[Larken85]

I know you are right in what you say. But because I don't want to lose her no matter if its hurting me or not (because I am a glutton for punishment) I am not leaving her. And If I do not want to hear the break up with her advice I really shouldn't ask for it you know. And honestly lets face it, I'll keep posting back and forth like this until you all hate me and I like you guys so I would rather that not happen.

I can figure things out on my own, this site has really be a crutch for me though and every time I get mad I jump strait on. Its childish really. I have wasted all of your times and I am just going to stop complianing so much.

You know the saying, quit complaining if you don't want help. Or something like that. It works the same either way. So yeah, I am just wasting time with this stuff now and I am sorry for that. I hope you guys and girl can forgive me for being so fickle.

[amicon]

Look,I think you have kept posting because you need help,which is very much OK.

What we give you is our opinions,based on what you post.

I do believe that you know your relationship isn't healthy.

What you do or don't do about it is your choice.

[Larken85]

I know but I just feel bad because I feel like I have been wasting time here. Time that you could be giving too much more dire cases with people that are actually ready to change which I clearly am not. Honestly I am not mad or insulted in any way shape or form. I know this relationship is toxic and I know it is going to end badly. But I for some reason can't bring myself to get rid of her.

Maybe some day all this love I have in my heart can be given to someone who deserves and respects it but at the moment I am choosing to give it to her. Don't ask me why, I don't know why, but that's what I am doing and I don't want to stop. I know the relationship is hurtting me too, but I have no desire to let her go unless I feel that there is no way to continue to make things better. And things have gotten a little better over time so in my heart it will eventually work out, it doesn't matter what my mind says, its not the most powerful thing controlling me.

I usually think I am a very logical person but honestly thinking abuot all this there is no logic in what I am doing. But for some reason I just can't listen to my own logic. The red flags I and everyone else see don't matter to me because she makes perfectly reasonable excuses. She is either the worlds best lier or she is telling the truth about things. I have never really known her to lie to me so I don't know how she lies. Hate to say it but this entire relationship could be a lie and I wouldn't know because I don't know when or if she is lying. It'd be kind of nice if she would lie to me so I could catch her in that lie and then from that opint forward I would know her lying tendencies.

But until that day happens I have to choose to give her the benefit of the doubt because when she say it it makes perfect sense. God I'm an idiot.

But this is why I want to quit wasting your time, I will go back and forth like this until the end so this post would get to be the longest one in history and you all would be like this guy is hopeless. And its true, I am hopeless, I know I am, but I don't want to fix it. She can make me so happy at times that I just forget about every single thing she has ever done to make me doubt her.

Most people think that one wrong trumps all good but in her case it is totally opposite. One good trumps all wrong. Not that she does a lot of things wrong, its more that she doesn't give more of herself than anything else. She always keeps me some distance away and it gets to me. Then again some people are like that too. Given her past she certainly has every right. But I don't forgive her for that. If it is something like that then she needs to be working on it and work on being about to fully embrace the relationship.

See that, I just went back and forth in a single post. So yeah, I am just going to sort it all out on my own and chances are I am going to find a way to get over all of this lol. Like I said, hopeless. At least I can see it though right.

[Larken85]

And the biggest problem is that I need to want to change and I just don't want to change at all. I need to want to leave and I need to want to get over her but I don't WANT any of that. I want it to work and thus my entire being is trying to make it work. No matter if it can or not I am cumpulsed to do this. I can't stop myself actually.

[jmjoseph]

This reminds of a friend of mine who told me when he has very little, while potty training, he woke up a had to "go". He walked into the bathroom and lifted the seat like his daddy taught him. Now he's a short guy, so he laid his "little buddy" up on the ring of the potty. And while he was going , he closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and then right in the middle, the seat came swinging down... WHACK!!

He said that he wouldn't EVER let that happen again. And I believe him, who would?

He claims it stunted it's growth, and it stopped growing right then and there. But he said that even to this day, he can't close his eyes while going.

