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Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 10:53 AM

I've been seeing a guy for almost two years now. He said he came out of a bad relationship sohe was scared to be in another one. So we started as friends. After a few months he told me we have a relationship without the title. (whatever that means). I ask him all the time what are we and he don't answer the question. He answers by saying something that don't really pertain to my question. Its almost as if he's ignoring the question. I've always been there for him. Gave him money, let him use my car, basically any problem he had, I was always there to fix it. But then I realized that the feeling wasn't mutual. I didn't feel like hoe was always there for me. I would give him my last but I feel like he wouldn't do the same.
He always told me I needed to get out more and have fun. He told me that I could have male friend because he doesn't mind. So when I finally started taking his advice, and had a few male friend that were just friends and go out, he would think things were going on between me and my friends and that I was going out too much. That's also when he stopped trusting me. He think that I would be doing things with my friends. He started saying that I can't be trusted and that I was a liar. I've tried my best to prove to him that I'm not a liar. He started sneaking my phone way to look through it and what he would find he would assume the worse. So I started locking my phone. He thought that was suspicious.
He always would call me or text me to see if I was OK and now he only do it like once a week. He told me its because I always use to be there for him, I always helped him, I only use to talk to him and now I changed. But I told him I still am only with him and I'm still there for him and always will. I can't be there for him finacially as much as I use to. I think that's why he's mad. I always gave him money! And because I go out with my friends, had male friend, and don't give him any money like I use to he's mad. I dropped my male friend and he still don't trust me even though he still has female friends.

If he feels like I'm such a bad person, I'm not there for him anymore, then why is he still here? He says I'm not doing nothing for him so why? The crazy thing about it, is that I'm really trying to make it work. I told him that if I don't make him happy then I will leave him alone and stop bothering him but it's like he don't like me but he don't want to leave also.

redhed35 · Nov 17, 2009, 11:00 AM

When you had the 'relationship' without the title,it was 'friends with benefits' plus a handy shag and an ATM all in the one woman.. lucky guy.. not so lucky you.

He had all the perks of a relationship with none of the responsibility.

When you got some sense and started seeing other people,he got jealous and posessive.. and who could blame him,here was his meal ticket going out spending her own money that he might need.. the cheek of her!

Do you see where I'm going here..

Drop this guy as fast as you can and run away!

He's using you,nothing more..

Get on with your life and let him find another sucker to use and abuse.

amicon · Nov 17, 2009, 11:22 AM

He's abusing you and he's not what you need in your life. Find your selfrespect and leave him.

wylgwylg · Nov 17, 2009, 11:24 AM

I think he is using you more than loving you.

Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 11:38 AM

The man I'm in a relationship with says that sex clowd judgment which may be true and also that he is too stressed to have sex. He wants it but then he thinks about stuff that's going wrong in his life so he doen't feel in the mood. Can a man not want sex? Can they be sooo stressed that they don't really want I?

I wish · Nov 17, 2009, 11:42 AM

Please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread.

Sounds like he just wants a friends with benefits arrangement.

If you want the same thing, then go ahead.

If you're not on the same page, then find someone else who feels the same way about you.

Why torture yourself?

Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 11:55 AM

We don't have sexual relations thoogh. He doesn't want to. He' says he's too stressed

I wish · Nov 17, 2009, 11:58 AM

Well, in your context, friends with benefits doesn't need to constitute sex.

He just wants to have fun with you without having any strings attached. That means that he can have fun with anyone else because he's not committed to you.

Like I said, if you're not on the same page, then why continue?

Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 12:03 PM

Because he makes me feel bad like it's my fault and that I'm doing something wrong to make him act the way he do. Like I'm not trustworthy and if I was then he would act right. I don't do anything for hin because I realized that he's depending on me. But if I'm not giving him anything anymore then why does he stick around. Is it possible that he really do love me?

I wish · Nov 17, 2009, 12:10 PM

Originally Posted by Tanzania

but if i'm not giving him anything anymore then why does he stick around. is it possible that he really do love me?

Because you let him.

If he really loved you, he wouldn't put you through such emotional torture.

If you want to keep playing along with his games, then go ahead.

Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 12:42 PM

I guess your right. Every time I end it, that's when he starts to act like he really care for me. I guess I fall back into his trap every time.

Tanzania · Nov 17, 2009, 02:01 PM

I was talking to this great guy that was nice, caring, funny, and affectionate. He had everything I was missing with my past relationship. I slowly stopped talking to him because my ex came back into the picutre. I let him come back because I loved him. Bad decision! Now I'm pondering because I want my old friend back. He made me happy. I messed up. He still talks to me. Just yesterday he told me he missed me. But he never asked to see me. Is he just playing with my emotions? If he didn't like me anymore wouldn't he stop talking to me completely. How can I make him like me again? How can I convience him to start over with me?

jaime90 · Nov 17, 2009, 02:40 PM

Firstly, you won't get him back if you're still with your ex. The truth is, you don't love your ex if you are considering another guy behind his back, so why be with him if you don't truly love him? Leave your ex, and then begin to consider other guys. When you do leave your ex, get to know this other guy better. You say he is funny, nice, affectionate, etc. which is very admirable in a man, but if you're looking for a long-term serious relationship, there will be other qualities he will need if your relationship will survive- is he honest? Can you communcate openly and clearly without confusion (this takes practice), are you both on the same page as far as physical limits, religious beliefs, etc. goes? Is he lazy, or is he willing to work if need be? You must ask yourself these questions before you start getting emotionally involved with someone. If you don't, you're setting yourself up for a break-up. It's either you get married, or you break up- there's not another option.

Tanzania · Nov 19, 2009, 08:52 AM

I've been seeing a guy for 2 years. He says he not that affectionate. He says he don't know how to be affectionate. He says he hate sayig I love you. He don't tell me how he feels about me unless its on accident and it slips out. I think in the past two years, he told me he loved me twice. But when he is with his son, he kisses him, he tells him he loves him, he holds him, hugs him. All the things an affectionate person would do. But he says he don't know how to be affectionate. Why can't it do it with me? Why can't he tell me he loves me all the time? Why won't he hug and kiss me all the time. Is it because he don't find me phsycially attractive? Do he secretly not like me? I just don't understand. How can I make him be more affectionate with me? I thought that affection comes natural.

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 08:58 AM

Just because you love him doesn't mean he loves you back. You can't force him to love you.

Furthermore, you can't force him to be affectionate and you can't force him to be someone he's not.

If you can't accept him for who he is, then you don't really love him and you just have a fantasy guy in your mind plastered onto this guy's face.

Tanzania · Nov 19, 2009, 09:05 AM

I want him because I love him.

I accept him for who is but its obvious that he knows how to be affectionte because he can be affectionate with his family and when he wants something but why not all the time. I'm try to figure out if he loves me or not.

I wish · Nov 19, 2009, 11:59 AM

If you need to try to figure out whether he loves you, then chances are he doesn't.

If he loved you, he would find a way to show it. You don't need to go on a wild goose chase.

If you haven't already, you can always tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. If he doesn't reciprocate, then you'll have your answer.