

[shenda]

Awake to reality... you are his friend... time spent within the same atmosphere/environment remains tight because you have not allowed the sun of the new day to shine in... meaning... Life has come to reveal a side of you that you have often ignored... your need to control. You want this, you want that, but what are you willing to give. Please dear learn early... do not make decisions for someone else. If you can learn to come clean at once, lay your cards on the table; allow him the option and respect to choose based on the full scope of the picture versus previews to come. Your caring nature propels you to consider, weigh options without providing the other person an opportunity to make the decision. Be aware of that tendency. Remember in life there are only two answers, "yes"... "no", it will be accepted or rejected... in both cases you have the comfort of knowing that you made your request known.

To avoid confusion... do not expect the innocence once shared to be restored; admittedly, you have shared/experienced something more during those seven months. To thine own self be True.. what comes from the heart reaches the heart... you know the geniune article... you know what is fake, what is phony... be real... be yourself when you are in his presence... enjoy his company... remain his friend.

[BattleAngel14745]

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