[MarkwithaK]

He loves his girlfriend and doesnt want let her go so why should he.

Because she has obviously given up on the relationship. By him sticking around it's just making it all that much more painful for him.

[411Help]

I'm sorry, but we don't live in a fantasy land where all of our wishes come true. Although he may love this girl with every fiber of his body. It's still irrelevant. You need to understand that his wants are different from hers at this moment. Nothing he says or does will change that. Of course he wants her. But, does that justify for him to let his head remain in the clouds? no. The reality of the situation is just that. Accept it.

[ferrell_2006]

As i already said i was in his girlfriends shoes a few weeks ago and i repeat me and my fella never split up because i wanted a break. So he shouldnt give up hope. If he wants the love of his life then why shouyld he give her up. He loves his girlfriend and doesnt want let her go so why should he.

As I said before none of us know this girl so we really do not know her intentions BUT to need a break for school or work is bull because number one if you really love someone then taking a break would only make it harder for her in school and work
Number 2 why does she need a break for school and work yet they can still hang out and do all the things they did when they dated? If you need time for school and work then stay the hell away she proved herself to be a liar


And now I also am a female and I also was in his girlfriends position and let me juss say GET THE HELL AWAY I took my break and I really loved my boyfriend... but he wanted different things like me to have no friends he was extremely jeoulous... but my break was meeting a new guy because I thought that's what I wanted but in the end I found out I didn't and to make a long story short he moved out of state but we did get back together... yep we sure did 4 years later and actually I juss had his little girl a month ago.. but we are not together once again... we grew apart and we thought things would work... I did a lot of growing up and he didn't so people have there own sneeky reasons of wanting a break whether they are brave enough to admit it or not...

[compsavvyimnot]

ListLost...
You have just set him back to square one.
The point here is that he can't just sit around and wait for her.
If she comes back to him... great!
If not.. oh well.
In the meantime, he needs to live his life. Be active, make new friends, and if along the way there happens to be some other girl that catches his interest-not to turn her away for the sake of his ex.
And that's what a "break" makes her, an EX.
Of course "breaks" are always for selfish reasons. It most likely means that she thinks that there is something lacking in the relationship. So what he thinks was perfect, was not to her. He needs to realize that. And in order to realize anything, he needs to take a step back and really think about it in an different point of view then he is now. He can't do that if he's put shutters around his eyes like a racing horse making her the goal line.

[lisalost]

Look right, I was simply trying to say, if she is what he wants like anything else in the world be it a job or a dream then should he not go for it. Yes I agree he should not set himself up for heartbreak but I don't think he should totally give it up as a lost cause. Iwas in his girlfriends shoes a few weeks ago and my relationship never ended after I said I wanted a break. And yes he should get new friends start doing new things, but thisis no a sitcom she didn't say she wanted to completley break up, or if she did he never wrote that. Anyway I only wrote and told him my opion as he everyone else did with theirs. Just thought it may be useful as I was in a similar situation.

[a la king]

Look right, i was simply trying to say, if she is what he wants like anything else in the world be it a job or a dream then should he not go for it. Yes i agree he should not set himself up for heartbreak but i dont think he should totally give it up as a lost cause. Iwas in his girlfriends shoes a few weeks ago and my relationship never ended after i said i wanted a break. And yes he should get new friends start doing new things, but thisis no a sitcom she didnt say she wanted to completley break up, or if she did he never wrote that. Anyway i only wrote and told him my opion as he everyone else did with theirs. Just thought it may be useful as i was in a similar situation.

This is another person- not a job or some fancy car he can just 'go for'.

The point of a break or breakup or whatever the hell you want to call it is to CONTINUE LIVING YOUR LIFE - for yourself! If she comes back fine, if not oh well.

How do you purpose he not set himself up for heartbreak and not chalking it up as a lost cause?

You are really sending all sorts of mixed messages.

[Gearhe4d]

Am I the only one that has a problem with this way of thinking? Working or going to school does not mean that you have to get out of a relationship, or even 'take a break', to do well in either (unless the relationship is so unhealthy that has a detrimental effect). If you find that you don't have as much time for your significant other because of school/work then the healthy thing would to work that out with him/her. Not give up all together. My point is that you shouldn't have to choose one over the other.

This is exactly what I have been thinking about for the entire duration of this whole "break" thing.