Well, this relationship reminds me of him.

You just keep closing your eyes, putting your little "ding-ding" up on that cold, hard, porcelain rim to get "crimped" again.

Pretty soon, It'll cause long term damage.

Real friend, real story.

I've known it for over 40 years. It has helped me out of a lot of jams.

Maybe you're just not through yet.

[Larken85]

Jm, that was a funny story. And it could possibly relate directly to me. I do not rule out that possibility. Of course I believe most anything is possible. And although I don't want my wiener whacked (that sounds horrible actually) I do know I'm like the second muskito to the bug zapper. I know it just killed my friend but its just too dang beautiful to stay away from.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!! !!!!:eek:

[Homegirl 50]

You are afraid, that's your problem. You would rather be with someone who you know is not good for you than not have her, to not have anybody.
This woman is too old and wise, she got her hooks in you good. Got you blaming yourself for her losing her apartment that you don't even live in. You say she took you back after you cheated, well yeah she would, she didn't care, you are her crutch.

You are enabling her and she is using you, and your messed up relationship is teaching her children a sad lesson on life relationships and responsibility.
But until you are ready to grow up and walk away on your own, ( like you know you need to do) there is nothing anyone here can tell you.

[J_9]

I respectfully unsubscribe from this thread. Larken, it seems as though you are just trying to get attention.

We have tried to help you, but you always have the same excuses.

When you are ready for a change, come back. But until then, it's my opinion that any advice we give you will go in one ear and out the other.

Good luck to you in your toxic relationship.

[talaniman]

she is trying her off to figure out a way to pay all the bills and rent and I am helping but there is only so much I can do for her.

That's the point, without you, always helping, then she can't afford it. She only moved in the first place, if I remember right from her exes place because you were going to be sugar daddy, and live with her. That's how we got to this mess, SHE changed her mind because of her kids. All of a sudden she is concerned over the kids? No way. She already had the plan set for you to pay rent and not live with her.
CONCLUSION- She used you for getting out of the exes house, who all of a sudden was moving to Florida. One could further speculate, she has been cooking this soup for a while now.

She is demanding that I do not pay my mother rent though

More money for her.

and that is ticking me off as my mother already wants me out

So even though you have been paying rent at TWO places, you are not welcome at either? I think your mom is giving you some tough love buddy, and wants you to fall on your face, and be homeless and broke, so you will see for yourself what you are ALLOWING to be done to you.

and I'm sure I shouldn't push her buttons.

She suggested that I stay with a friend of mine but I said why not let me move in?

She doesn't want you living with her. Just paying the rent so she can shop, and take vacations and such.

You could avoid a lot of misery and pain by standing up for yourself, but NOOOOOOO! you choose the easy way out. You give in with ALL YOUR HEART! That's not love. A man sometimes have to make some hard decisions, and do some things he doesn't like to do for his love and family, but you have neither concern. This is not love, nor is it your family, but you are being fed false hope that it could be. That's not love, nor is it healthy.

You cannot afford her life, and upkeep, and yours also,

Now YOU have no place to stay, (if you don't pay your mom, who wants you out, I suspect, because of her), and without you, neither will she. (great plan so far huh!)

She gives you a cock and bull promise of getting a job in Florida, to support you while you get a job, but won't work now to support herself. At best an empty promise that you BETTER not go for. Where will you stay during all of this? With her or a cardboard box? Why would you expect to stay with her in Florida, when you can't stay with her now?

She brings up this move only to make you think this is the only solution to her problem, but its only the easy way out for her. To be fair she is right, as she already told you her plan if you don't do things her way.

Instead of going along with her plan, stick to your guns with a better plan, CALL HER BLUFF. But as another poster has pointed out, you won't make changes until your sick and tired, of being sick and tired. That happens with junkies, they look for an easier softer way to handle their problems, until they see it never gets solved until they are so beat down, they are ready to listen.

