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ladiie enviie · Jan 2, 2008, 10:05 AM

I'm 16 and I was just wondering if a doctor can tell your parent if your having sex, just in case I have to go to the doctor

J_9 · Jan 2, 2008, 11:55 AM

No, a doctor cannot tell your parents anything about your sexual activity without your permission. It is the doctor/patient privilege.

ladiie enviie · Jan 3, 2008, 10:00 AM

But will they ask me if I'm having sex if my mom is in the room

J_9 · Jan 3, 2008, 10:04 AM

How old are you? You have the right to go into the room alone... Can you get to the doctor by yourself?

ladiie enviie · Jan 3, 2008, 08:14 PM

I'm 16 but I don't have to go to the doctor I'm just asking just in case because my mom keeps saying that she wants to me to to the doctor for a pap-smear and someone told me that the doctor asks if your having sex and I just don't want my mom to find out

J_9 · Jan 3, 2008, 08:16 PM

Pap smears are not necessary until a woman is having sex, so if you are having sex, you don't have to tell your mom, and you can ask her to wait in the waiting room during the exam. IF the doctor asks, you can tell him, he can't tell your mom.

But if you ARE sexually active you really do need to have this done.

whitneywhitley2008 · Jan 3, 2008, 08:20 PM

If you are having sex at 16 && they ask if you want it confidential they can't tell your parents that you are.. On the other hand if they take you to a doctor && they are checking you for that reason yes they can tell your parents

crispy_chick · Jan 3, 2008, 10:05 PM

No they can't tell your parents without your concent now that your 16.. Papsmears usually are not till your 18 or otherwise sexually active in Australia (whichever comes first) Just just because your mum wants you to have a papsmear done don't think she knows you have sex (if you do) because she could just want you to get one out of precausions of any changes in your body, You don't have to have sex to get cervical cancer remember that, That is why its important to get a papsmear done.
Been 16 your mum probably knows without you telling her, they say a person changes after there first time (true or not I can not remember) but my mum knew I was having sex long before I knew she knew.
I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mum, but if you have a good relationship and she asks you upfront be honnest don't lie to her, Sex is a natural thing and she probably would rather know your having SAFE SEX (ie, comdoms and birth control) then going off behind her back thinking she doesn't know... And you will be surprised how much honnesty makes a difference...
I had an aweful relationship with my mum but when she asked me and I told her the truth she was just happy I didn't lie to her, then later she told me she knew she even gave me a time gap in which she thought I first done it and hate to say she was pretty spot on.. I turned and said well you never asked so I never told... SO if that's going of a bad relationship if you have a good relationship with your mum then I am sure she will respect you more if your just honnest with her.

Also just for the note, I think every parent should talk about sex, Periods and every other change a female or male go through in there life, I wish my mum had educated me about things and not waited for school to do it because by the time school was educating me about it I was already there.. As awekward as a situation like that sounds, If you start talking to your kids at a younger age and keep your relationship open with your kids so they know they can tell you anything then I bet it would make us teens find life much easier in some area... And yes I too am only just out of been a teen myself, I am only 20 so I do know where you are coming from with the way your feeling

brown_eyes_3546 · Jan 3, 2008, 10:48 PM

My mom took me to the dr to find out if I was having sex when I was about 13. I had told my mom that she couldn't go into the room w/ me because I didn't want her to because I was mad that she didn't believe me. Dr/patient confidentiality is a wonderful thing that parents don't know that much about and they assume that doctors have to tell them about their kids. Only if it is life threatening! Just tell the doc you prefer them not say anything to your mom about your virgin status and have the test done. They will do what you tell them to or could face losing their job.

ladiie enviie · Jan 4, 2008, 09:35 AM

Yea I have a good relationship with my mom I just don't want her to know because she always wanted me to wait until I was married and if she finds out she's just going to be really disappointed and she probably won't trust me again

J_9 · Jan 4, 2008, 09:46 AM

Hun, the doctor cannot tell her. And, since you are sexually active, having a PAP smear is in your best interests.

ISneezeFunny · Jan 4, 2008, 09:47 AM

I believe that doctors are relatively "in the know" about these things... and usually will ask if you want your mom present while asking you some questions. If you don't then ask your mom to leave. Or, go in the office on your own.

J_9 · Jan 4, 2008, 09:50 AM

As a nurse, when we have a patient that is 13 years old or older, I am supposed to ask the patient to come back to the room by themselves, it is then up to them if they want their parent(s) present. When it comes time for the exam, if the parent is present, we ask the parent to step out of the room for privacy reasons.

ScottGem · Jan 4, 2008, 10:00 AM

Ok, lets start with legalities. As you have been informed, at least in the US, it is illegal for a doctor or other health care provider to give anyone else, parents included, information about your medical status.

But lets be a bit practical here. Mom takes you to the doctor specifcally for a pap smear. You refuse to let mom in the exam room with you. Do you really think the doctor will need to tell her anything then? She'll want to know why you don't want her with you. What are you going to tell her?

Are you going to risk your health by NOT having the smear done?

Now the lecture: You should not be having sexual intercourse until you are physcially, emotionally and financially able to have a child. Obviously you don't meet that criteria. I'm not going to be naïve and think that you will be totally chaste, but there are ways you can share intimate pleasures with your partner without engaging in sexual intercourse. And you definitely do not want to engage in intercourse without protection.

The bottom line, is I would confide in mom. Most parents nowadays understand the pressures kids are under. If you have been rersponsible about your sexual activity (practicing "safe" sex), I think she may be more understanding then you think. She will be disappointed, but she loves you and will want to see that you do things safely.

brown_eyes_3546 · Jan 5, 2008, 01:32 PM

If your mom asks why you don't want her in the room just tell her your embarrassed! That's what I did and I really had nothing to hide! It is unconfortable the first time. The only person I've ever allowed in that room is my boyfriend because of the pregnancy.

s_cianci · Jan 5, 2008, 01:38 PM

There are patient confidentiality laws in place. But I'm not sure how they apply to a minor such as yourself. Why would you need to inform your doctor that you're sexually active in the first place? Do you fear that you may have contracted an STD? If so you do need to speak with your doctor at once and get it treated as delays could prove to be very serious and maybe fatal. Getting that taken care of is far more important than your parents finding out. In the future, if you're not going to abstain from sexual activity (and that would be your best option), please use a condom.

Kiwigal · Jan 5, 2008, 03:32 PM

I didn't want my Mum to know that I had been sexually active before marriage either. She was disappointed when she found out, but she still loved me and accepted my decision to have sex (even though she disagreed with it). There were no 'trust' issues whatsoever. She loves you, and just wants the best for you and your relationship won't change, other than the knowledge that you are sexually active.

There will obviously be suspicions raised if you decide not to tell her and won't let her in the room when you have been comfortable having her there in the past. Do yourself a favour and let her know.