I told her out right that I understand she needs more time for school and for work and to just generally be around people other than me, and that I have been around too much and need to even focus on myself more as well. I tried to make that part work with her, and she told me again that she just needed some time and space right now for herself, and that she knows in her heart that she will probably end up marrying me even, but she still kept with the break. All of this was about two weeks after the initial break was established.

Now though, I can't really tell what is going on in her head, I haven't seen her or verbally spoken with her in something like 12 or 13 days. We still talk on MSN nearly everyday, and she tells me about what she's doing with her friends (who sadly all happen to be guys, but she even asked me if I would be okay with that because she was worried, and I just told her that I trust her and that she can hang out with whoever she wants, it's not my place to say who she can spend her time with, I just would love it if she could fit me in)

All of these mixed signals are making it difficult.

[411Help]

You're joking me right?

Why are you talking to her on MSN?

Come on man.

NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. That includes EVERYTHING.

She wouldn't be giving you mixed signals if she wasn't talking to you, would she?

I blame you, not her.

[Gearhe4d]

You're joking me right?

Why are you talking to her on MSN?

Come on man.

NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. That includes EVERYTHING.

She wouldn't be giving you mixed signals if she wasn't talking to you, would she?

I blame you, not her.

It's great how everything about this seems to be my fault. All I have ever done is treat her with respect, and kindness, and love. I feel like I've done nothing wrong here, she is the one who is confused. You don't tell someone that you love them and want to marry them and talk about the future with them and then just tell them you need some time off and not mean it. That is completely ridiculous. If anything, some part of her still loves me, which means she could realize that and eventually come back to me. I'm not saying I need to figure out how to get her back at this point, and I understand that I should let her come to me, but if I just ignore her when she openly tries to talk to me on something like MSN, I don't understand what the problem is.

[411Help]

The problem is very clear.

You just choose to ignore it.

The more you talk to her, the more mixed signals you will receive. I'm sorry to tell you this, but she doesn't care for you like you care for her.

You need to be able to stand on your own two feet and live a life without her.

[zeeniee]

hey Gearhe4d,
If your going to do no contact- you have to be real about it- MSN her means your okay will all this and your around to pick her up when she is finished playing around.

Are u willing to be second best? I hope your answer is NO!

Just think if you did not MSN her -you could have spent that time doing something for yourself that you would value!

Go NO Contact and leave her alone, if you don't leave her alone- you will get hurt more and more and more and eventually you will go INSANE! She will give you lots of mix signals- none of it will help and will give you false hope on sec and will kill your heart the other sec.

I know this is v hard for you- it is true- its horrible and v painful- but as difficult as it is- you must think of YOU. Do whatever you have to do to get YOU back and get YOU to be happier- if if this mean you smile for 1 hr in a 24 hr day.

You should read my post! I have been all over HELL and back-letting go of someone you love v much is not a light issue indeed.

People say time- things will get better- I never believed it- but today I will say yes that is true- but it only gets better when the whole situation sinks in and you realise YOU are v important to YOU.

Remember who you are, and how wonderful you are, remember she left this wonderful person!
Remember all the good things you did- now think she left me after I did all these nice things- is that fair?

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well its like this Gear,

I know it seems messed up that someone can say something to you like I see myself marrying you even when they want a break. It makes no sense right? Well you're not alone on this, my ex told me that from day one of our break.

She even continued to tell me this as she proceeded to sleep with two other guys.

When I was back in your state of mind I held onto these words, I thought of them as words of hope that we would one day be back together. But now, being able to see through clear eyes I know they meant nothing. Does it seem reasonable to you that someone can tell you they love you and see themselves marrying you but can turn around and take a break from you. That's not how love goes my friend, she is keeping you holding on for her while she is out finagling with who ever the hell. You have to take this girl off this pedestal you have built for her, she is not perfect and is manipulating you. I WAS YOU, I know its hard to listen to but you have to believe me.

I know she keeps talking to you but you have to put a stop to it. If you feel bad about just ignoring her than just tell her that if she wants a break than she has to take it. She can't leave, break your heart and expect to be able to have you to come talk to.

You even said it yourself, its funny how she needs a break from you for school and stuff, but can make plenty of other time for these other guy "friends" of hers.

Man up and take control of this situation! This is your life and you can't let a girl do this to you. If she wants to give it another try than its up to you if you want to give it another go, until then you disappear, you have better things to do than wait around for her!!