One thing my 30 years of marriage has taught me very well, is you better stand for something, or you will fall for anything. So again, I tell you to stand up for yourself, just try, and see what happens. I think that you will be surprised at the results.

After all, you want a partner, not a mother, so get some dignity and self respect, man up for YOU, and straighten this mess you have allowed to happen. She may be older, but not smarter, and you may be young, but not dumb, and despite popular belief, the man in the relationship sets the pace, and direction, of any relationship. Sure she has to help, but not rule, or she can always go wherever the freak she wants.

Just me, if she were my female, she would have my breakfast before I went to work, and dinner when I got home, to our HOME, and I wouldn't give a rats patoot if she shopped till she drops, with her allowance. Trying to sustain yourself, and her is unsustainable, and you had to know that since you have to stay with MOMMY.

But you will get tired of this crap. I like you guy a lot, and you give others some very good advice, so start using your brain a bit more (a lot actually) instead of your heart, because your inability to stand, hurts all of you.

You have to take control, because she has proven she can't.

[JoeCanada76]

I respectfully unsubscribe from this thread. Larken, it seems as though you are just trying to get attention.

We have tried to help you, but you always have the same excuses.

When you are ready for a change, come back. But until then, it's my opinion that any advice we give you will go in one ear and out the other.

Good luck to you in your toxic relationship.

I have been feeling the same way and thinking of unsubscribing myself. Maybe everybody in this thread should unsubscribe.

[Lucky098]

Wow... this chick really is controlling. I almost feel bad for you.

I don't understand why you continue to post. Each time the situation gets worse... never better.

What does this chick have to do to you before you decide enough is enough?

You kind of remind me of the dude in the very beginning of She's Out of my League... you're being her moodle. She could be dating some other guy in your very own house and you'd still forgive her... pathetic.

I think I'm done with this thread. Each post coming from you is getting more contridicting and stupid.

Good luck in life... hope the water doesn't get to hot... then again maybe it should. Maybe your brain will engage and you'll begin to think.

[JudyKayTee]

Wow... this chick really is controlling. I almost feel bad for you.

I don't understand why you continue to post. Each time the situation gets worse... never better.

What does this chick have to do to you before you decide enough is enough??

You kind of remind me of the dude in the very beginning of She's Out of my League... you're being her moodle. She could be dating some other guy in your very own house and you'd still forgive her.... pathetic.

I think I'm done with this thread. Each post coming from you is getting more contridicting and stupid.

Good luck in life... hope the water doesn't get to hot... then again maybe it should. Maybe your brain will engage and you'll begin to think.

Have you read some of the other posts? I find the information to be remarkably conflicting and can't determine what the exact situation is - I'm not sure all of this isn't a lot of drama.

I hope I'm wrong.

I also question some of "OP's" advice to others -

(Didn't I just get through saying I'm out of here? Oh, well.)

[hungtoronto]

It's easier to give advice than do it yourself lol. I am sure he know what he is getting into. It's just that he can't afford it that's all. He knows it's the price he got to pay for someone who's out of his league.

[Lucky098]

Have you read some of the other posts? I find the information to be remarkably conflicting and can't determine what the exact situation is - I'm not sure all of this isn't a lot of drama.

I hope I'm wrong.

I also question some of "OP's" advice to others -

(Didn't I just get through saying I'm out of here? Oh, well.)

I think he bases his posts on how the relationship is for the day. It must be going OK right now. Shell do something mean again and hell be back crying.

So the dog lives in fl with the ex? I thought the ex came over whenever he pleases. I'm really confused.

This relationship is no longer toxic... its deadly. The op is walking down a path of pure heartbreak. Its going to hurt worse when she gets tired of him and dumps him like a dirty diaper.

[Larken85]

Dude what? She has children by a man in Florida. She has an ex in Michigan. Was that really hard to figure that one out? She lives here, in mi, in her own apartment. And it is good days and bad days. I am very emotionally geared, dramatically so. This is the reason for my last few posts.

