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    Nohitter410's Avatar
    Nohitter410 Posts: 187, Reputation: 50
    Junior Member
     
    #1

    Jul 23, 2007, 05:31 PM
    How do you stop overanalyzing and overreacting?
    I feel like when I give advice on this site I am able to understand others problems and decipher the best way to respond to it. With my life every woman seemed to come and go and I never put in any effort at all and didn't care if they left or not.

    With this girl I am dating and madly in love with I seem to always fall in a trap of overanalyzing and such. The key this time is I have kept this to myself and maybe talked to a few close friends about or told myself I need to relax and just have fun.

    I am very laid back with other things and once I wake up in the morning no matter what happens to me the night before I am brand new which is weird.

    Those were a quick summary now onto what I am overanalyzing about instead of giving a generalization. Me and my ex broke up and it wasn't a bad breakup at all the distance was the main reason for it. The distance is still there and we are now back together yet at a much slower place then before or at least it seems slower. We aren't consumed in one another's life and she is still going out and partying and having fun and making friends and I am doing the same. We are going to Hawaii in October with my roommate and his girl and we get along SO well when we are together.

    This issue is when we are not which is the hardest. She will go out until the wee hours on the weekend with coworkers or her girlfriends. She is very honest and upfront and calls me before she goes out but doesn't call me at all until the next morning telling me how much fun it was and how she got drunk. If I call she says you are drunk I would rather call you in the morning go have fun and we can talk tomorrow. I mean I do the same thing and I know she doesn't cheat or have feeling for anyone. She will flirt like any girl but that is one issue and not sure if that is a cause for concern, we are both immature and young but trust me we are meant for each other and neither of us wants anyone else.

    Next issue is her best friend is kind of seeing this guy and her brother and her always go out to baseball games together and the occasional movie. On Facebook he put a picture of him and her on his profile and it is just a picture and many women have pictures with dudes and I have pictures with girls and a close friend who is like my best friend we have the same relationship but just weird and I just overanalyze these things. I could bring it up but then it will seem like I can't trust her.

    Do I bring up these things and come across as jealous or just let it slide and just relax because I know she loves me and I love her. Distance is so hard on both of us but it seems to be better for her and she is so happy with me but I am keeping these things inside and it is hard for me right now.

    We have good communication but it is lacking with serious stuff right now because we are back together and I feel like neither of us wants to mess it up so sometimes we keep in a few things that are bothering us.
    alsmiley's Avatar
    alsmiley Posts: 18, Reputation: 3
    New Member
     
    #2

    Jul 23, 2007, 08:55 PM
    Quote Originally Posted by Nohitter410
    I feel like when i give advice on this site I am able to understand others problems and decipher the best way to respond to it. With my life every woman seemed to come and go and I never put in any effort at all and didn't care if they left or not.

    With this girl I am dating and madly in love with I seem to always fall in a trap of overanalyzing and such. The key this time is I have kept this to myself and maybe talked to a few close friends about or told myself I need to relax and just have fun.

    I am very laid back with other things and once I wake up in the morning no matter what happens to me the night before I am brand new which is wierd.

    Those were a quick summary now onto what I am overanalyzing about instead of giving a generalization. Me and my ex broke up and it wasn't a bad breakup at all the distance was the main reason for it. The distance is still there and we are now back together yet at a much slower place then before or at least it seems slower. We aren't consumed in one another's life and she is still going out and partying and having fun and making friends and I am doing the same. We are going to Hawaii in October with my roomate and his girl and we get along SO well when we are together.

    This issue is when we are not which is the hardest. She will go out until the wee hours on the weekend with coworkers or her girlfriends. She is very honest and upfront and calls me before she goes out but doesn't call me at all until the next morning telling me how much fun it was and how she got drunk. If I call she says you are drunk I would rather call you in the morning go have fun and we can talk tomorrow. I mean I do the same thing and I know she doesn't cheat or have feeling for anyone. She will flirt like any girl but that is one issue and not sure if that is a cause for concern, we are both immature and young but trust me we are meant for each other and neither of us wants anyone else.

    Next issue is her best friend is kinda seeing this guy and her brother and her always go out to baseball games together and the occasional movie. On facebook he put a picture of him and her on his profile and it is just a picture and many women have pictures with dudes and I have pictures with girls and a close friend who is like my best friend we have the same relationship but just wierd and I just overanalyze these things. I could bring it up but then it will seem like I can't trust her.

    Do I bring up these things and come across as jealous or just let it slide and just relax because I know she loves me and I love her. Distance is so hard on both of us but it seems to be better for her and she is so happy with me but I am keeping these things inside and it is hard for me right now.

    We have good communication but it is lacking with serious stuff right now because we are back together and I feel like neither of us wants to mess it up so sometimes we keep in a few things that are bothering us.
    OMG, what are you doing.

    You've just said how much you think this girl is great yet you have a long distance relationship. If this is work related that is understandable, or if you have set a specific date to move back together this is also OK.

    If your relationship is really that good, you should question her about the Facebook picture, in a not so interrogating way of course. You strike me to be a man who is good with words, so I'm sure this exercise will be easy for you.

    It's good that you are both able to go out and have fun, but are you sure that you would not rather be going out, having fun with each other?

    No matter how free and easy going a woman is, she will always recent not having the man that she loves doting over her, obsessing about being near her. The fact that you are not there everyday to touch her tells her that what you feel for her is not serious so of course she is going to go out and have fun and flirt. This is to keep the hurt of not having you around at bay.

    Tell her how you feel, and ask her to tell you honestly how you feel. You could wait till you go to Hawaii in October (we'll be going there then too, I'm so excited it's my first time in the US). But, the sooner you tell her the better, who knows you could have lost her by then.

    Love should not be painful, it should lift you up and make you feel safe (that's what I've noticed anyway- with the couples that have been together forever).

    You say she is the one, show her!!

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