[rachelander]

This is my first question/posting on this site.

So, today (and a couple other times in the last few months) I came home in tears because the neighbor kids were being rude to my son and not including him in their fun. My son is almost three, and the other kids on our block range from 2-9 yrs old. There are about 10 kids on the block. My son is very sweet, cute, funny, and he has great manners. I'm not just saying this because I'm his mom. Everywhere we go people mention what a great kid he is. And at school he has lots of friends and the teachers love him. But on our street the kids are very unfriendly. They'll say "can you get him out of here" and they'll tell him he can't play. The worst thing is, the other parents do nothing to stop there children from being rude and hurtful. I would never let me son treat another kid that way. When the other children migrate into our yard I (and my son) are always welcoming and friendly. The parents aren't very friendly towards my husband and I either. All the other neighbors with kids are constantly getting together for barbecues and birthday parties and we are never invited. I don't know why! We're normal, friendly, happy people with a lot to offer. It sounds weird, but I think the reason we're not included is because we are the only renters on the block, and because we don't make as much money. We've been here for three years, and I was hoping to buy our rental house and stay in this neighborhood, but I'm not sure if we should because the kids and their arents are so snobby. What should I do?

[J_9]

Welcome to parenting 101. Kids are mean... parents can be meaner.

Have you invited them to a barbecue? Would you be willing to?

Sometimes we have to make the first step.

[Wondergirl]

You said the neighborhood kids range in age from 2-9. Is the two-year-old yours, or are there others? Also, that's a pretty wide age range to be playing together. I'm not so sure I would have wanted my almost-three-year-old playing with nine-year-olds!

When my sons were small, we hung out with just a few moms and their kids until the kids got older. Every Wednesday we met at someone's house and had coffee, a homebaked thing, and conversation while the kids played nearby. At each house, the toys were "new" to the rest of the gang, plus we made sure there was enough for the kids to do semi-unsupervised but within sight. Sometimes we got down on the floor and spent time with the kids building block houses, pushing trucks, rocking dolls, etc. -- mostly to show the kids how to play and how to imagine.

Why not invite over the moms and their kids under, say, four? Have a picnic in your yard or at a McDonald's Playland or at a park that would be appropriate for small children. Get to know a couple or so of the moms with younger kids. As time goes on, you can work your way into the larger neighborhood group.

[Bluerose]

This usually turns out to be true… When I am shopping, if one casher is rude or off-hand I assume she is having a bad day but if I find two or three or more being a bit off-hand then I have to ask myself could it be me? What I'm doing wrong?

I agree with the answer above… If you really want to stay there and are thinking about buying then stand your ground and plan to get to know one or two of your neighbours rather than the whole bunch.

I also feel rather concerned about an almost three year old playing with a whole bunch of kids.

[rachelander]

Mine is not the only young one. I'd say the kids are probably 2, 2, 2, 4, 5, 5, 5, 6, 8, 9. So, more of them at 5 and under, just a couple of bigger kids. All of the have a lot of fun when they are together, but so often we aren't invited and I wonder why. I have wondered if it's us, and I really do think it's just an issue of us being young, parents in an area where all the other parents are older and well off. Kids can be rude, and I expect that, but it's the parents job to remind them that they need to play nice. Because of the way I get the cold shoulder, just like my son does, I don't really care to be best friends with the other moms. But I can be friendly. And I hate to see my son getting left out.

[rachelander]

Welcome to parenting 101. Kids are mean.... parents can be meaner.

Have you invited them to a barbeque? Would you be willing to?

Sometimes we have to make the first step.

I like your answer. That pretty much sums it up. Not quite comfortable inviting them over, but it would probably be the best solution.

[cal823]

Careful about letting young kids mix with older kids, especially when those older kids are in yr7-yr10, the kids in that age group nowadays have become the rudest and crudest bunch I have seen in all my life nowadays.

[rachelander]

Yeah, actually, the tw oldest are the nicest kids. They are used to being big brothers and looking out for the little ones, plus they are a little more likely to think before they talk, It's really the 4 and 5 year olds that are pretty mean. I honestly theink they've picked up the attitude from their parents.

[cal823]

Well, that was prob my paranoia about the age group just below mine showing through :P
You can judge their characters well enough. Keep your kids away from the ones that hurt them, and encourage them to hang out with the ones that are good to them and responsible and kind.