[Rochelle76]

Ok, so to be brief, my ex broke up w/ me a month ago. Siteing he wanted to be more of a man and have some space and knew I wasn't happy in the relationship (which I couldn't deny but didn't want to break up). So I'm devistated and move out and he takes a roommate/friend of his and gets another place.
The first two weeks I didn't hear too much from him, but I wasn't contacting him either... he was calling when he did, and texting me... then right around the 3rd week he started calling more and I wasn't always taking the calls because I really wanted to heal and not always be available for him whenever he needed.
When he did get me on the phone he would insecurely ask if I was seeing anyone yet, say that he missed talking to me, make something up simple to be the reason he was calling when he could have found it out himself, and then would proceed to ask how I was (told his family he was missing me)and keep the conversation going even when it sounded like I wanted to wrap the call up, teling me how good it was to hear my voice.
He even called me up to 3 times one weekend, let it go for a few days and then tried again on a Fri night, which I didn't take the call.
Then this past Sun he called me several times, 3 times in a row and then text me to call him asap... thinkin it was urgent I did. He told me something about a bill that wasn't really that urgent to tell me, but anyway, he then got on me for not taking his calls and was I ignoring him? He started trying to catch me up to his life, talking rapidly, and was bringing this girl that "was just a friend" up and my instinct told me he wanted me to ask, so I did.. I asked if he was seeing her. He paused and then replied "sort Of"... I hung up!!

I was so angry and hurt, I texted him for about 20 minutes telling him just what I thought of him, how after a year in half he could get w/ someone w/in 3 weeks after, and now he's really lost my friendship and love for him, and that I never wanted to see him again... he just said he was sorry, he didn't mean for it to happened, but they clicked.

And after he'd done all the calling and I'd left him alone he just needed me to find this out?? Who does that... What's his deal... is this a rebound... is it an ego thing? Can anyone give me advice on this?

[emopunk7]

I think he is upset you ignored his calls. If you care so much, you should've answered his calls earlier and if you didn't want to break up, you could've tried to get him back. I think he said that to get you on your toes and give him some attention. Maybe it's really not much going on. I've done the same. He sees you only give him attention when it's something urgent. You don't think he feels bad that you only text him for 20 minutes when something bad happened, but not to talk to him? No wonder you two didn't work out. Try changing because I'm sure he sees all this. I mean I did just after reading this, can you imagine what he thinks. I'm surprised he even tries calling after all that ignoring. People have nerves! If you want him, tell him and get it over with already. If you don't want him, then move on!

[Rochelle76]

Maybe you didn't notice, but I said he dumped me! I was not taking calls because I needed to mend... it wasn't all about him after all... he wanted out of the relationship and normally when someone wants out they don't contact you. My situation was the opposite...

I couldn't talk to him about how much he hurt me before already and now this w/ the girl etc, because I didn't want him to see me as weak, or to cry after what he did to me... he was not worth my tears... but I needed to say what was on my mind in the texts, because he needed to know he no longer has a friend or support network from me.

He dumped me, didn't let me go (by constantly trying to get a hold of me), he hurt me and then hurt me some more possibly to be spiteful? Don't know, that's why I asked... but it looks like you'd rather be rude towards me then helpful... for some reason you're champing his cause... thanks anway.

[talaniman]

Keeping in contact with the ex is always confusing, and a bad idea. You were right to want to heal, and get healthy and happy. Go back to no contact and ignore his calls. Forget his drama and get a life that you enjoy without him.

[Dennis777]

Hello Rochell

Your EX is a jerk and like all Boys (not Men) he wants his way, his fun but doesn't want you to have any fun. Im sure if you look back at your relationship he was controlling to the point that it was all about him.

You're a special Lady and should be treated that way. I know it hurts now but your better off and when you do find Mr. Right he will be a lucky Man.

Good Luck
Dennis

[How_to_cope]

Hay rochelle he wants to make sure your still around just in case. Going No contact was your bet option and not excepting his calls was fine. Better yet if he does continue with say 3 calls you may be best to just answer the 3 rd call and say what do yo want you broke up with me and I've moved on, move on yourself you had your chance with me, then turn your phone off. I'm not sure if you want him back I'm guessing in a way you do. Well he obviously still wants you a bit but don't get involved in his games will only boost his ego he would love you to answer and cry which your not. This is why when you pull away and don't answer he wants to check if there is anyone else in your life. If you continue tom talk to him it will get you no where but confusion so you are doing the right thin now continue with the no contact and if he persists take his call act happy and say What do you want you keep ringing haven't you got a new girlfriend call her. Show him your not fazed and let me tell you if he wasn't interested in you he wouldn't be calling so much Geez if he really liked the new girl he would forget about you.

[Stunning07]

Only you should know deep down inside your heart if he loves you.. keep nc show him your happy w/out him.. he will come around.. by then you will be strong enough to say no and good bye

[Rochelle76]

I guess I'm wondering too if since his last email of being sorry, and he already knows I don't want to see or speak to him again, and this is someone that was seriusly calling me just to hear my voice, tell he missed talking to me... just his life line if you will... woudl reality sink in in days, weeks, months that "oMG, she's eally serious, she's never going to have anything to do w/ me again"?

Has anyone experienced this; after they cut you off, were you in denial at first and then it hit you and spun you..? How did you respond to this, what did you do in your situaiton?

[talaniman]

I was mad at the world, but got tired of being confused and miserable, so I got a life that I enjoyed, and had big fun making friends and dating, until I met my now wife, and settle down to raise kids, and now we play with our grand kids, remember the good old days, and look forward to whatever is next, just to make a long story short. But it took 6 months to get over a 3 year thing that had my nose open. I'm not mad at all she dumped me, considering how things worked out, but at the time, I thought it was the end of the world.

[emopunk7]

Do you want to be with him or not? Do you love him or not?

[Rochelle76]

He dumped me; it's not I that has the choice to get him back or not... I miss him, I want him, yes, but he needs to fix so much about his life and I don't know if I culd get past the pain that he rebounded,the image of them together is too much for me...

I think if he shaped up, the best I could give is a friendship... but iguess I did wonder if he would feel lost or ache as much as I have... since he did all the calling and outreaching if I were to never speak to him again... I just don't think he's allowed the full impact of what's happened, or anyone can really, until they've Totally lost you... I just wondered if anyone who dumped someone else, and then the person they dumped wouldn't take the one who dumped them's calls, even thought the one that dumped you called a lot... would the dumper feel like "what have i done...." have dumpers ever felt like this went they got cut out of the dumpees life for good?? Did they have serious drawbacks from it... that's all

[emopunk7]

Do you ask because you want him to feel your pain?

[Jiser]

Its time to accept the harsh truth and start the transition to single life. Its hard but whatever doesn't kill us makes us stronger right? More wary in the future and aware what we are looking for in a relationship and a person.

Treat your relationship as a life experience, you might not be able to treasure the memories you had right now but one day you will. Do not regret but learn and move on, as someone much better is just around the next corner.

You must try follow these: (be strong)

1) Abide by no contact, ignorance is bliss so don't go near the 'grape vine'
2) Work on yourself entirely - hobbies, work, gym
3) Ever wanted to do something in your life? Nows the time
4) Spend more time with your friends and family and renew old social ties
5) Box every memory away and stay away from your fav songs for now - when you can look at it without feeling ill - Ur halfway there!
6) Time does heal :P It just takes a god dam while, but don't mope at home, go out, party, exercise - helps a hell of a lot

You don't need anyone to be happy.

The best revenge is to be happy yourself :]