[Awife]

We've only been married since 10-10-10. Everything has been great, until now

We dated for 2yrs before the wedding. 1 of which he lived with me. While he lived with me, he Hines my credit and overdrew all of my accounts(4 I own a business) and max Ed out my creditcards behind my back. When I found out I didn't know what to do but I dealt with it, and still am. I'm afraid that's where it began.

Before me he was addicted to herroin. He's been through rehab and counseling. But right before the wedding he took my money from my wallet and bought some, that he shot up in my car while I wasn't there. As per my family tradition we didn't see each other after that day until we met at the alter.

(he had a job when we met, but lost it before we got married. He got a job right after the honeymoon that lasted until November... Now, since march he has his dream job, that I pulled ropes fir him to get, wasn't easy)

Pre marriage that was our only problems.

Now... He says I'm controlling and that I control everything, but he is managing all of our finances( which I've never mentioned to him, but I'm sure you see that it's not a good thing, he sucks with money and banks) he chooses what we eat every meal, tells me what to wear, and he chose the house were living in.

He says everything he does is for me, but this is what he does: sleeps late, goes to work at his dream job, eats lunch at his favorite places with his friends, then comes home, plays videogames, watches TV then goes to bed. Sex? Not likely.

I've had counseling myself for us, but he gets angry if I mention it to him, he doesn't know that I've been getting counseling to try to save our marriage. I've done everything they suggest. I've tried everything I know. I feel like he forgot about me. I went to school for psychology, if I were controlling, he wouldn't realize it. Lol. But really, any suggestions would be great!

I love my husband. He's 28, I'm 19, is there any hope? Please help me!

-desperate house wife in real life

[vexxed]

I personally would make it clear to him that the drug use will stop or it's over (after verifying he is in fact using again). All of the other issues pale in comparison to the problems you will have if he is using.

[Awife]

Sorry, I should've mentioned that he's not using drugs. His work gives random observed urine, follicle, and blood tests, Hes clean.

[Homegirl 50]

Are you sure he is not using?
Did he pay back all of the money he took from you? At your age how did you have a business and a home where he could live with you?

I don't think you are controlling as he seems to be controlling everything now. If he is not good with money I hate to think what he is doing to your credit.
I think he found someone young ( you were a minor and he an adult) and a bit gullible and is now having a good time. Personally I think he is bad news and when you get tired of being controlled, you will leave.

[Awife]

I'm sure his test results are sent to me.

I'm very successful... I graduated high school at 14 and went to college for business. Started my company at 16

[Homegirl 50]

I still think he is a controlling creep.
You are still very young, a lot of life ahead of you. It would be a shame to throw it away on him.
When you get tired of being controlled, you'll know what you need to do.

[Alty]

I agree with Homegirl. He took advantage of a young girl, and now he's trying to control her (you).

There were so many warnings before you got married, but for some reason you did it anyway.

Now the problems are even worse. Why does he object to counseling? Why won't he try to save your marriage? Why, because he knows he's in the wrong. He's a control freak, and it won't get better, it will only get worse.

I would bet that before long this will turn physical. You'll do something he objects to and he'll lose it.

You can't change him, you can only make decisions for yourself. You have two options. You can live with things the way they are, continue to be controlled, continue to be miserable, or you can leave.

I have a feeling that sooner or later the second option will be your only one. He won't change for you. He is what he is, and what he'll always be.

[martinizing2]

What does he contribute to the relationship other than problems?

He will not try to do anything to make things better including going to counselling.

You are the sole contributor and he wants to be the controller even though he isn't qualified.

If you want to find out if he really cares about you and not what you provide for him , tell him you need a break and you are quiting your business/job and he will have to shoulder burden for a while.

I think he is in it for the free ride you provide and the sooner you get away from him the better off you will be.

Like Alty said, it will only get worse as time goes on .

He is taking advantage of you because you are young and not experienced about relationships.

My advice is to get out of there now before it gets much worse and as sure as the sunrise in morning it will.

[amicon]

He's a control freak and may still be using.

This isn't going to get any better,only worse.

You can't save him-save yourself and leave him.