[slapshot_oi]

dude what? she has children by a man in florida. She has an ex in michigan. Was that really hard to figure that one out? she lives here, in mi, in her own apartment. And it is good days and bad days. I am very emotionally geared, dramaticly so. This is the reason for my last few posts.

Actually it is. Your thoughts are so scattered it's damn near impossible to make sense of any of this.

Good luck.

[JudyKayTee]

I see the problems in the relationship - she doesn't need another child and you are immature. She doesn't feel like raising you so she's going to take advantage and move on.

[jmjoseph]

So the guy that keeps the dog, and comes over whenever he wants to, is not even the children's father? And THAT arrangement is keeping you from living in the apartment that you are paying for? The dog sitter? I was thinking that maybe it was the children/father time that she was trying to keep "frequent". So if she did not have a dog, you would be living there, and the ex would be out of the picture?

Stand back from the outside of this arrangement for a moment if you will. Look at it from OUR perspective. Do you see how absolutely ridiculous this is sounding to us? Can you blame us for questioning the changes in the story?

You're paying the dog's rent, and the ex is his ride. Lucky dog. It's probably a Pomeranian. He's probably licking his butt on your pillow.

And, if YOUR situation was written in here, by someone else, how would YOU respond to it? (You'd say "get the he!! out while you can", too) I know that you are usually ready to give advice, on any subject, which is quite impressive considering your age and sexual experience (admittedly only two years, or less).

You are lost, selling compasses and maps.

Can you see what we see?

If you throw something like this thread out there, be ready to get feedback from all angles. And from how THIS is developing, it's from the direction of common sense, and sound reasoning. You just cannot see it like we do. No one is saying " stick in there guy, work some overtime, and keep her". No. Not here.

At this point, you are just throwing deck chairs off the Titanic.


All I hear is "WHACK,WHACK,WHACK", the sound of that toilet seat.

I feel for you. You are in love, or at least you think you are.

She is not the one that you are going to be happy with. That's obvious.

There will always be something. And with that in mind, you should be a little more "cool-heeled".

You are going to be here for a long, long, time. And quite often.

So chill "dude".

[Larken85]

Jm, this same thing has been said to me several times now and I keep responding the same way. I know what this sounds like, I know how stupid it is too, And I know that if it were someone else I would tell them to ditch the ___. However being the one in the situation (not trusting my own judgement and the things that I precieve) I just don't know if I am ready to make that type of change yet.

I have also told you to stop worrying about this for the present time until I am ready to make the change because at the moment it really feels like I am wasting your time. I am trying to be nice here and let everyone off without having such a battle as we were a little while ago. Honestly the fighting with me is ridiculous and childish and it needs to stop. Like the disagreeing with me just to give me a negative status, not cool, expeically not when I agreed with the last poster and they did not get a red. Not to mention that the person I agreed with gave me a red.

And you cannot disagree with me on my own post, I mean come on. If you do not like what I have to say, then go away. That's all there is to it. I needed to rant and rave about the situation, its how I blow off steam. I am sorry if this thread has upset some people, and I am sorry if you feel I have wasted your time, but as I said, You don't need to waste your time any longer. Only people that want to stick around and listen to me should stay tuned to this.

I have to say thanks to the admin Ben and Tal for getting my thread reopened. And I also just want to add that I am again sorry for causeing anyone stress. I do not mean to do this but I do not appreciate being treated like I do not deserve to be here. Or being told that I am the last person that should be giving advice. WHile I can give it, I have a much harder time taking the advice given. But anyway, I hope everyone can relax a little and realize that at the moment I am only getting stuff off my chest. (which we all need to do at one point or another) Hearing what others would do in this situation is very helpful for me too. Helps me know where I stand and what is all right for me to do.

[amicon]

Personally,I'm glad your thread is back.

And ,again,personally,when I feel I've given advice but it's not going anywhere,I stay away from that thread.

To me,it's that simple.
That's what the unsubscribe option is about,in my opinion.