[Gearhe4d]

I can't imagine the guilt that I wuld feel if I did this same thing to her, and if I started just screwing another girl or even hanging aroudn other girls. It dosen't even make sense.

I know what you are going to say to that, and that she dosen't care, but it's just so strange that she could set aside any feelings for me and easily go about this.

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Gear, I was with my ex for 4 years! For 3.5 of those years we planned on getting married and sharing a life together. I never could imagined something like this could ever happen to me. I was flabbergasted when I found these things out about her. How could someone who told me she loved me more than life turn around and give herself so easily to someone else.

And that's the thing, YOU, ME and EVERYONE else in this thread weren't the ones that wanted out of the relationship. You are very much in love with this person and could never imagine doing something like that to them. But you have to realize, for them something has changed. They don't feel the same way we do anymore. So when they do go off and hook up and move on from us they are not doing it as the person that loved you the way they used to. They are different, those feelings aren't there for them anymore.

And really we can't blame them for that, it happens... But what you can blame them for and put a stop to is them stringing you along and playing with your heart.

Its crazy how your world can come crashing down around you, and how everything that you thought could never happen can.

[411Help]

Of course its strange.

Don't try to understand the situation. Because, you never will. Learn from us. Just move on.

[Gearhe4d]

Of course its strange.

Don't try to understand the situation. Because, you never will. Learn from us. Just move on.

Hm. I suppose so.

I just feel like I won't ever really be able to trust anyone again, I never felt so sure of anything in this world about how we felt about each other, and I was wrong. Weird.

[411Help]

You know the funny part? You will love and trust again. Someone will come along when you least expect it, when you are a well developed, independent man.

[compsavvyimnot]

I agree with all others that say NO CONTACT, only because you seem to be in a place that can't seem to let go.
On the other hand... If you are OK with just being her friend, then by all means be her friend. These guys are trying to help you get over her, but obviously you refuse to take that in as an option for you. I think they're trying to let you know that as long as you stay in contact with her, it's just the same as telling her that you are OK with this "break" thing. If you are not OK with the break thing, then you should let her know by cutting contact with her. I think this is what the guys are saying. By all means, I'm sure most of the guys here have Ex-girlfriends as friends. If so, it was probably because they were OK with being friends, and no longer hold hope of getting back with them as girl-boy friends.
If you are OK with just being friends with her, be friends, but that means you have to let go of the hope of her coming back to you as a girlfriend.
If you are NOT OK with her "break" decision, you need to let het know that you are not a doormat and stop all contact.
Like I said, breaks are for selfish reasons, weather good or bad.
You stated that you wouldn't feel right hanging out with girls and meeting girl-friend prospects. Why not? You aren't looking into jumping into a new relationship anyway. What's wrong with hanging out with girls? It's not like you have wrongful intentions with them. She doesn't seem to think it would be a problem to do the same.
Let's say she loves you, let's say that's your future wifey. Both of you are still young, there are may things of this world yet to experience. Some have to be done alone. She may already know this and maybe that is the reason for a break. So she can experience the world alone with out her future hubby. You need to do the same.
Maybe she wants see if there is someone better than you out there, if not she'll return. Shouldn't you find out the same? See if there is someone out there that will appreciate you, if not then you can take her back.
Remember, she called for the break. You can't make her come back to you, she decides that. If, IF she does decide she wants you back, you have the power to take her back, if by that time you still want her.
But in the meantime, live, grow to be the man that she would regret ever letting go of.

[Gearhe4d]

I think they're trying to let you know that as long as you stay in contact with her, it's just the same as telling her that you are ok with this "break" thing. If you are not ok with the break thing, then you should let her know by cutting contact with her. I think this is what the guys are saying. By all means, I'm sure most of the guys here have Ex-girlfriends as friends. If so, it was probably because they were ok with being friends, and no longer hold hope of getting back with them as girl-boy friends.
If you are ok with just being friends with her, be friends, but that means you have to let go of the hope of her coming back to you as a girlfriend.
If you are NOT OK with her "break" decision, you need to let het know that you are not a doormat and stop all contact.

Woah woah, hold on a second. Is it true that if I'm her friend now that we can never really be together again? I'm not really understanding that part.

[411Help]

Usually, once your in the friend zone, your stuck there.