Check out some similar questions!

SADMIL · Nov 15, 2009, 11:51 PM

I have been surfing web looking to see if other people were in my boat.
Hello,
I am just joining. Not exactly sure how this site works and will learn with time. I thought this site had old comments because I only saw posts from 2006/ Would be great if we could see latest posts first! To UNDERSTANDS, I am a MIL who does understand you. If your MIL has time during the day she should definitely watch your baby (her grandbaby) when you are at work (when she can). That would be a win-win for everyone. I would do that in a minute and 'so understand you'!! My DIL is a stay at home mom. She lives 10 minutes from me. She only allows me to see my grand daughters a couple of times a month for 1 hour between 5:30-6:30 (I only get to see the 3 year old for 30 min. and the 6 year old for 60 minutes) and this happenes about every 2-3 weeks. She gives me a 5 minute warning before she takes them. She has banned coloring, tracing, writing numbers, letters and certain songs that I teach them like BINGO. We are confined to one room and she listens to our conversations.
I always say hello to her and she never speaks to me with the exception of telling me what I cannot do. Sometimes, she makes immature faces at me (one time my son saw her do this and his jaw fell open).
She goes to her mother for several weeks, several times a year. Now, I just want to make it clear, I do not hold this against her or her mother. I like her mother and actually her entire family who are all very nice to me. I know the mother-daughter relationship is a diff bond but she is SO MEAN TO ME. And I love my grandchildren. I also am their grandmother and this wound has been hurting me for a long time.
I know, just hang in there. This is what I am doing. I do think my grandchildren love me but not sure?? They run to me when I visit and love to hear me read stories to them. The situation is toxic because I will keep going to see my grandchildren. I will not give them up and I know that is what she wants me to do.
My son does not know what to do. I don't know what to do. My son does allot to make it happen. He is home when I visit.
Everyone, please know that she WILL NOT TALK TO ME. Have not done so for 6 years. So, talking to her is not something that will occur. I have asked her, pleaded with her but she will not. She totally disrespects me.
My son said she is intimidated by me. Has low self esteem. Fears the children will want to be with me (but I do have my own life)>When I hear other grand parents talking about their grandchilren, I feel like I'm from another planet. I think to myself, why.
A few years ago her mother was joking around and told me that I was lucky. She told me that her daughter was a VERY, VERY MEAN person, joking around, but <she said> SHE HAS TO BE NICE TO YOU!!
At this point in my life, I have come to terms with taking whatever crumbs I get, but I still am pretty sad about this whole ordeal. It has changed the happy family I used to have.

SadMIL

2ndTime · Nov 17, 2009, 10:46 AM

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. For reading from what you've said, your daughter-in-law is very controlling person. I think you are politically correct in not to make your daughter-in-law too angry, since your grandchildren are still very young. Hang in there and keep doing what you are doing, soon or a later when your grand children are old enough, they will start to think on their own and will ask for more of your presence.

redhed35 · Nov 17, 2009, 10:54 AM

I think perhaps only time will change this situation... unless your son takes a more active approach for his children to be more involved in his families life...

For,now,I could continue seeing them,and following what she wants,as hard as that is,your grandchildren will grow and remember your presents (as in the time you spent with them) in their early childhood...

Keep plugging away...

Fr_Chuck · Nov 17, 2009, 12:49 PM

Newer posts do show up first, we have also had a few new people who answered 3 and 4 year old threads which of course brings them up to the top of the list like a new thread..

SADMIL · Nov 17, 2009, 01:39 PM

Thanks very much to 2ndtime and redhead35. People have given me this advice including a shrink who I saw for a few sessions. It looks like if I make it I will be around 75 before they become aware of the situation. I have tried to baby sit and volunteer but nobody can take the place of the people you really love (which includes my son who I love very much). Just saying that brigns tears to my eyes. I worry about losing him in addition to my grand children. I feel like I'm living in a nightmare.
I am not a needy person.
Am a classical musician and software engineer.
Have tons of interests (including bridge) but this trumps everything.

redhed35 · Nov 17, 2009, 01:46 PM

The thing is,your sons first duty is to his wife... would it be possible for your son and the children to come to you?

Or invite her mother for lunch?
Maybe she can help you.

Mistique · Nov 17, 2009, 02:50 PM

Wow, your daughter-in-laws mother really said that? Yikes! You have yourself a very insecure control freak! If she really thinks that the children will love you more then her then I wouldn't blame them... she sounds like a dictator! Still, she is their mother and this is how it is. Your son, he puts up with his wife's behavior? My husband would be showing me the door if I behaved this way for sure! Is your son under constant control and supervision? Very TOXIC situation.

Unfortunately, continue to make those visits and do what you do best. Like everyone said, the children will grow up and will see what is going on. Being in their lives once a month is better then nothing at all... I admire you for being so strong in dealing with this situation.